2013 Turned My Emotions Off – Help?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@KateByDesign:  …sure.  2013 was a year of death, pain and distress for me, and honestly, the ONLY way for a person like me to get through that, is to turn everything off, and just keep going. 

Its not a sign of weakness or avoidance, its survival….and now that things have finally settled down, and stopped going crazy, I don’t feel the need to grieve, or cry, I’m not one to dwell on the past or lament days long gone….I live in the moment.

And while I may be a little gunshy about anything that looks too good to be true, I avail myself to things whole-heartedly anyhow…because if 2013 taught me anything, its that I’m tough, I can take it and I’m surrounded by people that will help me if I can’t.

My advice, if it counts for anything….is to find that one, little, tiny ray of sunshine….and hang onto it.  Don’t judge yourself if buying a new house isn’t blowing your skirt up, don’t chastise yourself because this pregnancy is a total departure from your previous one….find that one thing, that means everything to you, that makes your day and makes you smile…and hold onto it with both hands.

Joy begets joy, so finding that one tiny piece of it, is a game changer.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@KateByDesign:  First of all, I am sorry, and my little story here may not even help you. I have had nowhere near the sadness and tragedy you had this year. I had a great 2013 for the most part–got a house, dog, celebrated a year of marriage, got pregnant, and everything should be perfect, right?

No. I too am emotionless right now. I am not suicidal or to the point where I want to harm myself or others. Absolutely nowhere near those thoughts, BUT I have had some awful thoughts that I am ashamed of and not ready to share with anyone yet. Thank God I have an appt today, but for the last month I have been…numb so to speak. I fake a smile and even that doesn’t satisfy people. It is hard. I am having troubles with my MIL being needy and overbearing, and it is weighing heavily on my thoughts and placing a lot of stress on my pregnancy and overall mental health (perhaps even my physical).

I am even losing interest in my own family, and I have never had that happen. They have done nothing wrong (in fact, they have been concerned, loving parents), but the thought of sitting there with a fake smile seems so tough and tiring. The thought of sitting there unhappy scares me because then I deal with the “Eww, SOMEONE’S hormonal.” I think this true hopelessness and unhappiness extends beyond being hormonal at this point, and it pisses me off when people just say I am having normal pregnancy hormones. I don’t want to be doomed to feeling like this for the next 15 weeks and possibly PP.

I have no good advice. Just letting you know that while my pain is different, I know the deep dark place of emptiness you are coming from, and I feel for you. I hope you can find some peace, wherever and however that may be, and if you need to talk I am here. PM me anytime.

 

Post # 6
Member
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Everything you’re feeling sounds very normal to me. Everyone grieves in their own way, and sometimes we grieve differently than we thought we would. I would encourage you to open up to your DH. *hugs*

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

My guess is this is straight-up depression. Make an appointment with your doctor, OP! I know it’s part of the grieving process, but speak to your MD anyway. A referral to a therapist might be what you need.

Don’t judge yourself for any of these feelings. It’s good that you are aware of how uncharacteristic they are for you. Keep an eye on them and speak to a doctor. And may 2014 be a much happier year!

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@KateByDesign – you’re grieving, have no fear, you are doing it – you’re just doing it differently then your mom, then the movies, then how you’ve been taught.   And as other’s have posted, your body and emotions have gone into survival mode.   You fear the possibility of more heartache so much you’ve turned your emotions off.   It’s not bad, it’s coping.   Do I think you’ll eventually gain your emotions back and resume your life?  Yes, of course.   Do I think you’d get there sooner and understand it more with some therapy and grief counseling?  Most definitely!!! 

Please don’t see therapy or grief counseling as anything more then what it is – a way for you to get your emotions/thoughts/feelings/world into perspective with someone outside of your family and friends.  Going to therapy is a way to talk to someone about everything that’s happening in your life without having to cope with their issues/fears/emotions as well (like when you talk to your mom, family, or husband), it’s a way to just get out your thoughts and express what you feel (or don’t feel).   That in itself is more carthatic then most people know.

For yourself, for your baby, and for your health ask your doctor for a recommendation on a grief  counselor, because whether or not you know it – you’ve been greiving for almost a year and it’s time you get to express your grief and try to move past it.

Best wishes for a 2014 filled with love, happiness, and peace.

Post # 9
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@KateByDesign:  the way you described feeling is how I feel when I’m depressed. i really think you should talk to a doctor about this because you’ll want to keep an eye out for postpartum depression given the very understandable reaction you are having to a year of trauma. I agree with pp that going numb is very understandable and you should not judge yourself for it. I remember reading that sometimes police & juries doubt crime victims because they think they should be super emotional, and often the trauma makes them go numb instead. It’s a perfectly natural reaction to so much pain, and it doesn’t make you a bad daughter, wife, or mother… It means you are human! But even the good stuff – your baby and the move – is a lot of change and upheaval, which may be difficult to handle while you are still grieving and processing your trauma. So I really hope you want judge yourself if it is difficult as well as joyful, and that you’ll talk to a pro in advance so they can help you process everything and prepare for what is to come. 

I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through this past year. Hang in there!

Post # 10
Member
8917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@prahajess:  +1.  

You sound depressed, sweetheart.  I know you’re preggers so you probably don’t want to go on SSRIs or other anti-depressants right now, but you really should make an appointment to see a mental health professional.  That numbness you’re describing is a classic symptom.  Hugs to you – I hope your 2014 is better.  (Sounds like it will be, with a sweet little babe on the way!)

Post # 12
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@KateByDesign:  I went through a tough time a couple of years ago. I’m fully convinced I coped by blocking out feelings. I felt nothing for a long time afterwards. It slowly but surely returned, so slowly I didn’t notice. However,when I went through my recent mmc the same thing happened. I really think that it’s a coping mechanism. I can completely understand why you might not feel excitement yet for your LO. I feel I will be the same. However, I really believe you will get there. 

Im so sorry you’ve had such a tough year. Nobody should have to go through so much in such a short space of time.

Post # 13
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

@KateByDesign:  I think your reaction is totally normal. My mom had 2 MC before me and she has told be about how she pretty much denied she was having me until about 20 or so weeks because she was so sure I was going to go away.

I think it is also part of the reason why we waited so long to tell people- hearing about my mothers disappointment had me set up for it as well.

Post # 14
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@KateByDesign:  I think you have many things that have compounded to bring on major depression. Many people think that the classic sign of depression is sadness. For many people, it’s not sadness, but lack of any feeling–that numbness you are describing. I think your normal natural coping mechanism (which is a good thing) has slowly evolved into major depression. PLUS one thing that doctors are just now recognizing–perinatal or antepartum or prenatal depression. No one wants to talk about it (the stigma of postpartum depression is barely lifiting) because this is supposed to be “the happiest time of your life”. But all the hormones take a toll on the neourotransmitters in your brain. 

There is a chance that even without the tramatic events in your life you might have become depressed during pregnancy. 

Please talk to your OBGYN. If she doesnt listen to you, please find a doctor who will. The best non-medicated solutions are daily exercise and getting out in the sun for 15-30 mins a day. If this doesnt work, please think about getting medicated. There are safe medications you can take that are safe for you and the baby. Do some research–being depressed can cause slight alterations on how your baby’s brain is developing. (And there is a very good chance you will be hit with postpartum depression, and by not attaching to your child, more alterations to their brain developemtn). 

I dont tell you this to make you stressed out or beat yourself up. I’m telling you because many women think that by not taking medications they arent hurting their baby. The belief that “natural” or unmedicated is better. But studies are showing that having a depressed Mom may be worse than a medicated Mom. 

You are not weak or damaged. Your brain is just not producing the proper neurotransmitters in the right amounts. Kinda like a woman who gets Gestational Diabetes and doesnt produce the right amount of insulin. But instead of insulin and your pancreas, it’s neurotransmitters and your brain. Just like you cant will or think your way out of diabetes, you cant will or think yourself out of depression. 

Please do some research, find a good therapist, get some exercise (a 20 min walk outside without sunscreen) and think about possibly taking medications to help you get over this hump.

Good Luck!

Post # 16
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@KateByDesign:  Hugs 🙁  I agree with others who’ve said you’ve gone into survival mode.  The loss of the baby was too much pain/fear.  Your nerves are shot and you can’t feel the way you normally do. It’ll come back to you, in waves, of happiness and yes, sometimes pain, until the waves connect more and more and eventually you’ll feel more or less whole again. Don’t beat yourself up over this– that’ll just keep you in survival mode. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors