Post # 1
I’m 22 and with a guy that everyoe knows will get married to me. We discuss it and both know it deep down inside so that’s not a problem.
The issue is that his younger sister (She’s 25, he is 29) that had a child and all they can talk about is her. I know this is normal, but I’ve never been a big fan of babies and understand what all the fuss is about. It’s not as prevalent anymore, but I used to be asked all the time “So, when you do you think you’ll have kids?” “Don’t worry, someday you’ll slip up and end up with one (a kid, jokingly said)” or, as they’re patting the baby’s back, “Doesn’t this just make you want to have one?”. To all of these I respectfully said no, but they keep on asking and poking fun, even though they know that I’m not a baby person.
It’s to the point where I don’t even want to go around my SO’s family if the baby is around because 90% of the conversation will be about the baby (who is now a little over a year old) which will invariably lead to comments made to me. I personally believe that no one has any right to ask me, particularly at only 22, when I plan to have children – like it’s my job.
Does anyone have any advice on how to stifle the comments? They just seem to be in denial about my opinions.
Post # 3
@chevaldame: I have no idea, and I know that’s not helpful BUT I hope it gets better because that is annoying. Who wants to marry someone when you dont want to be around their family.
Post # 4
That is annoying. Its different for everyone, but IMO 22 is way too young (at least it would have been for me…) to even consider having a baby. I think its crazy to be asked those questions at your age! Personally I want to be settled, travel, and just spend time with my FI/spouse by ourselves first. I’m 27 and just now considering that maybe next year will be the year we start to try. I understand why people gush over their kids, but I just gush back about whats going on in my life – like our month-long trip to Europe or our upcoming honeymoon 🙂
I already know that I’m going to dread all the baby questions that will start to flow in 20 seconds after we say, “I do.” Ugh.
Post # 5
Im 21 (22 in July and will be 22 at our wedding) and because FI (21 now, 22 at wedding as well) and I just bought our house we are constantly getting the questions of when we are planning to breed.
I just shrug it off. FI and I have a plan and timeline, but its none of their business. I guess my advice is to either make a joke of it or just say vague things like “when the times right”
Post # 6
When people would (annoyingly) ask me when we were going to have a child I would just respond with “Doctors said I can’t have kids.” and normally people would feel bad that they would generally stop asking.
Post # 7
@chevaldame: Unfortunately I don’t really have any advice, just sympathy. People are constantly making baby comments to me andI’m thinking “lay off already, I’m only 22 and I’m not even sure I want kids!”
Post # 8
I get a bit of this from my FMIL. FI’s brother’s girlfriend had her first kid at 20 and her second at 22 so she’s already a grandma. FI is 30 and I’m 24 so we do occasionally get the “you guys are next” and “when’s it your turn” comments. We are just not in a financial, living or emotional situation where we are ready for kids, so it does get a bit irritating.
Etiquette sites suggest changing the subject for this sort of thing – like, smile and say “We’re not ready yet. Hey, did you see Survivor last night?”. If you do this enough, hopefully they will realise their comments are not welcome and they aren’t going to get a reaction.
Post # 9
I’m 22, and will be 23 at the wedding (1.5 months!). We’re TTC on the honeymoon, and no one has asked us when we’re trying for kids yet!
Which is bizarre, since FI is 28 (and has been ready for kids for a couple of years), and I’m the lead teacher in an infant room! So I spend 40 hours a week with seven babies from 6 weeks to 8 months!
Post # 10
My husband and I both married at 22 and I was surprised that people were asking at our wedding when we planned on having kids – I never thought someone would ask me that at 22! We told them not to expect them for a long time.. and then a year later we ended up deciding to TTC and are due right around our 2nd anniversary, haha. So maybe all those people who asked us did know something we didn’t. 😛
What I find disturbing is the parents that ask their HIGHSCHOOL kids when they are going to give them grandchildren – apparently my husband’s ex girlfriend’s parents did this when they were dating in highschool. Inappropriate much??
Post # 11
@chevaldame: I hear you. Family and friends like to “mention” how excited they would be if we had a baby soon (we’re 24) and I used to be really nice and just say “Oh, no, not yet” but after a while it gets old. I now invite them to come over while we try and see if they have any pointers. They just look at me and most haven’t brought it up since 🙂
Its a personal choice when and why. People are nosey.