22, heartbroken, and looking for some hope.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

citylove:  Congrats on your Fullbright- that is amazing. And what a perfect time for a fresh start and new adventure abroad.

Breaking up SUCKS no matter what, always. I’ve suffered wayyyyy more than two before I found my guy but the thing is- It never works out until it does- and you get married. Keep your head up- heartbreak is just part of the human experience. It makes us strong and more grateful for the love and good things we do have in our lives. Let the pain humble you- learn and grow from the ashes. xx

Post # 3
83 posts
Worker bee

citylove:  Congrats on the scholarship!! What you DIDN’T mention is what you’re doing for YOU that’s not related to a guy or love or any of that stuff. This site can be fun, sure, but it might not be the best place for you while you work on yourself and figure out why this new relationship put such a cloud over your life. (and you seem to have some awesome things going for you!) It seems you are trying to fill a void with a person that possibly can only be filled by you.

I’d say, stay away from any and all things love and wedding related. Sometimes we like to wallow in our sadness over someone, and that grieving period is fine…TO A POINT. You have to realize when it’s no longer healthy, and I”m happy to see you did cut off communication and you’re just trying to understand. All good things. Take this year abroad and focus on YOU (not love, not relationships, YOU) and take your life one day and a time. New awesomeness is always right around the corner, you just have to be patient 🙂 Good luck with everything!!

Post # 4
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014


citylove:  You are super duper young still!  I think you should take yourself off the market for a while and find happiness in your own existence.  You need time to heal, for sure.  It sounds like your ex-bf came to that realization (or it was just in excuse in which case, good riddance!!) and I can guarantee him leaving you is a GOOD thing. 

Take up a hobby, take Zumba, join a book club, go for walks, go away with your girlfriends, bake!   

Post # 5
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You’re so young and you have SO much ahead of you. I’m not coming at you from an “older lady” perspective either, I’m 24. Although I haven’t been through a bad break-up, I know what depression/anxiety is like, and my FI supported me through those times, and he could have broke up with me over it, but he didn’t, which is why I know he’s the right guy for me, he stuck it out with me through one of the hardest things I’ve (and we’ve) ever had to go through.

I think you should count your lucky stars (firstly that you’ve achieved so much! Congrats, By the way!) and that this guy left you when he did, like you said he left you at his first inkiling of a doubt, which isn’t a good indication of someone who you can depend on when things actually get tough.

I always tell people the best thing to invest in is yourself. You will find the RIGHT person for you when the time is right. In the mean time, focus on you, enjoy yourself and the wonderful journey that lies ahead, don’t let this experience get you down, it happend for a reason, and its done for a reason, by no means should you allow yourself to cling to wanting to hear from him for too long, life is too short to waste waiting around for someone.

If this guy left you essentially over nothing, how would he deal with you going overseas for a year? At least this way you can have a fresh clean start whereever it is you go to teach, you also never know who your going to meet while your away.. Keep your chin up! Things always happen for a reason

Post # 7
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

citylove:  I feel like he gave up on us at the first hint of a doubt…<br /><br />

This is what you need to focus on because if a guy truly loves you he will everything within his power to make things work.  He decided that he was still not over his ex and instead of wasting your time, he broke up with you.  It sucks but it’s better than him faking it for years with you and then breaking things off.

I got divorced from my first husband at 26 and thought my life was over.  It felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest where my heart should have been.  It took me 3 months to actually wrap my head around the separation and by then we were divorced.  I stopped eating, lost a ton of weight, and developed a bit of a drinking problem.  I tried meeting new people and going out with friends and family but it took me a few months before I started feeling better.

6 months after the separation (and 3 months after the divorce was final) I met my current husband.  Even then I was still nervous about seriously dating anyone.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to move on at that point.  But there was something about my current DH that kept us going back for more and eventually I realized not only was I over my ex, I was totally in love with my current DH.

Give yourself some more time to grieve.  It may take a month, it may take 3 months, but take the time you need to heal.  When you’re ready to get back out there, you’ll be fine.  I promise there are plenty of guys out there looking for a smart 22 year old.  Try not to move things along too quickly though.  Meeting the family a month in probably scared the most recent guy off.  Also, spend time doing things you love.  My rule during my healing stage was to say yes to everything I was invited to do by friends and family so long as it wasn’t illegal or something that might kill me.

P.S. The depression and anxiety was so bad during my divorce that I had my doctor prescribe me anti-depressants to help level off my emotions.  It really took the egde off the depression and allowed me to continue to go to work and function enough not to lose my job or lock myself in my room for days on end.

Post # 8
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013


citylove:  I went through something similar. After a toxic three year relationship ended, I met a fabulous man who was everyhting I had ever hoped & dreamed for. And then he broke my heart. In fact, he ripped it out, stomped on it and proceeded to cut it into a million pieces.  About a year later I met my now husband – who is ACTUALLY everything I had ever hoped and dreamed for. Shortly after meeting my husband I realized that he was the elusive ‘one’ and I havent looked back.

For now focus on YOU. Make yourself happy, do things you love. Surround yourself with people that love and support you. Its amazing how you can find love in an unexpected place when you least expect it. Also know that for every realtionship that doesnt work out, it is teaching you a lesson. Something you may not have known about yourself, or valued before. I truely believe that there is something greater than ourselves and a reason for everything that happens. You’ll come out of this just fine, and probably even better off for it.


Post # 10
222 posts
Helper bee

citylove:  hugs to you, I’m sure you are in need of them. Where do I even start with breakups? I wish I could say that it’ll be better soon but it’ll take time, there’s just no skirting about it. What I’ve learned is that you should go easy on yourself. Give yourself the time to grieve over a lost relationship, cause it is a big deal. And I know it sounds cliche, but this is the time to focus on you. It’s amazing that you received the grant and I have to say , at such an opportune time. I know you’re hurting, but take this positive direction and run with it. Enjoy the adventure ahead of you and just remember to be kind to yourself. Don’t get caught up on what and how you should be feeling. Just be and you’ll be alright, just give it time 🙂

Post # 12
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

What stood out to me is that you are 22. I was married to the worst man I have ever been with at 22. You are so lucky that you did not marry either of those fools. That is exactly what they are to let a catch like you to get away. You are doing everything that you should be doing. Focusing on improving yourself and your life is perfect. You can make a fresh start and become even more independant and strong, sweetie! Congrats on your progress. The pain will eventually subside. Enjoy your freedom and being overseas teaching. I have dated a bunch of guys who were not right for me, or the timing was wrong, or we wanted different things, etc, etc, etc… One day, when I was busy working on myself, God brought this amazing man into my life. The same will happen for you, too! I wish you well, and I know you will come out of this just fine!

Post # 13
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So this part of your post struck me: “We hit it off right away– he had dealt with an ex-girlfriend who did some terrible things to him, so we were able to deeply discuss and bond over some of our past experiences with heartache.”

I understand how great it must have felt to bond over those things but honestly? That’s not really such a great foundation. A good relationship starts with being interested in each other as people, not in bonding over woundedness.

I hope you don’t mind my saying that you seem quite black and white in your thinking – you’re either heartbroken or finally in love. Try to take it slow and focus on what’s happening now, not on absolutes such as whether the person you’re dating is the answer to all your wishes.

Start smaller: do I like this person, are we having fun? And try to let go of the idea that a relationship is the answer, and instead focus on being happy in yourself.

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