Post # 1
Occasional lurker, first-time poster here. I could use some etiquette help!
I’m 23 years old, an eldest child, with a boyfriend of 2.5 years. We are planning on getting engaged later this year, but we cannot live together now because of grad school logistics.
I have two cousins getting married later this year. My family has been invited to both – the invitations addressed to “The __ Family.” Since I have not lived in their house for 5 years, I assumed I’m not included.
However, I haven’t received my own invitation. I would like to go (tag along with my family’s invitations), but at the same time, I’d like my own invite so that I can bring my boyfriend and let him meet more family members.
My family is very close. I know they’d like to include me (and my future fiance!). But I’m starting to think that perhaps my family is stuck in a time warp. That I am included on the family invitation until I’m married myself! I’m a little annoyed by this (why don’t my relatives care enough to ask for my address?)
So my questions are, can I consider myself to be invited or not? Is it rude of them to not allow me a date, when they know I have a boyfriend of 2.5 years, or am I overreacting? Thanks!
Post # 3
I would have your parents inquire re who is included in the invitation.
Post # 4
If would assume that you are invited since they put “family” but it is odd that you did not recieve your own invite since you haven’t lived with your parents for 5 years.
I would def NOT assume your boyfriend is invited. In fact, I would assume he is not.
Post # 5
That’s annoying. They should have sent you your own invitation. We gave anyone over 16 their own invite.
I think you should call the bride and ask her. If you’re invited, I think your boyfriend should be too. Some brides and grooms give everyone in a “serious” relationship a plus one, some only give people a plus one if they’re living with, or engaged to, their spouse, so you’ll have to clarify. For now I would assume he is not invited.
Post # 6
@AlyssaM: I would see if your parents can ask if that means just them or you too. Does your family normally follow proper etiquette when it comes to invitations? I know with my family people can get lax with it sometimes. When it happens with my family it’s usually somebody who is living elsewhere for school and still comes home occasionally though. If you are meant to be included I find it odd that they wouldn’t have sent an invite to you seperately if you haven’t lived with your parents for five years…
Do you think they just sent one to your parents including you for budgetary reasons? Maybe they couldn’t afford enough invitations to send out to everyone who was old enough to get their own and just sent one to the “head” of each little group to have their bases covered? I don’t know… I guess I’m trying to just find logic in it somewhere.
Post # 7
I agree with the PPs- have your parents ask their parents.
I totally forgot my cousin was 18 & didn’t send her her own invite. I feel like a biatch, but it was just an oversight. 23 is pretty old not to receive your own invite, but they may have just being practical & not wanting to waste money on 2 stamps.
Now that I think about it, I was invited to a wedding when I was 23 on my parents’ invite. And I even had a kid at the time! Oh, well, I didn’t think much of it.
Post # 8
When we got married we sent an invitation to DH’s Aunt addressed to the family. Their children were 22 and 23 at the time. They’re in college still and so I included them on the family invite. I did not send them their own invitations, nor did I mean to invite their bf/gf’s, even though I know one of them has been dating for 4 years.
I wouldn’t assume anything. I would have your mother inquire if you truly feel like it was an error, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up or have her push the issue.
Post # 9
Thanks for the input! I didn’t assume at any point that my boyfriend was invited, it just would’ve been nice.
Now that you mention it, I think my family can be a bit lax about invitation etiquette. But I haven’t been to a wedding in a while so I guess I hadn’t noticed.
Post # 10
This happened to me too. I think because I moved every year in college, they thought it’d just be easier to send one invite to my parents. Yes, it’s rude, but I’d just go along with it because calling and asking can give the bride and groom undue stress. It sounds like you’re invited (because you’re part of the “family”) but your boyfriend is not.
Post # 11
I would consider yourself invited, but I would not consider your Fiance invited.
Post # 12
I also would have my parents inquire if that included you and fi. I sure wouldn’t just show up.
Post # 13
@AlyssaM: You are correct if you do not live at the same address as your parents and they receive an invite to “Smith Family” you are not invited.
I would not have my parents enquire if I was invited because it really puts the hosts in a bad position. If they hadn’t meant to include you, then they may feel “forced” to invite you. Your parents should send their reply saying Jack and Diane Smith yes. If the hosts meant for you to be invited, they will definitely follow up with your parents (probably since they don’t seem to know you don’t live there), asking if Alyssa (and possibly FI) are coming.
It will also be a lesson in correct addressing. But you should publically extend the benefit of the doubt, that the host did not mean for you to be invited.
Post # 14
I just wanted to add, that if you call to follow up, you are essentially telling them hosts that you are calling to check because they obviously didn’t know how to properlly address an invitation.
We see so many posts on here “Can you believe that I invited 2 and they responded for a family of 18?” I think you have to take the hosts at their word, that they know who they are inviting.
Post # 15
They didn’t put “3 seats reserved” or anything? My family has 5 other families that we are close with and most of the other children I grew up with are adults now. I’m going to address them to the ______ family but include a number.
You should just double check. They were the ones who didn’t specify but you definitely don’t want to show up as an uninvited guest.
Post # 16
@andielovesj: Good point. I’d rather have people wonder why I wasn’t there than wonder why I showed up. I have read the posts like those you’re describing – guests inviting along too many people