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Hi everyone,
I'm 28 years old and single (I did have a long term relationship, but we broke up). I notice that a lot of my colleagues and friends are married/getting married or are in serious relationships.
Also, I notice most of the men I meet my age are taken. The ones that aren't taken are single because they just want to have 'fun' and don't want to commit. This is what worries me too.
So I have some questions, I hope you can help me out :)
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
I hope you can help me, I sometimes really feel like an outcast :( It's like everyone around me got married in their 20's
I have SO many friends and cousins who married in their 30s and are extremely happy! In fact, it seems much more common these days for people to marry in late 20s and 30s.
It is much more important to wait until you find the right person and have it last, rather than rushing because of a certain timeline or deadline you have in your mind.
Getting answers to your list of questions won't help you...you just need to be fulfilled in other areas of your life until you find your partner. Maybe you could join some dating sites, lots of bees have found their SOs that way.
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
I know so many late 20's and early 30's single men. More and more people are waiting to settle down.
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
Of course there are men who are not ready to commit, but mostly it is because they are waiting for the right woman
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
My sister met her husband in her late 20's and she married in her early 30's.
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
I met my SO at age 34 years old (I am 35 now) and we are getting married in August 2012.
hey i got engaged when i was 28 and gonna be married when im 31. Only one of my friends is married and she got married at twenty eight after dating her husband for a year. I think that you will meet the right guy however dont enter every relationship thinking it will progress into a marriage. If you want a wedding then you could proberly find a suitable guy but if you want a marriage then you need to find the right guy who you want to spend the rest of yr life with. I know its hard i thought i would never get married, live alone and be the creepy old dog lady (every town has one). You said most guys just want to have fun but is that not what you want too? maybe u should stop putting pressure on yrself and the potential guy and have fun too.
I work with mostly an older crowd so I only know a handful of single male colleagues; however, I have many friends/acquaintances in their late 20's that are still single. I think the majority of them are just waiting to meet the right person. I have seen some of them in long-term relationships so I don't think it has to do with commitment-phobia.
I met my FI when I was 22, but we didn't start dating until I was 25. He's four years older than me. So when we marry, he'll be 31. Out of our core group of friends, we are the first to be getting married. (And many of the guys are older than I am: 28-30 range) So in my group, getting married is kind of out of the norm for our ages.
You have plenty of time! Try not to worry and put so much pressure on yourself. :)
I could answer your questions. I've had those questions myself. Here's the thing. Until you're happy with yourself, and you know that you'll lead a happy life even if you're single for that whole life, you'll never truly be happy. A relationship or wedding can't make your life have meaning. This was very hard for me. I was so focused on finding a relationship. Until I came to the conclusion that I could lead a happy and fullfilling life by myself was I really ready for more. Once I came to that realization in my mid-thirties did things start falling into place. And the more people I talk to the more I find people that had to get to a similar place.
So be patient, live your life, find your happiness and you will find what you want when you least expect it. And yes I know that sounds cheesy.
I understand where you are coming from as I felt the same way. Alot my friends were married in there 20s BUT half of them our divorce now. I met my husband when I was 30 and he is 37 and I can tell you he was well worth the wait. We actually met online on lava life.have you considered online dating? Don't give up but don't settle either. You want make sure when you do get married it is with right person!
I met my FI when I was 30. I'm 34 now.
We were matched up on Eharmony, and i moved across the country for him.
Meeting men in "traditional" locations wasn't working for me, and it took MANY frogs before I found him, but it was all worth the wait and all the hell leading up to finding him.
I was in your situation, but have faith, you will meet someone. I had two long term relationships, one in college (a little over 4 years) and one in grad school (about 3.5 years until he cheated on an international business trip). After the second, I was 27.
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
Most of my grad friends are married (a lot came in married/serious relationships). My college friends are getting there but there are still some single.
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
Didn't find the right person.
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
Well I hope to be one. Yes, absolutely! You just need to get out there and meet people and try new things. Be open.
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
I started dating FI when I was a few month shy of 29.
I agree with the PPs who have said that you need to first love yourself, love your life, and find personal fulfillment on your own terms. I spent most of my 20s refusing to date because I needed to work on me and achieve my own goals before getting involved with someone else and having to deal with his issues and goals. Along the way I built my confidence and independence, two of the qualities that Mr. LK finds so endearing in me. Mr. LK and I met when we were 29, and married when we were 31.
I met my husband online when I was 34. I used E-Harmony. I got engaged at 35 and married at 36. My husband is the same age. You still have lots of time have fun, I wish I had had more fun when I was single. It is hard to see most of your friends and family marry before you do.
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
It's a good mix, actually. Most of my male coworkers in that age group are married or in serious relationships. But college and high school friends of the same age are mostly single.
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
Most are actively looking. A few are just out of serious relationships and not ready to start trying again.
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
Plenty! My sister and BIL married a few years ago at 29/30 and are super happy.
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
I was 25 and he was 30. When we get married, I'll be 4 months shy of 27 and he'll be a month away from 32. We met online (yay match!). It seems like that's how a lot of people are getting together now. My friend married a man she met off eharmony last year, and I have two friends that met on okcupid that just got engaged.
I think in England it's far less common to be married in your twenties than it is in America. A lot of people are in their thirties before they get married, and even if they're not it's not unusual, however it's probably around then that they start feeling how you do now.
I don't think 28 is "past it" when it comes to not being married, and chances are if you say the men your age that you know want to have fun and not commit just yet, that they don't feel "past it" either, and will feel more like settling down when they're a little older.
I understand- I was 27 when I met my now-fiance, and I will be 28 when we get married. Technically we knew each other at 15, but we didn't really keep in touch all those years, so there was a huge gap in which I randomly dated and didn't find the one. A handful of my friends are still single in their late 20's. I think its just how things are now. I went to law school and didn't have time to settle down or date anyone until after law school was over.
Be careful. If you focus too much on meeting a guy and getting married, that may backfire. It's hard to appear mysterious and slightly unavailable if you're grilling your date about what he wants in the future then whipping out your calendar to see when you can get together again. Not that you do these things, but you get my point.
My advice woudl be to put yourself out there by joining dating websites and asking friends to set you up. But when you go out with someone, focus on having a good time in the moment and getting to know him (also in the moment). Remember, anyone can get married if they really want to - but to marry the right person at the right time is harder but worth it.
I got engaged at 29 years old and will marry at 31, and I thank my lucky stars just about every day that it didn't happen sooner. In my late 20s I really started coming into myself and learning who I am supposed to be... in my early-mid twenties I was just figuring this stuff out and was dating all kinds of dudes who helped me learn what I'm looking for in a partner.
My suggestion: take your time, be patient, be a 'yes' girl - meaning, say 'yes' to every invitation that comes your way. Take cooking classes, sign up for ballroom dance, join a singles group - you never know what could happen, and at the very least you'll have a great time and meet some new friends. It WILL happen for you, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there a little bit.
I found my fiance by posting an ad looking for someone to go to a concert with since I had an extra ticket. It was our common love for this particular band that got the ball rolling, and as it turns out we had/have a hell of a lot more in common because of it. I had a TON going on in my life when I met him too - a great career, an amazing social life, both taking and teaching belly dance classes, going to the gym, traveling, you name it. I was so busy but so happy... life was good, and just got better when I met my now fiance.
Have faith! It'll happen for you.
I agree...the more you worry about this stuff, the more it's going to drive you NUTS! Life happens as it is supposed to happen and no matter how much you may want something, it will come in its own due time.
I was single for the majority of my 20s - a few boyfriends here and there but nothing too serious - I had a really hard time adjusting to being on my own initially. Most of my friends were in serious relationships and thus, I spent a lot of time on my own. It was hard at first but I learned how to enjoy my own company and how to make my own fun. I treated MYSELF like a princess instead of sitting around waiting for someone else to do it. On Saturday nights, I would put on comfy pajamas, make a lovely meal, light some candles and pour some wine and watch chick flicks (or anything else I wanted) and just enjoyed my peaceful "me" time.
I met my FI when I was 29 and at that point, had totally accepted being single and accepted that if it was my fate to be single for the rest of my life, that it would be ok and I would still have a great life. Funny that's exactly when he walked into my life. We've been together over 4 years now and lived together most of that time and we JUST got engaged last month. We'll both be 34 when we get married and it feels great to be fully developed as people and a couple before we make that life-long commitment to each other.
I know it's hard to hear when you're feeling lonely or like you're the only single person in your social circle but trust me, focus on YOURSELF instead of MEN and you'll be amazed how much better your life will seem. When the right guy is supposed to show up, he will. You can't force it - I have a friend who is ALWAYS going on about being perma-single and how she feels like she's never going to find someone and as smart and beautiful as she is, she CAN'T find anyone because she REEKS of desperation. You do NOT want to give off that vibe because everyone can sense it - ESPECIALLY guys.
Love yourself, love your life and love will find you.
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
I always go back to the fact I'm in NYC but yes I know a number of single guys. Only a couple are married
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
There are a good number who've been in approx year long relationships but still don't know "If she's the one." I see most of them as marriage minded.
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
Absolutely, and even older. People generally get married older here.
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
FI and I met when I was 25, he was 21… He was still in school and our relationship was LD for the first 3 years. Now he's 27, & I'll be 31 on our honeymoon and can't imagine getting married any younger.
I hope you can help me, I sometimes really feel like an outcast :( It's like everyone around me got married in their 20's
The majority of our friends and cousins attending our wedding are still single. And most are attending our wedding alone.
thanks so much everyone for your answers.
By saying 'having fun' I mean they don't want a serious relationship, but just want to sleep around with many women.
KS240030, Laurengettingmarried, kay01, misspeanut and msgraphics, the singles you are talking about, are they in relationships? Because I read somewhere 'being single' can also be interpreted as not married, but in a relationship nevertheless
Laurengettingmarried, kay01 and misspeanut, the single friends/acquintances/college friends you are talking about, are they male? I see more guys than girls around me in relationships
I'm 34 and single for a few months now. I wasn't fine with being unmarried though for many years. I was very angry when everyone else around me was finding someone :-( Please don't stress so much about getting married...it made me miserable. I am much happier now that I accept where I am in life.
I was 36 when when I met my FI. I had been single for about 3 years prior to meeting him so I understand how you feel. I meet him on match.com Have you tried online dating sites at all? In most cases the men on them are looking for a relationship. Of course there will be a handful jerks, but it can be worth it to weed through them. I just turned 39 and my wedding is in 2 months. Hang in there and try not to focus/stress to much on being single. Live your life and try to meet new people and it'll all work out!
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
I still have plenty of friends and colleagues who are in their late 20's/early 30's and are not taken.
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
I have a mix of both, but mostly it's just that they haven't met the right person yet. I do have two friends (one is 29 and one is 36) who recently got divorced (never had any children). They both really want long lasting relationships, they just married really young (19 and 21 respectively) and it didn't work out.
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
I do! I am one of them! One of my best friends also had that happen, and her sister as well. I know more and more people that are meeting and getting married later in life.
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
I had turned 28 a week before I met my DH. We were engaged before I turned 29, and married just before my 30th birthday (I will be 30 on Dec. 26th).
I know how hard it is not to get down about meeting someone and getting married. I felt exactly the same way you did. I was in all these weddings, all my friends were getting married and engaged, cousins, etc. It will happen for you. Trust me, I never thought in a million years that things would work out for me the way that they did. Hang in there!
I know everyone says this, but the minute I gave up really trying to find someone...it happened!
^the friends and colleagues who aren't taken, are they guys?
you say you know many friends who are single at that age, but at the same time you say all your friends were getting married? I'm a bit confused 
Love can happen at any time and at any age! Even when your least expecting it, so love yourself and the man of your dreams will notice, come in to your life and the rest they say is history! :)
Yeah they are guys. Sorry I thought that's what you were looking for, for an answer.
Most of my close girl friends got married or engaged before me, with the exception of a couple. A lot of my girlfriends were with their college bfs and married them. I think when I said that I meant the people that were really in my inner circle. My tight knit group of friends and family. I know people through work and other activities and all that, but it was different than all my best friends being really seirous about someone.
I'm 34 and engaged for the first time!! So glad I waited!!!
If i'd married any of my LTR from my 20's it wouldn't have lasted...
Don't worry. Besides it all the people who get married young that throws the divorce rate off. Since 75 % of people who marry before age 25 get divorced, whereas only 25% of people who get married after 28 do. So that throws off the average to make this infamous 50% divorce rate.
Wait for the right one! you'll be glad you did. if however, you are worried that you may have emotional issues that are blocking you from relationships and intimacy, it wouldn't hurt to read some self-help books on self esteem, love, or see a counsellor for a few sessions.
thanks for your reply sunshine180 ;) are those single guys looking for a serious relationship?
I was turning 28 when I felt that I would be single for the rest of my life..i went as far as planned out my future; work and enjoy single life until 30..after 30 and the right guy hasn't come along, i was to adopt an orphan from Vietnam...(after 30 I would be more financially stable and can handle parenting).
7 days before I turned 28, I met hubby through a friend. On my birthday he took me out to celebrate my birthday, a week later at Thanksgiving we met each other's families, a month later we became engaged! We got married last month, a month shy of the 2 years since we met!
- what about your male colleagues and friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them taken too or do you know some/plenty who aren't taken?
Most our friends are not married (i'm turning 30 and Fi is turning 31). Most of them are in serious relationships..but a lot of them are still searching for the right person. I work with engineers..and they're late bloomers..most of them are in their early or mid 30s and they barely got engaged or in serious relationships now.
-Are they single because they don't want to commit or didn't they found the right person yet and are looking for a serious relationship/marriage?
They're really looking for someone they can settle down with. There might be one or two that isn't..but i realized they're only saying they're not if they haven't found the right one. One guy we know swore up and down that he'll be single for life and lives on a boat..he got engaged last year to a girl he only dated for 4 months! Another one met a girl through a friend and got engaged 6 months later! I realized hubby didn't want to get marry either at least not until he was 33 (when he wanted kids)..that obviously didn't work out for him..maybe we'll wait until 33 to have kids.
- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?
Yup..plenty! We're happily married for 17 days (on paper for almost 1 year). We got legally married before our wedding because we wanted to save money for the wedding and not rely on our parents.
- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?
I was a few day shy of being 28 years old and he was a month shy of 29 years in age. We celebrated our 28th and 29th (mine and his) birthdays together.
I hope you can help me, I sometimes really feel like an outcast :( It's like everyone around me got married in their 20's
You really shouldn't feel bad about not being married yet. It is better to wait for the right guy than to be married and divorced! Your guy probably didn't stop to ask for directions on how to get to you..but he'll find his way sooner or later!
I'm 33 and used to feel the same way when I was 28. And then when I was 29-31 I was in a drama filled relationpship that didn't work out because we're different cultures. At 32 I started dating the guy who was basically my best friend. And I finally found that person I'm supposed to be with :-).
Anyways, I would say yes - a lot of my male coworkers are engaged/married/in serious relationships. But not all. One thing I think is really important is to open yourself up to all types of people. My FI is 6 years younger than me, only about 3 inches taller, and lived with his mom until we move in together (because of his ginormous student loans.) Believe me, when I was filling out online dating profiles, on paper he was not at all what I was looking for. But I learned that not every 30 something guy is looking for commitment, and not every 20 something is just out for a good time. Oh, and height isn't the big deal I thought it was :-).
I have been in your boat! I was 27 and had never been in a 'real' relationship. Most of the people I went to HS and college with had already gotten married in their early to mid twenties and some already had kids and such. I wanted the whole wedding and family thing soo bad and didn't feel like it was ever going to happen for me. I wasn't prone to going out and finding guys that way and worked with only a few people, none of which I had any interest in being with. Then I did what any other desperate person did, i tried the wonderful wide world of online dating... I didn't feel very comfortable telling too many people. I didn't feel like I was they type of person to try online dating. But I did it, and I'm glad I did, because I am 28 and engaged! Online dating was definately not a pick and choose type of thing and there were a lot of a-holes and loosers. But I found one of the good ones, and I am very happy!
@redkeet: The single friends I was referring to are all completely single. (Not in relationships) I would say that they're fairly equal number male and female. (Prob 4 male, 3 female out of my closest friends)
I know LOTS of wonderful single men. I am 28 and only ONE of my friends from college is married. And she is younger than I am. So, maybe it is just your perspective or your group. There are lots of single men out there! I think love is like a lot of other things in life, you have to just be you and forget about it and do your best and then it happens. It is one of those things you can't control (in other words.) I lived in a non-traditional-type place and they were there, now I live in a more all-american place, and my sister says there are men everywhere and she is in NYC. So... don't get discouraged! Be yourself and do the things you love and take care of yourself, someone will notice. You are likely to meet someone when you are just doing something you love that is right for you. That is what I have found. DH was 28 when we met.
I just turned 36 last Thursday. I got engaged last May. 2nd engagement.. first marriage (God willing.. needless to say first incident has left me insecure about it!)
I echo some other posters.. I'm SO glad I didn't get married young (early 20s)... I'm NOT the same person whatsoever. And the men I was with and wished would propose then are NOT the type of men I'd want to be with now. I've experienced all I want to experienced and lived quite a life. I have no regrets. The only time it hurts is when I read threads on here such as "how old is too old to have a baby" and people think over 35 is selfish. I have not been married yet NOT by my choice (though no regrets).... and chose not to get pregnant (took extreme precautions) before marriage. I do want children and do not feel it's selfish to want that.
I reconnected with a guy who loved me through our teens a year and a half ago on my last ditch effort of an online dating site believe it or not! It clicked this time. He's my soul mate... I just didn't recognize that when we were younger. I had a lot of growing up to do and quite honestly he had a lot of life to experience.
I will agree most men my age who are single are single for a reason. I went through so many stupid games with men before reconnecting with FI I lost hope. I gave up. That's when he found me.
I think everything happens for a reason. You haven't made that connection yet for a reason. When my ex fiance cheated on me, my sister told me within a year everything can change. She had friends who met their soul mate and were married and starting a family all within a year. You just never know. Don't lose hope. Honestly you are still young. I am STILL a different person from 28 to 36! I feel the more you mature and experience life, the more likely the one you end up with is to "stick"....
****hugs**** I KNOW exactly how you feel. I've been there. And at times I still get scared and feel that way. You WILL find happiness.
@redkeet: I think you are putting WAY too much emphasis on this. That song that goes "You can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait." has it right to a T. It's frustrating to think about it, but everything happens the way it does for a reason, and usually, it's when you aren't looking or expecting it, that you find exactly what you have been waiting for.
Nearly every person I know my age or younger (i.e. not my parents generation) who married in their 20s is now divorced. That doesn't mean you can't make a good marriage in your 20s, since people do, but being older when you marry is not a bad thing.
If you count divorced as "not taken", about 30% of the men I know in the 20s/30s are single and looking for a committed relationship. They are a mix of those casually dating right now and those not seeing anyone, but most have their eye on something more than casual. One just broke up with someone because "The relationship is great for now, but it doesn't have long term potential and I want kids.".
Most of my friends met their current partner in their 30s and made very happy marriages, including the people who got married in their 20s and subsequently divorced.
I was 38 when I met my partner and he was 30. I'll be 45 and he will be 37 when we get married. I wasn't in a hurry to get married, although I did feel left out of the loop sometimes. When people pressured me, (My younger brother was one of those who married in his 20s, divorced, and then met and married his now wife in his 30s, before I met my partner.) I told them I was merely skipping my first divorce.
I'm going to echo everyone else by promoting online dating. Many many many people I know are marriage-bound thanks to okcupid.com (it's one of the free sites). You have to have a strong sense of self and BS filter to work the online dating field.
I don't know that any of my other questions would help you. I do have a few male friends who are 26-28 and single with zero prospects, none of whom are single because they want to be players. The biggest problem those guys have is that they are either 1. Always hanging out with the same insular group of friends 2. Have unrealistic expectations about women in terms of looks (ie a very overweight friend who only wants to date waifs).
I met my intended through the above mentioned means when I was 20 and he was 21. We'll be wed next year when I'm 24 and he's 25.
I have a lot of hope for my currently single male friends age 26-28. Once people are all "married off" from round one of dating, the guys will be forced to go outside of their comfort zone and meet women or else resign themselves to the bachelor lifestyle.
Casual dating as in having one nights stands/friends with benefits? Or do you mean something else?
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