Post # 1
Soooooooooooo, it’s true… My fiance and I have family flying in from states we have never visited… They are flying in to see family, watch us get married, and hopefully have a good time… This is what I want in having a wedding, for my family and my fiance’s family to be able to meet, mingle and have a good time… What other time would our families come together like this?
The problem lies within my family… My mom, sister, dad and step mom to be exact… My mom and sister have a no-contact order. They are NOT allowed to be in physical presence of eachother, and my dad and step mom dislike my mom with a passion. I don’t have that great of a relationship with her and still want her there.
We want to elope and have my mom, dad, his mom, his dad, and my favorite aunt and uncle there to watch us get married. But since we have all the set up paid and ready for our wedding I want to have a traditional ceremony…
If you were a guest, how would you react to finding out the couple you were coming to see get married, already got married!???
I want the wedding pictures that come with a wedding, but drama with my family about my mother being at the wedding is SO overwelhming…
One problem that is really pushing this is that my mom really reacted negatively when I told her that I can not choose between her and my sister… My sister being the MOH planned the shower and I don’t want to uninvite anyone. I have tried to make wedding planning special for my mom but she wants all or nothing…
If you have any advice, my ears and heart are open! (This is really the short version, it’s turned into a choose mom or sister and if I choose mom over sister then dad won’t walk me down the aisle. 🙁 ) Well he said thats a thought he had, not that he wouldn’t for sure…
Post # 3
@youngORbride: so you’re still planning to have the reception but not the ceremony? I’d totally be fine with that As a guest. It’s still a fun celebration, I wouldn’t have any negative thoughts of you eloping first
Post # 4
You should have told everyone this before they made sacrifices and booked tickets. If I paid a lot to fly in and found out you guys were already married, I’d be upset.
Post # 5
If you are still having a full ceromony for those that flew in, I think that that is fine. They are still coming to see what they always thought they were. Just make it clear that although you are already LEGALLY married, this is what you consider to be your spiritual binding and want everyone to bare witness to it.
But make it clear that you are already married, people get upset when they find out later.
Post # 6
@AlwaysSunny: But isn’t this similar to a couple having two ceromonies for two different cultures or religions? One is technically “fake” but to the couple and their guests they are both very real and hold different, but still very important meaning.
Post # 7
Need more info…
Are you having one ceremony (the Elopement) or two ?
That would make a BIG difference in my mind in regards to what type of event you are actually hosting…
Wedding Celebration OR a Vow Renewal…
And “there can be” different Rule of Etiquette for each
(and for good reason… such as upsetting the Guests)
Post # 8
As a guest I would be sort of confused, but it certainly wouldn’t keep me from coming and enjoying myself.
You have quite the situation on your hands, and in my opinion, if your guests are going to be angry enough about a logistic of your cermony, then they probably should stay home and let the more loyal friends and family support you on your big day.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
I’d be upset but I’d still try and be happy and have a good time. We have family flying in as well and I’d feel guilty as hell if they’d paid for tickets to come all this way, but at the same time I know that they’d be upset with me so maybe that’s why I feel this way. If I thought nobody would mind then I’d probably elope too!
Post # 10
How would your dad react to you eloping with him + your mom? Have you talked this over with him? It sounds like you are trying to avoid drama but as much as he seems to dislike your mom eloping with the two of them along might cause more.
As for your family and friends, if you were to elope, I’m not sure I would tell them you were already married. They are coming to see a wedding and I think they would be a tad upset if you eloped first.
Post # 11
@Everdeen: The main difference is that the guests would know there would be another ceremony before they decided to come or not. Also, the ceremonies would be independent and unique – one would be for the American governement/culture and the other would be for the other cultural traditions. The guests would probably be familiar with the cultural traditions they’re honoring. The OP made it sound like the ceremonies would be the same so the guests would probably compare them and think that one was more “real” than the other.
Again OP, that’s fine if you want to do tha. I understand why. It sounds like you’re in a pickle. Just make sure everyone knows what’s happening before they make plans.
Post # 12
@AlwaysSunny: Perhaps I’m misunderstanding the OP but I thought she was having a very small ceremony and then a large one + reception in order to avoid family drama. So it ends up that different people are at either wedding. Whilst the first and smallest one will be the legal on, it sounds like the second one will be the most meaningful. So although there are no huge cultural differences, both have different people and very different vibes and purposes.
OP, if you are worried, why don’t you just have the big party first, making it the legal ceremony, and the smaller one for the other family members afterwards.
Post # 13
All of your input and advice has been really helpful, thank you for replying!
we are hoping to do JUST the small elopement ceremony a week or two before the wedding date… But we wantoto have the reception for everyone to celebrate together BUT also to have the families meet and be able to see each other…
After we elope or probably before id like to send everyone a letter saying what we did but would love to still see everyone but obviously would understand if ppl didn’t go…
my dad said he would be at the wedding no matter what, but he said if I chose my mom over my sister he wouldn’t be as big a part of it 🙁 with the small ceremony I want to have them both there and not let my sister, dad or a judge determine who gets to go…
I want to make guests feel special still and would still do favors and fun games from them
Post # 14
@AlwaysSunny @Tickles @This_Time_Round
Post # 15
I think you are going to create more drama by doing this, which is the opposite of your intention.
Post # 16
@Everdeen: sorry didn’t know how to tag! Lol
@Daffadowndilly: I feel like they are coming because its a wedding but a large part is to see other family… So I don’t want to strip them of everything and cancel altogether… I want to see them and have them meet my fiancé…
@Kat: thank you! I feel it’s just my dad step mom, mom and sister making it difficult 🙁 I just want to marry my man and have all our family together!!! Lol
@This Time Round: