Post # 1
My fiance is from the midwest and has a lot of family and friends out there who won’t be able to afford coming to our Napa Valley ceremony and reception. Then there’s a set of friends and family who are coming to both. We’re thinking of having another reception out there but I don’t know how to do the invitations. We want to keep the Napa shindig small since we’re paying for it ourselves. His parents are paying for the midwest one.
So now I have questions about invitations, honeymoon, and my wedding dress:
First the invitations:
Should I send out three sets of invitations: Napa valley only, Napa and an insert about the midwest ceremony, and midwest only reception? Are people who are only formally invited to the midwest only reception going to be offended? Or should I mention the napa valley wedding and reception to everyone who’s invited tot he midwest ceremony?
The wedding dress:
Do I wear my wedding dress to the midwest ceremony even if it is 3 weeks after our Napa wedding?
Should I delay our honeymoon till after our midwest ceremony which is 3 weeks later after the napa one? I think the last minute details for that reception will bother me so much that I wouldn’t enjoy the honeymoon. Plus, I feel like I’m playacting if we’ve already had the honeymoon.
thanks for reading all this!
Post # 3
I am going through the same thing. I hope this helps a little.
We are having a ceremony and reception in Australia and a reception in Arizona. The reception is 6 months after the wedding. We are not wearing our wedding clothes to the AZ reception. I bought a dress that matches the "theme" of the wedding to wear to the reception.
We sent Australia STD cards, now we are sending AZ STD cards when the Australia invites go out. I am also sending an AZ STD/invite to the people that are attending the wedding.
Post # 5
On the subject of the wedding dress and honeymoon, I think you should do whatever you want. Although if it was me, I wouldn’t put the dress back on for the second reception – maybe just have some photos from the wedding available for guests to look through. I would maybe get a nice tea length white dress to wear – something distinctive but something that doesn’t scream "I just came from the church!!"
On the subject of the invites – which you posted about earlier – I wouldn’t "mention" the wedding and first reception to anybody. Either invite them or don’t invite them. If you invite them only the second reception, you shouldn’t be trying to hide that you had a previous one – but you also shouldn’t be pointing out to them that you didn’t invite them to that event. It’s just fine to have a reception immediately following the wedding at your destination location, and invite only those people you actually invited to the wedding. It’s also just fine to have a second reception at another location, for those guests who couldn’t travel to the wedding. It’s not fine to invite people to the destination wedding but not the destination reception.
Post # 6
Invitation lists are very complicated, but it seems more and more common to have a large reception after the initial wedding/reception for destination weddings. Our wedding is somewhat local, but *very* small (under 60). Given FI’s large number of family, we’re not going to be able to invite a lot of our friends to the formal wedding. To be more inclusive we’re hosting an informal reception a little while after we return from the honeymoon.
I hadn’t thought about what to wear yet, but I wasn’t planning on wearing the wedding dress. Something simple to be sure to match the more informal feel of the second reception.
On the invitation front, invite who you want to your Napa Valley ceremony. Create the guest list for the reception separately, but it would be good to invite those who were able to share your day with you in Napa as well, especially if they are fairly local to the second reception site.
Post # 7
I think once you stop thinking of the Midwest party as a reception, the planning becomes easier. Your wedding ceremony and reception are being held in Napa, and you are inviting whoever you chose. Your in-laws are then hosting a party in your honor in the Midwest. They will be issuing the invitations (consulting with you of course about who you’d like to have attend).
You might not want to wear your wedding gown to the midwest party. You might want to send announcements to those who are invited to the Midwest party, but not to the wedding and reception.
Post # 8
My FMIL wanted to have a second reception also, because she didn’t get to invite everyone who she wanted. I was in FITS about this until, like weddingmuse said, I stopped thinking of it as a second reception (I kept thinking that she wanted to show me up, that she wanted people to come to hers instead of the real one, that she wanted to take over the wedding, that it was a huge hassle bc we were already married!…). It’s a party to celebrate your wedding, which was in Napa weeks before, followed by a reception.
That being said, honeymoon when you want (we’re doing it immediately after the wedding). Wear the dress you want (I’m not wearing it again. If they didn’t get an invite to the wedding, they don’t get to see the dress.). As far as the invites go, it’s my FMIL, so the only "double invites" will be my FI’s aunts and uncles and that sort of thing. I didn’t want people to feel obligated to travel for the wedding, and then have to come to another party to keep celebrating. So we’re doing separate invites, but you should do whatever works for you and your family.
Sorry, this has just been a touchy subject for me! I still can’t get over the fact that I don’t think people have realized that there’s just one wedding! It’s not like they get a do-over because they didn’t like the first one!
Post # 9
Invites: I would recommend doing 3 versions of the invitations just like you defined in your original post. On the Midwest-only invite, yes, there might be some people who are offended, but you will never please everyone so you just have to do your best.
How about saying on the invite: John Smith & Jane Jones will be married at a small, intimate ceremony in California on MM-DD-YY. We invite you to celebrate our marriage at a local reception in the Midwest location on MM-DD-YY….
That way, you aren’t divulging the exact details of the Napa wedding, but you are telling them that you are getting married out-of-state in a small ceremony, but you want to celebrate with them locally in the Midwest.
Dress: It’s up to you, I’ve seen both where the bride wears the dress again (picture Gwen Stefani in L.A. and London). Or like Rebecca said, if you specifically plan the 2nd party w/ FMIL as a post-wedding celebration and NOT a 2nd reception, you can design it as a more casual affair and not feel like it’s competing with your Napa wedding (unless you want a big fancy affair in the Midwest, then go for it!)
Honeymoon: Don’t put it off if you prefer to go right away. Again, it’s a mental switch of thinking of the Midwest event as a post-wedding celebration instead of a 2nd reception. You will be living as husband & wife after the Napa wedding, so you may as well enjoy it!
Post # 10
Invites: We are having a destination wedding and reception… & then a few weeks later our I gues real ‘reception’ back home for all (including those who will not be able to make to our wedding). We are doing two different invites. The second invite being a more casual fun colorful invitation that will say something like ‘Your present is requested as we celebrate the union of Tiffany & Eddie blah blah" or something to that effect.
Dress: I bought another dress for the reception that is lace, short, and what I feel is more fitting for our reception ambiance… So I advise would be.. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable! On one hand, you spent all that money on your wedding dress – Wear it as much as possible! 🙂 But be sure it will fit the formality of the event.
Honeymoon: We knew from the get-go we would have the reception back home thus we decide to wait until after the second reception for the honeymoon… and this way we can go back to work for a few weeks between the OOT wedding and the honeymoon… it almost feels like we aren’t taking off for 3 weeks;-)
Post # 13
Thank you all! I really liked your wording for the midwest invite SoCalBeachgirl! It seems a little strange to wear the dress again but I am spending a lot on it and I don’t really want to spend money on yet another dress. We may delay the honeymoon until after the second since I don’t want the burden to fall completely on my FMIL. The second reception was my fiance’s idea afterall. They were generous enough to pay for it though it is unfortunately not to my taste!
It reminds me how I am glad that we’re paying for our wedding. Though it’s a big financial drain, we get to determine whatever we want.