Weddingbee boards

Oh yes.   I think your family meant well but does not change how unnecessary it is or the fact it hurt you.  One person funny is not the next LOL Mine was not meant well so if you want to hear something worse to cheer you up:

Before I went to destination wedding my FI wanted a big wedding (his first time) while planning my FMI said “why would you want a big wedding your already have one wedding”. Yeah she said it so snotty.  Then she said oh yeah what about your tattoo, maybe in you first wedding you could show it but your older now you know.  YEAH she said it. After she found out we decided on small destination wedding she refused to go because her grandbabies from her first born son could not come.  Seems some people are just hard to satisfy no matter what you do.  Oh and  one persons funny is not another but as long as it was not done with attitude I would try and shrug it off the best I could.  

Ug, everyone keeps saying that to me.  The worst person is my mother...for months she said things like, "Why are you bothering with a wedding?  I just don't understand," and "Are you sure you really want to wear a white dress?  Really?"  When I told her I was going to wear a veil (not in front of my face, but still tucked in my hair) she flipped and went off about how I already had my "big day" and why was I doing this?  (extra info: she has had three big weddings, one for each marriage).

Other people say things like "Let's get this one right, okay?"  AND I was MOH for my best friend recently.  The groom's mother gave a speech at a rehearsal dinner and said, "And when things get tough, stick it out.  Don't get divorced.  You just don't do that," and she turned to look straight at me.  She's even aware that my first marriage ended because my husband was abusive and I refused to stay in the situation.

A few people are making murmurs that by having a wedding, I'm just trying to get gifts.  We're paying for it ourselves, I'm pretty sure we're going to spend more than we'll receive back in gifts and we're okay with that.  In fact, we're okay with NO gifts.  We just want a freaking wedding day to remember and have pictures of to celebrate the fact that we're married, and this is the LAST time we'll ever get married (unless, you know, one of us is widowed).

It really helps me to think of some insecurity of whoever is making the joke and think of a witty thing to say about it but not say it.  Maybe my mistake was a very public one, but I know I did the right thing by ending that marriage.  I am doing the right thing by marrying my FI.  I am celebrating that day and if other people are going to hate, they're going to hate.  Most of them don't realize how hurtful they're being, so if it's a friend who I care about I will say, "I know you mean that as a joke but I really don't find it funny and don't want to joke about it.  I would appreciate if you would respect that."  And if it's someone who I know and vaguely care about but who doesn't matter to me on a deep level, I just kind of roll my eyes and don't bother.

@cardnasac:  Thank you so much, I'm okay with it really, it's just really frustrating!  My mom loves my FI but hates that we're having a wedding.  A few other people seem to feel the same way and I really don't know where they're coming from.  At least if they had a problem with FI, I'd understand!

It's awesome that your mom calls your FI son-in-law!

I can't believe people can be SO rude!!! I wonder if they'd have the same reaction if you were getting remarried and having a 'traditional wedding' after having been widowed?  Hell, why not celebrate having found the right person after being with the wrong one? Now you know how lucky you are with the new guy!

I totally understand how the OP (and others on this post) feel.  It hurts my heart, but my father has said some incredibly hurtful things to me, including that I have no right to have a wedding since I already had one.  I've decided to let it go, minimize my conversations with him and focus on the positive and exciting experience this has been...  Sometimes it hurts my heart and sometimes I have to call my fiance, a friend or my mom for support...

@cardnasac:  This is my second marriage and my FI's first as well.

I have had others say stuff like, "So what makes this one different?"

I feel likes saying, "OMG, like I have to explain the difference?  Can you not see what a major improvement in spouse-picking I did?  I think it's pretty obious - the chemistry, the respect, the love, the EVERYTHING."

I am not even sure if FI's family knows I was married before - I mean it's not a dinner topic or anything.  I don't introduce myself like that.  I don't even talk abou it (except on forums).  What differences does it make to them anyway?  Do I need to share every stupid thing I did in my 20s with everyone.  Not really.  I've stopped identifying myself as a person who got divorced.

You know it may not be my last marraige.  What if he passes away young?  I'd want to remarry again, and not be a widow for the rest of my life.  Things can happen.