(Closed) 2nd time bride in her 20s

posted 4 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@00gemannie00:  Are you Catholic, and your parents are concerned b/c they believe since you didn’t get a Catholic annulment that you are actually still married?

Post # 4
Member
5068 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

@00gemannie00:  oh I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to saY. 

Post # 6
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, as for your question seeking advice, I think you have to be able to see it from your parents perspective – YOU think your previous marriage no longer matters and therefore are free to get married since it was legally divorced, but THEY still see you as married – in their eyes, the eyes of the Church, and the eyes of God. (Which obviously matters a lot to them.) With this perspective, why would they come to your next wedding? To them it won’t be a wedding since they believe you are incapable of entering into a new marriage (since they still consider you married, since the Church does.) 

I don’t think there is a lot that you can do, other than just keep the lines of communication open – don’t let their unwillingness to attend your wedding harm your relationship. Try to understand how THEY view it – you going through with this wedding is a very serious thing to them, and a very serious public sin (in their eyes.)

I’m assuming they are very religious and that is why they view it this way, but is it possible that they do not approve of your new FI and are using this as an excuse to not support you? If not, then I think the best you can do is just have a heart-to-heart talk with them where you tell them that you understand how they feel and why they can’t attend, but also how important it would be for you  if they were to find a way to attend not necessarily showing support for your marriage (since they dont believe it will be a marriage,) but rather to show support for YOU on this important day in your life. Short of them talking to a priest who tells them it will be ok for them to attend, I’m not sure I see many other options for you.

Post # 7
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@00gemannie00:  Former Roman Catholic here: this makes me roll my eyes. You are divorced, and the only law you *have* to answer to is the law of the land. They need to respect that just because they believe something does not mean it transcends to you as well.

Have you wedding, and keep trying to include them. If they truly refuse to show up, there is nothing you can do about it: but at least you’ll know you did all you could.

Post # 9
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@00gemannie00:  maybe her dislike of him actually *came* from her belief that you were still married?

Post # 10
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If your parents choose not to attend your wedding or support your second marriage that is on them and your conscience should be clear.  I know there will be missing family members at my second wedding due to religious beliefs as well.  They will be noted and I will probably limit contact with them in the future, especially once we have children.

Your parents are probably hoping by sitting out the wedding you will have second thoughts and call the whole thing off.  Once you are married and they realize that you control the contact with their grandchild(ren) they will likely relent.  However, they will probably never get along with your second husband and you will need to figure out how to handle that while still supporting your husband.

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