2nd wives (or soon to be)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I never gave it a second thought, to be honest. But perhaps we are slightly unusual in that we are older and that we are on good terms with both my DH’s ex-wife and my ex-husband. Both came to our wedding reception with their current husbands/partners.

I know that my DH had a past. There’s nothing I can do to alter that and neither can he rewrite my history. Life has moved on.

However, the important thing to remember is that whatever went on in the past for your FI, you are the person he wants to be married to now. I’m sure you will look beautiful and have a wonderful day but please, don’t try and compete with an earlier wedding. That will just stress you out and achieve nothing. Your day will be unique to you and your FI and that’ll make it perfect.

 

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

It really doesn’t enter my mind. I know they eloped, but even if they’d done the whole big wedding thing I really wouldn’t feel the urge to compete or compare. 

 If you’re curious, why not just ask him? 

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honey, unless you are an identical twin of your FI’s previous wife, wear the dress she wore and plan to hold your wedding in the same venue with the same guest list, there’s honestly no way that your wedding can’t be different. Be true to yourself, wear what you want and feel great in and have the day that suits you and your FI. It won’t be anything like his previous wedding! 

Post # 8
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think I could do it. I would never want to be a second wife. I am sure there are some circumstances that would make it work for me, but for the most part, no way.

ETA: It’s nice that he doesn’t trash talk his ex, but I believe you have the right to know about their marriage and what led to the divorce. Honestly, these are things you probably should have discussed before agreeing to marry. As for the wedding itself, all of that is immaterial. You won’t do yourself any favors by knowing the ceremony details. They ultimately don’t matter.

 

Post # 13
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Kissed_by_lightning:  i never gave it any thought.  we had both been married before (on the exact same day) so we completely accepted the fact that we both had a past. 

as far as the wedding planning and my dress, i did what i wanted and didn’t really care or think about what he had before.  the only thing i know is that her dress wasn’t very nice and the bm dresses were green and uncomfortable (this came from my sil not my dh).  my dh didn’t really remember anything about his previous wedding.

i don’t really look at the situation as being his second wife; i look at it as being his last wife.  isn’t that what really matters?

Post # 15
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Kissed_by_lightning:  I’m a third wife but the other 2 weddings were so long ago that I doubt the fashions would have been the same.  If you are curious, just ask but I don’t think it should bother you. He is going to see this time as the best.

Post # 16
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Kissed_by_lightning:  I have found that from time to time, his pevious wedding does bother me.  But we talk often about our wedding, and we have specifically made it tailored to us.  His last time around it was the big huge formal Catholic wedding.  I think what sticks out the most of our talks is how he says he doesn’t remember too much of it, and that the entire day he felt pressured and rushed.  So I planned something totally different.  Ours will be small, and intimate, and no rushing.

 

 

 

But when I start to feel like I don’t compare, he is always reassuring.  I know the history quite extensively with him and his ex. I will still be HIS WIFE, when all is said and done.  If it bothers you that much, I say ask him.  I am siue he would be willing to talk with you about it.  Your wedding will be distinctly YOURS.  I don’t think that what you are feeling is unusual at all.  Try to focus on the things the TWO OF YOU LOVE.  And try to put the rest of it out of your mind.  You and he will have a beautiful wedding!!

 

 

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors