(Closed) 3 Friends, 3 “Sisters”, lots of feelings to not hurt = No MoH? (VERRRY LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How should I handle the Maid of Honor choice?
    Make Miranda MOH - best, longest standing friend but with her own wedding to worry about. : (2 votes)
    9 %
    Make Linda MOH - best friend, never fight but she is recovering from anorexia & has a lot of anxiety : (4 votes)
    18 %
    Make BOTH Miranda & Linda MOHs - They are both close to me, deserve honor & could SHARE the duties. : (3 votes)
    14 %
    Have NO MOH - Spare yourself the drama of a hierarchy and do everything by yourself. : (13 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 3
    21 posts
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This may sound crazy but could you just explain to them that you cant choose as you are close to all of them and just delegate certain jobs to each of them?. That way if no-one has the title they cant be upset/offended/too stressed and as a plus to you , you can ask each to help with the things that they will enjoy/be best at so you get the best of them all and wont live to regret your decision. It sounds like they both have a lot of stress and you may be better asking a little of them all rather than a lot from someone who cant handle it. 🙂

    Post # 4
    591 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Miranda sounds like a bridezilla. 🙂 I had a friend of mine decide to get married 2 weeks before me and didn’t freak out about it. A good reason (besides her freak out about your wedding) to not have her be your Maid/Matron of Honor is that she will be busy with her own wedding and not have time for yours?

    I would probably choose Linda as it sounds that she has been the better friend. Ask all of your bridesmaids to equally help with the shower and party plans though (at least all of your local friends), so the pressure isn’t all on her.

    Post # 5
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    That’s a whole bunch of drama in there. It honestly sounds like, not to be mean, a grownup episode of Mean Girls! I’d go with the one you trust to be there and keep you sane. That sounds like Linda. Just let her know that you are going to designate a lot of your “jobs” out that may overwhelm her and be reassuring that you dont expect much from her.

    Post # 6
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Sorry if you said something about this in your post, but what about just skipping the Maid/Matron of Honor role all together?  Tell them they are all special and just make the all BM’s.  

    ETA:  Ok – I read more of your post.  The girls you want to stand up with you make my head spin.  I’d actually nix the whole bridal party, honestly.  You’ll likely have a lot more peace.  BUT – assuming you don’t want to do that:  think about what your expectations are for your Maid/Matron of Honor and your BM’s.  Then, see who would best fulfill that (and I’d actually have a conversation with them about it).  Meaning – if you end up choosing Miranda, tell her what your expectations are and see if she’s even up to it.  She may decline, since she has her own wedding planning, etc.

    Post # 7
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m a fan of 2 MOH’s, but I’m biased because that’s what I’m doing.

    Post # 8
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I choose E. Your sister. She’s family. You will always be tied to your sister no matter what. I think you need to fix the relationship you have with her. This could be done my making her Maid/Matron of Honor. This way you can bond with her over wedding tasks. And I don’t really think her not being 21 should have anything to do with it. You don’t have to go out to a 21 and over place for your bachelorette party. You could have some kind of party at someone’s house or go to a place that lets 18 + in. Family is blood and will always be there for you no matter what.Your friends sound like a whole lot of drama and I honestly don’t really get why you would want to make any of them your Maid/Matron of Honor if they treat you like that (Miranda getting mad at you for getting married the same year and Riley for being jealous of your relationship). Just sounds like way too much drama for me! Just my opinion though. 🙂

    Post # 9
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Honestly, I think in your situation, I would pick your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor. I know she’s only 19, but the rest of your friends can plan a fun bachelorette party that includes her for part of it, but then moves on to the over 21 stuff later. If you choose your sister, it will eliminate any drama you might have with choosing one of your friends over another.

    Post # 11
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I almost voted for Linda as she seems the most kind to you, but after seeing how easily stressed she can be, understandably so, it may be best to forego a Maid/Matron of Honor altogether. Less drama is always the best route, m’dear, and I’m sorry there’s so much pettiness and vindication surrounding your relationships here otherwise. It is good of you to forgive the pettiness and move on, but clearly some things are still bothering you and you wouldn’t want that energy to be the closest to you, managing/organizing your big day. If you can find a way to give Linda the title of Maid/Matron of Honor (if you really, really want someone designated as such) but not have the duties of Maid/Matron of Honor necessarily, that might be a clean option for you.

    EDIT: Then again, the last two posters have a good point! Maybe it is time to repair your sisterly relationship? 

    Post # 12
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    you NEED someone “in charge”….My sister has decided to not have a Maid/Matron of Honor and no one does anything…..I had a feeling she assumed I would step into that role so I told her that when she needs me at something let me know….so far she hasn’t…

    I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor by choosing the person who I knew would do the BEST job at it….and so far I’ve been right…she is amazing and totally supportive of everything and will talk about my wedding for hours with me…LOL…she is excited about EVERYTHING….

    I did not choose my sister because

    1) she is not the most supportive person ever….

    2) she is very good at making excuses to get out of things and does this all the time

    3) she is very jealous of me (i’m not trying to sound snooty, but i have a pretty good life..lol)

    It turns out I made the right choice….she has already

    1) yelled at me because i want my BM’s to get their dresses at david’s bridal

    2) yelled at me because my wedding is 3 months before hers (she’s been engaged for 2 years)

    3) was “sick” yesterday when we were going to see the place that my mom is booking for the engagement party (which is just a sports bar-we are very unfancy people)

    YOU know who you need to pick….I would just suggest that you have a Maid/Matron of Honor….even just for organizational purposes….

    Post # 14
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I RUFUSE to be stressed out over Bridesmaid or Best Man issues.  I am having a huge bridal party because I LOVE those women with all my heart and I know they LOVE me too.  I’m in one of their weddings in July, then she’s in mine in October, then one will be getting married in December.    I don’t have time for frienemies and if they are not going to be behind you 100% I say just go with family or without. 

    As far as their responsibities, what exactly do you want them to do?  I have no one in my state to help me do any thing and they won’t get her til 2 days before my wedding.  If you make your sister your Maid/Matron of Honor there is nothing wrong with you planning your own bachlorette party, I’m planning mine.  This is suppose to be a happy time.  I haven’t seen 2 of my Bridesmaid or Best Man in over 5 years, I’m just looking forward to them being here with me on my special day helping me get ready and us just enjoying each others company.

    I say just go with the people that will make your day more enjoyable, and as far as picking a Maid/Matron of Honor, like someone posted in another thread, who can you call in the middle of the night to help you bury a body?  That person should be your Maid/Matron of Honor.


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