Post # 1
I really really need to vent. I know I’m over reacting and will calm down, but I’m just in complete shock. I found out on Facebook today that not one, but 3 of my girl friends all got engaged today. Of course I wished them well and congratulated them, but inside I feel really sad, especially since two of them haven’t been with their partners for more than a year. And then I felt sad for judging them on their length of dating because I know deep down I should be happy for them.
My mum found out and she has been making comments all night, asking me why my SO hasn’t proposed when he wants to be married this time next year and telling me that I shouldn’t talk about anything related because I ‘don’t have anyone to marry’.
I can’t help but feel a bit sad because I don’t really know what is going on through SO’s head. He told me he wants to ask my dad’s permission first, and I know it won’t be happening this weekend since he hasn’t asked yet. For the months I have been waiting I have never felt sad about it or tried to rush SO because I am content in our relationship, but I couldn’t help but envy my friend’s engagements and wishing that my mum would butt out of my life.
Have any of you waiting bees experienced any of these feelings?
Post # 3
@sunshinewish15: Firstly, take a deep breath!
Secondly, say this to your mum: “thanks mum for your ‘concern’, but SO and I will move at our own pace. We’ve spoken about marriage and know it’s on the cards and it will happen when we want it to because WE are ready. We don’t NEED the added pressure from loved ones, so please, until we come to you with the good news, leave us be.”
Thirdly, your feelings of sadness/jealousy are natural. You’re a good person, you congratulated your friends and realised you were just a bit upset and it would pass. Don’t be mad at yourself. It will happen for you.
Fourthly, if YOU are genuinely concerned, (and I mean YOU, not your mum, or anyone else, beacsue their opinions don’t matter in this case) then maybe you thought something would be in motion by now, however it isn’t, TALK to your SO. He isn’t a mind reader. He won’t know that something is wrong unless you tell him. (I recently had to say this exact sentence to MY SO, that I’m not a mind reader, he needs to talk to me about things.) You’re in a loving and commited relationship, if you’ve discussed marriage saying something like, “hey hun, realistically, when do you think you’d be able to ask my dad for permission to ask my hand in marriage?” shouldn’t be seen as pressure. It should be seen as making sure that both of you are on the same page as each other and there is no miscommunication. Guys sometimes think that when girls bring something up, we’re asking them to do it then and there, make sure you’re clear to your SO that you don’t expect it to be tomorrow, but you’d just feel more at ease with knowing a little bit of information, so you can match your expectations accordingly.
I hope this helps. 🙂
Post # 4
@sunshinewish15: i have been there just a couple of months ago.. Its agonizing!!! But try to suck it up and enjoy your time with your so now.. It will happen!! Promise!!
Post # 5
@sunshinewish15: I felt like that when our friends got engaged as well. I think it’s natural to be envious (but still happy for) friend who are getting what you want. Its probably best not to pester your boyfriend about it though. In regards to your mom, stop telling her stuff about your relationship. Tell her that you’ll get engaged when you guys are ready, and leave it at that
Post # 6
@sunshinewish15: I’ve been in your shoes as well. When you are ready to get married and your SO is working on it (like asking permission, getting the ring, even more so if he is doing all of this WITHOUT telling you), it’s hard to be happy for other people. I know its hard but its so important to stay positive and upbeat about the situation. You have to trust that your SO does want to marry you, and he says he does, and you will have to tell your mother that if she loves you she will have the same faith.
If you are happy, really happy with your SO then your mother will know that you are happy going along with the timeline that he has in place. If she sees you upset and frustrated, she’s going to take your side instead of the side of the relationship, and this could make things harder when talking to your mom.
For me-it helped to stay off facebook for a while. Your close friends will pick up the phone, email or text if they need you….but seeing about everyone else’s engagements/weddings/babies only makes the ones of us who don’t have those things (and want them!) feel left out.
Good Luck, hugs, and stay strong!!! You can do it!
Post # 7
@sunshinewish15: I can totally relate! I am always a bit jealous (which is SO wrong of me) every time someone gets engaged. I have been dating my SO for 8 years and each time a couple that I know gets engaged, I wonder if it is EVER going to be my turn. Chin up, and don’t let what your mom says bother you. Everyone’s mom can be difficult from time to time!
Post # 8
Wow, three friends? Is it in the water or something. That must be a rough day for you. Just try to remember that everyone moves at their own pace. If you weren’t upset before talking to your mother, why get worked up now? I would tell her to butt out of your relationship, maybe “Don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know whne he proposes. You don’t need to ask about it.”
Post # 9
@sunshinewish15: I know exactly how you feel! I’ve been dating my SO for six years, and this past february, 5 of our friends/family members got engaged! Now we are coming up on all of their weddings in the next few months. The first one, his brother’s, is this weekend. It was especially hard because he and I have been dating significantly longer than these other people have. He tells me he wants to get engaged soon. We talk about our future a lot now. Especially since we are working on a house that we will eventually share together. I told him that I’m not moving in until we are engaged. Yesterday, my mom told me that she was “so disappointed” that he has not proposed yet. She said she hates this feeling of hoping that one day he will propose. It really got me down.
Post # 10
@krayzay87: Sorry for the delayed response but thank you for the advice! I am much calmer now and feeling okay. I have asked mum to butt out a bit and she is being a lot better. I gave it a few days and instead of me bringing it up with SO, he actually brought it up with me and said he is proposing before the 30th of October 🙂 so fingers crossed! Thank you for taking the time to comment x
@oangeo: Thank you heaps! I am trying and getting through it okay. Congratulations on your engagement 😀
@Ninteenthchance: Thank you for your advice (which I did take and things worked quite smoothly) 🙂
@veryberry13: You are most definitely right, I have been on facebook a bit less and tried not to take things so close to heart and I am feeling pretty good now. SO and I went on a special date on Monday and I made an effort not thinking about engagement and it ended up being a really beautiful night 🙂 thank you for your comment.
@SimplyEuphoric: WOW! 8 years is a great relationship time 🙂 I bet it will be your turn soon. I know some men take their time with these things. I have only been with SO about 3 years and I haven’t found waiting for the engagement to be stressful until the other night when my 3 friends who have been with their partners for a shorter length of time got engaged. But after thinking about it I felt a bit silly and am now taking it easy. I hope your time comes really soon 🙂
@AlwaysSunny: 3 in one night was a big shock yes! Thank you for your advice, I did tell my mum she would be the first to know and she has settled 🙂
@bellenola: Oh no 🙁 that really is a lot of people all at once. It is really sad that your mum made that comment, have you tried talking to SO a little more in depth about it? It’s great that there are so many waiting bees on here that know how we feel.