Post # 1
I am having a hard time figuring this out. I am having 3 girls standing up for me on my day. I am having my older married sister (i was not her MOH) and 2 other girls (also married) who i have known since elementary school (never eithers MOH). Initially i was set on naming them all Matrons of Honor. they all mean so much to me and have always been there for me, i love them all dearly. But lately I have seen a trend of naming them all Bridesmaids and not having a MOH. Our wedding and reception is going to be more casual/non traditional as we are getting married at a Barn outside as long as the weather cooperates. I do plan to have programs or at least a large sign showing who is who in the bridal party. Also each of my girls’ husbands are standing up on for my fiance and will be paired up by couple. I just dont know that my fiance would name my sister’s husband as his ‘best man’…..so complicated!!!
I have talked with all three ladies and none of them seem to be the most accepting of the idea of all being called MOH’s. I have thought about naming my sister the MOH but we are very different personalities/have very different ideas especially with regard to the wedding. Also my sister does not want to give the speech. Out of tradition and simplicity maybe i should just name her as MOH and tell her she will have to give the speech. We are all in our 30’s and have been in weddings before so im not all that concerned about the actual tasks getting done, its just the idea of 3 MOHs that seems to be in conflict! Maybe I just named all my girls “Team Bride” and delegate the individual tasks?
Any ideas or tips will be really appreciated—this is by far the hardest part of planning and i would like to have it figured out!
Post # 2
I had 3 MoHs, my 2 bffs and my sister. My bff and sister were both Maid of Honor, but my sister was away at school so she couldn’t help plan much. I still wanted her to have the title though. My other bff was a Matron of Honor. It worked out fine!
Post # 3
Your sister can be MOH at the ceremony and to support you on the day. If she really doesn’t want to give the speech, one of your BMs can.
Post # 4
erocka5: I’m having three bridesmaids and no MOH, so that’s my vote 🙂 I mean this very nicely, but if this is the hardest part about planning, you’re doing great! At the end of the day it is just semantics – it really does not matter. What I would not do is force your sister to give a speech if she is not comfortable with it. Also, if you want to pair couples together, I wouldn’t single out honor attendants since your husband probably wouldn’t choose your BIL as his.
Post # 5
erocka5: I have been to two weddings where the MOH’s haven’t given a speech. I think if you name your sister MOH and she truly doesn’t want to give one, it’s totally acceptable to just not have a speech. The best men in the weddings gave a speech and it was totally fine.
Post # 6
erocka5: I was originally having 1 MOH until I found out my other friend moved back home from Alaska. Now, I’m having two MOH’s. They’re both married and I wasn’t in either of their wedding (but there wasn’t really a party/destination wedding). I didn’t want to treat one differently over the other and to me, either way it’s just a word. I only want them to slap on a dress, get prettied up and have a good time at the wedding. I’m not expecting speeches, bachelorettes or whatever else these titles usually entail.
Post # 7
weatherbug: + 1
OP, the best man speech is commonly the only one given. It’s certainly meant to cover both of you. Either leave it at that or have one of your friends give the speech.
I don’t at all understand the notion that your attendants have to be paired by real life relationships, for example, H would have to choose your sister’s H as his best man. That is insane. FI should choose his best man according to the closeness of their relationship. Walking down the aisle together is not a romantic commitment.
Post # 8
I had all bridesmaids as well with no MOH. it worked well, I thought. Everyone pitche’d in when came time to organize my bachelorette.
Post # 9
erocka5: I vote that you make them all bridesmaids. It shouldn’t be too hard for them to collaborate and plan together. Plus if you were not MOH in any of their weddings than I would just keep everyone as a bridesmaid.
Post # 10
We had a small wedding party (2 on each side).
I easily could have had a Maid of Honor (sister), and a Marton of Honor (SIL)… but went with my sister being the Maid of Honor, and asked my SIL to be a Bridesmaid.
However, DH had his brother (BM) and BIL (GM)… although he is much closer to his BIL than brother… he considered them both Best Men, but still had it placed as BM and GM on the program since he felt it appropriate to have his brother as BM so some people (family) wouldn’t get upset with the title.
Post # 11
The MOH idea is designating one or two special people as the extra special to you bridesmaids. It defeats the purpose to call them all matrons of honor. I would just tell them that they are all so special to you in different ways that you aren’t selecting a MOH. What sort of tasks were you thinking of assigning? Giving speeches and throwing parties is voluntary not the MOH or anyone else’s job. It probably is smart to let them know that you aren’t designating a MOH though so they won’t all think that someone else is planning those things and will be more apt to step up and plan a bridal shower or bachelorette if you want one.
Post # 12
erocka5: I think you should just make them all bridesmaids and refer to them as Team Bride! I think this makes things a little less complicated. Also, the fact that they already sort of said they don’t want to be matrons of honor makes me feel like that giving them that title may complicate things.
My MOH is going to have 2 Maids of Honor at her wedding – me and her sister. Her sister lives on the other side of the country though. I was honored to be chosen!
Post # 13
erocka5: Typically, the person named as your MOH is the person who witnesses your marriage and signs the marriage certificate so you do need to name someone as your MOH for that purpose but in terms of the other duties such as the speech and holding the train of your dress, etc., you and the girls can decide how to divy up these tasks to make it more equal rather than only have one person do them and excluding the other girls in these special moments.
Personally, my sister will be my MOH just so the other girls in my wedding party cannot be upset that I chose one friend over another. Less of a headache IMO.
Post # 14
You don’t “delegate” tasks. Your attendants offer to do things for you. They’re not your employees. Ask who’s willing to do what. If your sister is your MOH, she doesn’t have to give a speech. Perhaps one of your friends would be happy to do so for her. Or don’t have anyone do a speech at all! You said yourself it’s going to be a casual/nontraditional affair. Play by your own rules.
Post # 15
I was in the same boat. I asked my sister to be my MOH and my two best friends to be bridesmaids. You’re the bride. You make the rules. I just chose my sister because she’s my sister, which to me is a step above friends who came a few years later.