Post # 1
Hi all! Just looking for opinions…
So, my Fi and I are secular and are having a non-religious ceremony at our reception venue. We have always wanted a friend or family member to marry. My Fi was very jumpy at asking our mutual friend to marry us as soon as we got engaged. However, our relationship with this guy, while still friendly, has changed from seeing him once a week to haven’t seen him since his own wedding four months ago. His wife also has major problems with my Fi. Because of this, we are not sure if we can 100% depend on this friend to marry us. We also want someone who we know we will have a relationship with down the road.
We didn’t want to uninvite him to do the ceremony. So, we instead thought of asking my godmother and one of Fi’s cousins to be co-officiants with that friend. This way, we are not dependent upon just one person and we would still be married by three awesome people.
We would write the ceremony ourselves, and we would give the officiants scripts to read off of in a nice binder. All three would stand or sit with us at the alter. They would rotate on which part is assigned to them. This is what it would look like:
D would greet the congregation and make an opening statement.
B would read the first reading and a blessing.
D would oversee the ring warming
E would do the second reading.
D would introduce our vows. We are writing our own.
E and B would talk about the handfasting and introduce our moms and dads to tie us.
B and D would read our exchange of rings.
D, B, and E would pronounce us husband and wife.
So, would this be a logistical nightmare, or do you think this could work? Anyone see a multi-officiant work at a non-religious wedding? Any suggestions?
Post # 3
Aww man, can I get a bump?
Post # 4
i saw something like this on big bang theory. It looked kinda cool. Legally one officiant will sign the marriage certificate. So you only need one licenced officiant, everyone else there is just filling in.
Post # 5
I feel like it could work if there was a “good reason” for it (like religious reasons). But in your case it just seems awkward. As a guest, it would seem really strange that you had so many people up there. Switching off would also interrupt the flow and continuity of the ceremony.
Can you just pick one person who is super close to both of you and ask them to do it? If you explained the situation to your original friend (that someone very close offered to do the ceremony), he’d probably understand.
Post # 6
To me, it sounds like a logistical nightmare. I’d opt for having one, solitary, professional officiant, and finding another role for these honored folks to play. As a guest, I might find it a little over-the-top or overly complicated which, no matter how well-intentioned, often brings up images of Bridezilla rather than a couple who simply has a lot of special people in their lives.
I am a big fan of the K.I.S.S. method of planning: Keep It Simple, Sweetheart!
FWIW my professional, non-denominational, non-religious officiant has been the biggest “bang for the buck” amongst all the wedding expenses. She has been absolutely stellar at walking us through how to put together the ceremony we want, describing our options, giving us templates, and helping us do online research; she also has been a gem in helping us figure out how exactly to get and file our license (our city government website is pretty to look at but horrible in terms of actually telling us what to do). I would not trade her oversight for the world— what she is doing is far more than just officiating, and her experience has been a huge resource for us. If you select a professional officiant, their experience will help make sure you end up with a really great ceremony that is a true reflection of you and your fi and your relationship. You can have just about anyone ordained and legally able to perform marriages but you can’t have just about anyone provide this kind of advice.
Post # 7
I get having more than one person doing the ceremony if like, one is a priest and one was a rabbi or, one was religious and the other secular but three secular people doing one ceremony just seems awkward and a nightmare waiting to happen.
Post # 8
Y’all be awesome with your help! I am mixed on opinions. I’ve seen it does with multiple people, but I dont want it to be “too much,” I suppose!
Post # 9
We are having two officiants. Both of our fathers. His will do the opening speech. My father was the one who got ordained through the universal life church so he gets the official stuff. Just one then the other. No switching off or anything complicated. If you choose to have all three i would just start with one a middle and an ending person. Back and forth seems complicated.