(Closed) "….3 years and his not even thinking about proposing!"

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So sorry, it sucks when you think/want it to happen sooner and then hear things like that. I know you have spoke to BF about marriage, but does he know your feeling this way? X

Post # 4
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

My FI and I were not ready to get engaged until we were together almost 5 years. I am in my ealry 30s as well (on the bee, that’s “late,” that’s why I mention it. I don’t agree that it’s late.) We are very deeply in love, and have been for years.

It’s not necessarily a bad sign that it takes longer than your friends.

Several relationships that started after ours proceeded to marriage before us. We were the first of our core group to seriously pair off, they were annoyed at us for doing so… now most of the core group are married and one has a child…

I can’t really speak for my friends, I don’t know ALL the details… I can say that I suspect (in some cases strongly suspect) that their relationships overall aren’t as strong as ours. In some cases this is probably because thet just haven’t had enough time to really learn how to make each other happy as life changes in so many ways… in other cases, perhaps they should have chosen a different partner. It’s their business and I don’t comment but I have no reason to envy them. We made the decision that works best for us. Maybe your BF just thinks similar to me and my FI. It’s a sign of responsibility, not lack of love, if so. You know him best. Does be deeply love you? Then you have nothing to fear.

Post # 5
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@joya_aspera:  +1. I’ve been with SO 7 1/2 years and though I’m antsy to get engaged, having dated for such a long time really helped us develop a sound foundation for our relationship and future marraige.

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this frustration. It is difficult to wait – I’m still waiting, even though I know it’s coming very soon. The extra time is worth it though, in the long run. =] Sounds like he just wants to surprise you and make it special to me.

Post # 6
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@LilMonkey:  That sucks! I’ve been with SO for almost 6 years and now i finally think it’s coming. SO was similar to yours. He was anti timeline, but just the other day, he gave me a 1.5 year timeline. He said it could happen anytime withint 1.5 years, but didn’t want to narrow it down too much or I’d figure it out. – This came from a guy who would talk endless amounts about getting married but NEVER EVER gave a timeline. So, you never know. Maybe if you have the right conversation, it’ll come out.

Post # 7
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Maybe He Is Really Trying To Throw You Off Track

You Never Know 😉

Post # 8
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@LilMonkey:  6.5 years here and it was only after our 6th anniversary that he really started making the right noises towards getting engaged. We are the last of my friends but dating the longest. Some guys just take their sweet time about it… Frustrating for us but try not to compare your relationship with others. I totally feel your pain though!!!

Post # 11
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@LilMonkey:  SO has said something similar before. He’s said “what if I get fired? what if I have to pay X amount for this or that?” I do understand that concern, but I told him that if something big happens like losing his job or something, I wouldn’t expect him to propose in that case- we could discuss that if it happens. But you could ask him “if all goes as planned, when do you see us getting engaged?” Make it a broad timeline like mine (1.5 years) that gives a lot of wiggle room for him. My SO would never give a 3 month timeline like I’ve seen some girls get on the board

Also how old are you? How long has he been working in his career? Many men want to atleast be somewhat established in their careers before an engagement

Post # 13
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Hmm at 30, he should at least be starting to think about things more seriously. Maybe it’d just be a good idea to express what your interests are. Maybe tell him “I know that you don’t have a specific timeline, or aren’t telling me, but I’d really like to get engaged in X years.” Let him think on that. If he gets frustrated by it or upset, tell him you’re not trying to pressure him, but you want to tell him what you want out of the relationship. I know my SO has taken into account my feelings towards getting engaged. He actually told me that he’s been thinking about it more recently when he realised how important it was to me. If I never would have spoken up he’d probably wait another few years!  Some men just…take their sweet time.

Yes, I’m soooooooooooo happy that I feel like I finally have an end point to look at. It took almost 1 year of serious chats about engagements to get this timeline! I know it may still be awhile away, but I’m sure it’ll go by fast.

Post # 14
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’ve been with my SO for almost 10 years now and I am JUST NOW getting some sort of a timeline from him.  I understand….its frustrating!!

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