(Closed) 30 Some Brides and Waiting Bees…do you want kids?

posted 6 years ago in 30 Something
  • poll: Do you want kids?
    Yes! And I'm not worried : (30 votes)
    14 %
    Yes, and I do worry about my age : (95 votes)
    44 %
    Whatever happens, happens : (20 votes)
    9 %
    Don't want kids : (39 votes)
    18 %
    I wanted kids, but am not able : (3 votes)
    1 %
    I still don't know what I want : (27 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    2908 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @hassle_J:  I think as long as you’re well-informed about the statistics regarding pregnancy after 35 and you won’t be devastated if it turns out that you’re unable to have a biological child, it’s fine to wait until you’re ready. 

    I’m 31 and engaged; I’ll be 32 at our wedding and then Fiance and I have decided we’d like to wait a year before TTC, so I’ll be 33 when we first start trying. I think Fiance would rather wait three or four years after we get married to settle in to married life and get our finances in better shape, but we’ve both decided that it’s better to get started sooner rather than later. (Especially so that we could theoretically have a second kid before I hit 37.) But we’re making that decision because having a biological child (or two) is very important to both of us. If we were a little more “eh” about it, or more open to the possibility of adopting a child, I think we’d probably end up waiting a few more years after marriage. 

    That said, I do have some friends who’ve conceived after 35. One of my friends had twins at 41! It’s certainly not impossible, so as long as you’re willing to accept the fact that it might be more difficult or riskier, you should be totally fine. 

    Post # 4
    6124 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I am 35, going to be 36 when I’m married.  Fiance and I do not want children.  I never did want to be a mom. 

    Of course never say never, someone could change their mind, and we’ve talked about that. 

    I do have many friends over 35 who did have a child.  They weighed the risks and did tests while the baby was in the womb to be alerted of any issues.  In fact it seems all the people my age are just having babies now.


    Post # 5
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    I have a teenager from a previous relationship and have no desire to have another child. Mr. LK loves DS like his own and is quite happy with not having more kids. So yeah, no more pregnancies for this chick!

    FWIW, my brother and SIL became parents for the first time at age 36. In my office it’s fairly common for women to postpone motherhood until their mid to late 30s.

    Post # 6
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I am almost 30 and about to get engaged.  We are planning for summer/fall 2013, and I’ll be 31 by then.  It definitely makes me nervous, and makes me think that maybe we’ll try to have kids right after the wedding (or soon thereafter) rather than waiting a couple more years.


    We’ll see..

    Post # 7
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m 35, he’s 33. We’re not worried. Will probably start trying fairly soon after the wedding.

    Post # 8
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I was 34 when Darling Husband and I got married (I met him when I was 33), and we’ve been trying ever since.  I think though after having frequented the TTC forums on many sites for a couple years now, that there are quite a few other ladies the age you are talking about and older that have successfully had kids with or without issues before-hand.  

    My husband and I have been working our way through PCOS, thyroid issues, and a miscarriage, but I’m pretty hopeful that we’ll be joining that number of ladies pretty soon.  🙂  

    FYI, we decided to start trying just a couple of months after the wedding because of my age.  

    Post # 9
    5242 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I will be 30 when we get married (almost 31) and he will be 29 (almost 30) It does sort of freak me out about my biological clock ticking but then I look at other couples we know and they are having babie at 32 and 33 so I feel ok about it. I dont want to get married then have a baby right away since I want some “us” time after the wedding

    Post # 10
    1239 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @hassle_J:  Im similar to you, I will be 36 yrs old in a few months, and i also have endometriosis,  by the time we get married I will be nearly 37 which is when I think we may start trying. I think you shouldnt listen to people telling you to hurry, it should be your choice.  A lot of women have children at 40 years old.

    Post # 11
    879 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I am 30 and getting married this year.  But I already have 2 kids.  We have dicussed maybe having a third next year, nothing set in concrete though.  I’m not overly worried either way,

    Post # 12
    886 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    There are plenty people who are infertile in their 20s, and people who have kids in their 40s. No guarantees either way. I was over 30 when I married. I’m taking my sweet old time enjoying married life now. I want the house, I want a savings, and I want to be 110% psychologically ready for a kid. I won’t be heartbroken if I can’t have my own, as I’d also possibly consider adoption someday. I feel that whatever happens, we’ll make the best of it. Heck, even my OB/gyn had kids in her mid-30s and she had no problems. But again, if it doesn’t happen for us, well, so be it. There are definitely pluses and minuses to having children, so both hubby and I could take it or leave it.

    Post # 13
    607 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think it’s more important to be ready for a kid than to start trying because you are worried about your biological clock. It sounds like you are aware of the risks but are choosing to wait a little bit for the sake of your relationship, which sounds smart to me. I keep reading these statistics that women don’t know how much your fertility decreases in your mid 30s, and all I can think is, who doesn’t know that? But if other things aren’t ready (like, say, you haven’t met your husband yet!?) what can you do? 

    I’m 31 and we plan to start trying pretty soon, because we do want 2 kids, preferably not too close in age. My SIL was 36 when she got married and they started right away, worried it would take a long time. 9 months after the wedding they had their son!

    Post # 14
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We’re both 30 and no kids for us, ever.  Our 2 dogs are enough responsibility… we’d be traveling a lot more if it weren’t for them!!  lol

    Post # 15
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    @hassle_J:  I could have written your post! Met Darling Husband at 34, engaged at 35, married at 36. If I get pregnant right now, baby at 37. We’re in our second month of trying (we gave ourselves a few months after our November wedding) and I just want to be pregnant so I don’t have to worry about whether my non-pregnanciness is a natural phenomenon (as in most couples take a few months) or my age. I wish there were a magic test that would definitively tell me that I’m going to get pregnant or I’m not. If not, I could start planning that month in Europe….

    Post # 16
    1390 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m 29 so I have a few years of cushion but it’s definitely something we think about. Fiance won’t finish school until at least a year after the wedding, possibly longer. There is absolutely no way we could start having kids before he’s done and we’re able to buy a bigger home. Ours now literally does not have any extra space for a child. I’ll be at least 31 before we can consider TTC and really it’s more likely to be around 32, if everything goes according to plan that is. I think my biggest concern is that after 35 most doctors automatically consider you high-risk and you lose a lot of the options you might have otherwise had. This is the biggest thing for me that I want to avoid and I’m not sure if we’ll be done having our kids before I hit that 35 mark. If you do have kids and you want to have some control over your care I’d suggest looking into birthing centers and midwife care. Otherwise you’ll likely be placed into high-risk care even if you don’t actually have a high-risk pregnancy.

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