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Do you feel different planning a wedding in your 30s as opposed to planning one in your 20s? Even if this is your first wedding, what do you think you're doing that you didn't consider in your 20s? Also, are you paying for your own wedding or your parents?
great question!!! i'm closer to 30 than 29 now (by 2 days lol!!)
We are paying for everything ourselves. I actually am not into what other people think my wedding should be. I am doing a wedding that is completely totally us. I am also not into being a princess on my wedding day. I sort of wanted that in my 20s, now I am all about cool sophistication.
I also think I am a bit more understanding (although still anal and crazy). The day is more about our family becoming more than my vision and my day. I want our family to be represented, not just me.
I wouldn't have had the money upfront to pay for the wedding in my 20's. In my 20's, it probably would have been more people, more party. Now I want a smaller, more intimate wedding. Fewer people in our wedding party, and definitely different things to register for....how things change when you own a house and already had to furnish it, and I feel too guilty asking for upgrades!
I am 30 and YES YES YES the wedding my FI and I are planning is extremely different that something I would have planned had I gotten married in my 20's. The only thing that would be the same is the fact that I have always wanted a smaller quest list. We are having 100-120. We are marrying on Halloween and having fun with it. In my 20's I know I would have opted for a more traditional wedding on a non holiday date 
i concur with ikphmd. I would've had it at a posh hotel for major after parties. I would've had to get a 2nd job and charge everything. Now its going to be something small and intimate (max 25 people). And I have the money to pay upfront myself.
Before I probably would've been looking at other weddings, stealing ideas and comparing what i was doing to try to "keep up with the Jones". Now I could careless and just want the people that I care about the most there. Then have a summer bbq to party it up.
But this is just me :)
My parents paid for a party for 120 people after I eloped at 21. Now I am 32 and having for a wedding for 50 people, FI and I are paying for it by ourselves. The first one was more traditional. This one is what is more reflective of me.
Definitely different. I've been engaged (a few times) before and freak out with wedding planning. But I love to plan parties so our wedding, although somewhat traditional, is going to be a family party.
Yep def different this go around. When I was 23 planning my first wedding my parents were paying for it all. They also helped me with everything... picking the venue/photogo/cakes/dress/etc. I also was doing a very traditional wedding and had all my cousins as bridesmaids because that's what my parents thought was the proper thing to do.
This go around we are paying for 1/3 of the wedding, his parents 1/3 and mine 1/3. I've been so laid back about getting things done. I am having fun doing the research with just me and my FI and letting the parents know that things are taken care of. We are having a very non-traditional wedding in an airplane hangar and couldn't be more excited!
The other thing I've noticed is that we (my FI and I) are having to combine households/cars/bank accounts etc. My FI and I are having to sit down and have serious convos about how to combine our items/accounts in the best way to help save money and make things easy on us. I didn't have that the first go around. I was moving into his home and buying a car once we got married. My ex-FI and I never had conversations about how to handle bank accounts, etc. because I was fresh out of college and just going from my parents accounts to his. I didn't have my own accounts established. Big difference!
it seems that the majority of us will have smaller weddings. I don't want more than 75 people at mine (and i'm praying for 60 tops)...
I always knew I wanted a small intimate wedding but now at age 31 and looking at what I could buy instead of having a wedding, I nixed a more traditional wedding for an elopement with just the parents and siblings being there. For me I've gotten older and I know who I am and having a traditional wedding just isn't me (or him for that matter) and I think when I was in my 20's I would have been pressured into having the party even if it was on the small side. I just want to be married to my sweetie and all the rest is kind of meh.
Love this post! I'll be 30 when I get married in August, and my FI is 40. We're having to talk pre-nup...yuck! But it's all different when you have assets and business and stuff (well I don't have any of that stuff, but he does : ).
We are also going smaller...85. I've never been a big fan of spending lavishly, but I find myself trying definitely to keep costs down so that we can add a closet to our bedroom and repaint our house. Super romantic, princessy stuff like that! ; )
I'm excited to have waited this long though...the wedding will definitely reflect both of us, not just me, and will be an intimate celebration we will all remember.
Both of us will be 35 when we marry - I don't think I'd plan differently from a whose paying perspective (I would have paid in my 20's too), but I think I'm treating my wedding party differently. I would have had a big, blow-out wedding party - kind of a 'whose-who' of friendship. But, now - FI and I decided we don't want a formal wedding party at all. Our very closest friends are 100% supportive and I've asked them to be my 'unofficial' wedding party - which was endearing.
I was never engaged or married before, but I do think my vision for my wedding changed a little as I got older. I think I definitely wanted to pare things down a little bit and cut the guest list from what I might have wanted in my 20's. Also, we paid for everything ourselves, so I think that impacted that decision as well. We had a total of 86 people and it was kind of awesome to be able to talk to everyone and see everyone AND have fun dancing and hanging out.
I am 34, my groom to be hasn't hit 30 just yet. I would say that had I married in my 20s, my parents would have contributed alot more! That said, its nice to have complete control over my wedding even with the extra added $$$ responsibility. Also, my vision for a "perfect wedding" is definitely much smaller, more low key than it would have been had I been in my 20s.
I am 38 and FH is 36. We are paying for our wedding, but that gives us control over what we want, so I like that! However, if I was in my 20s', I would still be paying for the wedding, too!
In my 20s' I probably would have had several bridesmaids and fretted over who would be MOH. Now I really have no desire to have a bridal party and won't have bridesmaids.
I feel I am more confident in many ways, so I doubt I will be consumed with worrying about what makes other people happy. Both FH and I really want to focus on the union of our lives and not so much family drama (which I am sure will come up at some point!).
I don't have a dress yet, but I know that I am looking for something sophisticated, elegant with a dash of sexy. Never had the desire to be a "princess" in my 20s' and certainly don't have the desire at 38!
In my 20s I never wanted to get married, so if it had happened, I probably would have just eloped or something. But as I got older, I realized it was important to have family/close friends there to celebrate with us. Still kept it small - 30 people - and paid for it ourselves. I think in your 30s you just have a much better idea who you are and what you want, so you're able to just focus on those things and are less influenced by outside interference (if there is any - we didn't really have that issue). Also, I don't know about other 30s, but I feel like there's a lot less drama surrounding the whole wedding, whether it has to do with etiquette/bridal party/family, etc.
I think our wedding would have been more traditional if we had gotten married in our 20s. And, I wouldn't have found A Practical Bride, Weddingbee, and the other awesome blogs that helped me plan!
My first wedding was in my early 20's. I'm 31 and though not engaged (yet -- hopefully!!!) I think my second wedding will be vastly different from the first. My first was forced (in a way) and planned in 6 weeks. Everything was paid for by my parents (mostly my dad). It was mostly family and not as many friends as I would have liked. It was an effort to "do the right thing."
This time around, I really would like something that is just about the commitment of love, very personal and very us. I'd be fine doing it in my grandmother's backyard, and having bbq, good cocktails and dancing. lol... I don't want anyone who isn't close to use there just for the sake of courtesy, and I really just want it to be special, I guess. But, I'd be fine with just me and him running away somewhere too... I just want him, I guess.
I just turned 32 & FI is 29. I didn't think I'd ever get married either. I always thought I'd be in one of those relationships where we've been together for 20 years, have kids but never really made it legal. Also, I know my parents would have contributed more if I'd married when I was younger -- then again they would've had more of a say over how things are done, so I'm glad I waited.
In my 20's I was more interested in my career and planning the life I thought I'd have and probably would have planned a small, "get 'er done" kind of wedding... Now, in my 30's, I've found the love of my life, realized what really matters to me, and learned how important family and friends really are. We're planning a large (150-175) guest wedding, at "the club" (which just tickles the family). Itreflects not only me but my fiance, our families and our friends...
In my 20's I thought spending a fortune on a wedding was crazy; now I think that (while staying within a budget we can afford) it's appropriate to spend money on things that are important - what could be more important than joining our families and starting a new life together.
Definitely a change - and not the one I would have expected!
FI and both turn 31 this year (him in a few days!) and we're paying for the wedding ourselves. Of course, it IS the second wedding for both of it, so that factors in (although neither of our parents helped out with our first weddings). I don't know why it feels different this time, but it does. Maybe it is because I'm older and "wiser" (than I used to be for sure!). This time I'm much more focused on the smaller details and making it a very lavish, yet intimate affiar.
Great question. We are both encore and we are paying......although my mother really wants to help. I was married in my 20's and honestly, it was my mother's wedding. This time it will be very reflective of who we are as individuals, what makes us us, and it will be much more intimate.
I'm 37 and FI is 42. First wedding for both. What my vision was in my 20's is definitely different. A huge example is my bridesmaids. In my 20's I could've listed about 8 women that I would want...and now I have 3 and I like it that way.
We're having around 125 people but I think if I were younger it would've been more. My parents are helping us with the cost of the wedding, well, because I'm their only daughter.
I'm kind of glad I'm a bit of an 'older' bride. I pretty much know what I want.
I'm 31, will almost be 32 when we marry. First wedding for us both.
I was not one of those little girls that dreamed of her wedding day so I am starting from scratch now. I'm glad we're older and appreciate each other after all those exes!
We're sharing financial stuff with both sets of parents but we plan on paying as much of it as possible.
I love being 36 and getting married! We are paying for it ourselves. We know our "style". Our friends have shared so much of our lives already. We don't take it too seriously and aren't freaked out over every detail. We are having a "Rustic Elegant" wedding on a ski mountain in a beautiful clubhouse. Its more fun thinking of those touches that really personalize our lives and how much fun we'll have!
Our wedding will be a catholic ceremony in the chapel on the mountain then the club reception will be autumn elegant- but the huge deck will be pure Vermont! We're going to do cider and pumpkins etc etc... Its fun to have the money to do what we want, invite who we want and our family is wonderful and totally supportive.
At 34 I have been to many weddings and I wanted mine to be very unique and not like all the rest I had attended. My bridesmaids in my wedding are friendss I will always stay in touch with as compared to friends I would have chosen in my 20's I have mostly lost touch with.
Being an "older bride" amongst my friends and family, I definitely think I'm outside the norm. I'm getting married where I currently live rather than my hometown (which is a point of contention with my mother and some relatives) and not so interested in the wedding planning than in planning for a marriage. I'm much more interested in planning a life with my fiance than picking out wedding things. And I just want to have fun and it to be a huge party at the reception! I'm doing some non-traditional things even though I'd consider myself fairly conservative and traditional. I've also been a bridesmaid over 9 times so I know what it's like when your friends only talk weddings and treat you like a slave--and when they are just so grateful for your love and support and are not a "wedding robot".
My parents are paying for parts of our wedding--my dress, veil, alterations; our reception; catering; bar; cake. My fiance and I are paying for the band, photographer, transportation, videographer.
We're very fortunate in that culturally, my family takes it very seriously to help pay for the weddings of the daughters. It was an exhausting situation early on because as an early 30's bride I didn't want my parents taking on so much, but my father insisted and is sooo excited.
We're also lucky in that my parents are allowing my FI and I to make our own decisions as far as what we want. The guestlist is a bit big, but that's what happens when you have a big family and partly because my parents are paying. I just tell myself that at the end of the day, I'm blessed and fortunate to be able to catch up with so many relatives on my special day, especially since we are from a foreign country and scattered across the world.
I'm 37 and my fiance is 34. My parents are giving us a good amount of money because, like someone else said earlier, I'm the only daughter in the family and they've been keeping money for this purpose.
Besides the fact that I just couldn't imagine myself mature enough to get married in my 20s, I feel much more "myself" in my 30s and much less concerned about what people are going to expect. I feel more free to make choices that will make our wedding truly "ours" and not what convention dictates.
I feel the same way as Miss Politico: I'm interested in planning for the marriage more than the wedding. I've often found myself saying that I want the focus of my energies to be on the marriage, not on the day of the wedding. What I want to reserve that day for is a Very Good Time.
I'm 29, but my vision now is absolutely different than when I was younger. We're paying for the whole Korean wedding, and a small part of the Canadian wedding. My mum really wanted to give us the majority of the money for that one. In general, it's a much more toned down wedding than I ever expected. Less party - more social event with a heavy emphasis on family. I will also be looking faaaar less like a princess than I once imagined in my younger days.
I'm not 30 or engaged yet, but I'm 29 and feel like I relate more to this board than the 20s.LOL Hope I can stay!
I don't think my wedding will be any different ,except I wouldn't have the money in my early 20s. I never wanted to be a princess and if anyone asked me about a tiara, I would have looked at them like they are crazy. Right now, I just want something small and intimate. I'm just inviting family and my 5 close friends and their husbands/significan others. I don't want a show for other people.
I just want it to be a reflection of us. Not what people THINK a wedding should be.
I'm 35 and my fiance is 34. Its my first wedding. I think that in my 20's, I wouldn't have known what to do for planning. I don't know that the wedding would be that different, except maybe the location because I've moved around a bit, but, I think the planning would have overwhelmed me. But, now, I'm just enjoying it and getting everything done without fuss. I"m better at making decisions.
I'm 33 and this is my first engagement and wedding. My fiance is 38. Like most girls, I used to dream of the perfect fairytale wedding, but I guess experience (and wisdom, I hope!) has made me realize that I need to focus my energy on preparing for the MARRIAGE, not the WEDDING. That said, I have to admit that I've been having tons of fun doing the cliched wedding stuff like looking at dresses and picking out flowers. :-)
I'm 31 now, FI 29, we'll be 31 and 33 when we marry. My first wedding (I was 19)was a shotgun, baby on the way, get it done in 10 days cause our family friend priest was going back home to Spain for a month and by then it'll be too late cause i'll be showing type of wedding. Soooo it was very small, maybe 50 people, mom made food and cake, and we did reception, no music, no party, in the basement of the church. this time around, it's my FI's 1st time and i'm doing the big party for him since he wants it that way. He was known by his family as the eternal bachelor, and his family was floored and ecstatic to say the least when we moved in together and he'd tell them about his playing house and his "kids" (my kids from previous marriage).
Back then I didn't have time to plan out a wedding, or the means. My parents did it all. This time we're paying for it, and since I didn't have a huge one and he's never had one at all, we're going all out!!! Wedding on the beach, huge bridal party, 200 guests, all on xmas eve 2011!!! I'm glad i'm in my 30's though because it's not all about me being bridezilla and it all being about me, me me!!! but it's more of our families will meet for the first time, and let's have a kick ass christmas party, puerto rican style!!!
Like @tvilase, in my 20s I never wanted to get married...now, "older & wiser" or maybe more spiritually grounded, I value the unitive aspect of marriage & WANT to be married. Additionally, like PPs, a smaller, more personal wedding is our goal. We're keeping the numbers down as well, hoping for 70, concentrating on quality rather than quantity (since our self-funded budget allows for only one).
Definitely feel more confident in putting my foot down on my high priority aspects & compromising or eliminating low priority ones.
IN my 20s I think I would have had a guest list as long as the day but we're trying to keep ours down to 75 or so people and are hoping that about 50 attend. I'm 30 and my FI will be 28 when we marry (his bday just around the corner). When I was younger I think I was less choosy with whom I made friends and that would have contributed to the long guest list. Also, I think my mother and step-father would have thought it was their chance to showcase their work (they're both in catering and event design/coordinating) to their friends and colleagues. I think I would have had it at a bigger venue and one that was more formal and had less personal meaning. We're having our wedding on my grandparents' farm in Eastern Kentucky and the reception in the cabin my grandfather built.
Although my mother is paying for our wedding and reception (FI and family are in charge of the rehearsal dinner), I feel more in control of the wedding than I know I would have when I was in my early to mid 20s. I am choosing what I want food-wise and flower-wise. I want the day to be a relaxed event, not a big to-do. I'm thinking of having a short dress instead of long but I have yet to go dress shopping so that might change when I do.
All in all, I thinl age has tamed me a bit and has made me realize that weddings are now to me about gathering the people you love around you and sharing in your momentous occassion, not an occassion for me to feel pressure and need everything to go perfectly.
coming back to change my initial response, my mom and stepdad are paying for a bit over 1/2 of our wedding!! YAY!!
I'll be 30 when we marry in a few months, and he'll be 27 (but more mature than I am!) and one thing I've noticed that's different from some 20s brides and how I'd have been 10 years ago is that I'm not getting caught up in other people's drama-lama. I have higher expectations for myself and for others. For instance, if my sister chooses a bm dress that I don't like, I'll ask her if she has any others to choose from, expect her to be reasonable about it, and if she sticks with the yicky one I'll suck it up and be glad she's there for me and figure I won't notice on the day of anyway. I think part of the key is having been to a few weddings myself and realizing how little I (as a guest) really cared about most things. I'm glad to have weddingbee boards to get excited on since I feel there's only so much wedding talk I should expect others to have to listen to!
I think it definitely feels different as a 30-something bride. We are paying for our wedding ourselves for the most part (our families are contributing just a little bit). And we're making most of the decisions ourselves.
My mom was telling me that one of her coworkers was gushing and saying "Oh, you're going to have so much fun planning your daughter's wedding!" My mom just snorted and said, "My daughter is almost 35, she doesn't need me to plan her wedding. I'm just here to help if she needs it."
I'm proud to be a 30-something bride, though!
When I was in my 20's the idea of getting/ being married seemed quite distant. I was nowhere near mature enough for marriage, but I think if I had planned a wedding back then, it would've been in my hometown with all of my extended family present. I'm 33, FI is 36, and we've planned a small destination wedding in Mexico. We're expecting 25-30 guests and to me the entire thing seems perfect for us!
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