Post # 1
I’m fairly new here and just wanted to see what your thoughts are on older brides and having babies. As in, how soon would you want to start trying? I am worried that I won’t be able to have my 3 kids that I want, but also would be afraid to have a honeymoon baby. Is infertility really that bad at say, 33, or am I just being a fatalist and paranoid?
Post # 3
@julieallen: We could show you statistics, but there’s no way to know where you and your DH will fall on the curve. If you’re really concerned about it now, is it possible for you and your DH to get tested for fertility? Maybe a specialist could tell you what you specifically should or shouldn’t be concerned about. Anything we tell you will be a generalization based on statistics or anecdotal evidence.
Post # 4
There are quite a few women on here who have had babies recently that are older than you are! My parents had me in their early 30s and yes it took a bit longer than someone in their 20s but not horribly long.
Post # 5
If you’re healthy and have had no previous problems, you should be fine but of course there is no guarentee for any woman regardless of age!
You have to decide what your personal priorities are – whether you want to wait until after your wedding or try now.
Post # 6
My best friend is 41 and 12 weeks pregnant, so I’m not the least bit worried.
We’ll take about a year and let the cards fall where they may.
Post # 7
I’ll be almost 34 when I get married in a few months. And yes, infertility is something FI and I have discussed. We’ve talked about the what if’s and we decided we will cross that bridge when we come to it. We’re also big believers in “things happen for a reason” so if we can’t have kids or it takes a while, there is an ultimate reason for that, even if we don’t know what it is (not to get too deep on you!)
I say don’t worry about it until you start trying. Stress can do horrible things to your body and worrying about it isn’t going to make it any easier.
Good luck, enjoy being engaged and enjoy your wedding. While it’s totally a valid concern you’ve got enough to be occupied with right now!
Post # 8
I will be almost 38 when I get married and we are starting to try for kids right away, mostly because I don’t feel I have the luxury of waiting much longer. I know women can, and do, have children into their early 40’s, but I don’t want to push my luck so to speak. My doctor said 35 is the magic number where difficulty starts to increase, but he also said not to worry about it as long as my periods are regular. He also told me to not stress and to go see him about 6 months after we start trying to check in.
I would suggest seeing your doctor, or an OBGYN if you don’t have one, to put your nerves to rest. Stress and anxiety over it will only make it a more difficult process.
Post # 9
@julieallen: I am the same age as you…..I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that what you hear is our clocks ticking…well they stopped ticking a while back and are now sounding an alarm.
I have the same exact concerns you do and I have even thought about trying before the wedding just to get a head start.
But I’ve done a lot of soul searching and researching and I have come to this conclusion: if we “early 30’s gals” are going to have problems getting pregnant it is going to make little to no difference if we are 30, 31. 32, or 33, or 34 for that matter.
Do your best not to stress, because stress will make a difference.
sounds easier said than done. (trust me).
Post # 10
I would try not to worry about it too much until you know that there actually is a problem (and then can explore solutions).
3 weeks ago our friends had a beautiful baby boy – she is 40 and he is 45.
Every woman in my husband’s department had children post 35 – many post 40, and several in their mid/late 40’s.
30 years ago my mother had me when she was 32, and my brother at 36.
I think you should start trying when you and your husband are comfortable doing so 🙂
Post # 11
There is so much in the news and so many people tell us that we are quickly getting too old to have children. BUT people do it all the time. Yes, there are risks that increase after age 35. But I know plenty of people who have healthy children after age 35. And on the flip side, there are 20 year olds who have problems.
You say that you’d be scared to have a honeymoon baby, so I would wait a little bit. See how you feel about 6 months after the wedding, and it take it month by month from there. There’s no need to have a honeymoon baby if you want some time to yourselves after you get married. And, at the same time, just because you don’t have a honeymoon baby doesn’t mean you can’t start trying a few months AFTER the honeymoon, if you feel ready.
Best of luck!
Post # 12
You ladies are all so wonderful! I really appreciate your thoughts and think you are all wise. It’s nice to hear some normality in the midst of the things we read and hear about infertility. I love the idea of just rolling with it and seeing what life holds for us (and not getting anxiety over it!)
Post # 13
@julieallen – I just married at 39 and will be 40 next month. I spoke with my OBGyn in December about fertility. She said that there are more chances to miscarry at my age, but getting pregnant is not out of the ordinary for women my age. She did, however, encourage me to get off of BC soon, since it may take 6 months to clear. If my hubby and I decide to have a child (or two), we’ll definitely start trying within a year or so. I think you’ll be fine though!!
Post # 14
I think you will be fine. Unless you (or he) have some undiagnosed fertility issue, you still have enough time.
I have an aunt who never thought she’d meet the right guy. She finally met him at 34, married him at 35 and had three children at 37, 39, and 40. I have another relative who got pregnant at 38…while on the pill (she missed a few). If you were 42, I might worry about your chances, but at 32, you probably won’t have any problems.
Post # 15
@julieallen: I am 32 and getting married in May. We are looking to start trying a year or so after the wedding, when I am almost 34. I asked my OBGYN point blank and he said not to worry. He said that it can take longer to get pregnant in your LATE 30s, but before 35 not so much. Also, his concern would be the risks of having children after 40, where issues are much more common.
Post # 16
Aw, I feel you. I’m 33 and have the exact same concerns which is why I get a little nutty every time my FI mentions that he wants to wait until we buy a house before we even start trying (I’ve convinced him that we need to at least stop NOT trying right after the wedding, anything less than that and we’re uncomfortably tempting fate). If I had it my way, we’d be trying right now, but this is our compromise.
I look at it this way: if we’re going to have fertility problems we’re going to have fertility problems. Waiting 3 or 6 months isn’t going to make a difference. I’d rather not taint this time right before the wedding with conception stress. If there IS a problem (and I pray there isn’t) I’d rather not know during this very happy time. We’ve got years to discover we’re infertile, if that turns out to be true (knock on wood that it’s NOT.)