36 and waiting to TTC? What would you do?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Amayansong:  I really would talk to your husband about problems getting pregnant past 35. Does he realise the difficulties you may encounter. Of course, everything may be find but you won’t know until you try. 

Post # 4
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Amayansong:  I feel like waiting until 40 is a gamble. you might get pregnant easily however , we all know the facts.. The 40’s are not your most fertile years. If you feel ready now I would say go for it. Tell your hubby there is never a good time to have kids (as the saying goes) and if you wait too long you might be out of luck. 

Post # 5
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

If it was me, I’d start now. You don’t want to wait until you’re 40 to realise that you need fertility treatments. Treatments work best on younger women. Of course, you may not need treatment, but I wouldn’t wait. Also, the Down’s stats are quite scary after 40.

You would probably have to go PT, but if you kept your benefits then I don’t see why it couldn’t work. Do you have family to help with childcare?

Post # 6
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Talk to your husband about how it wouldn’t hurt for you to both go to the doctor and talk about TTC. The doctor may suggest check-ups etc for both of you given your age. 

Basically it is important to set the ground work now. Tests and possible treatments for any problems could take a long time to sort out. You don’t want to start this process when you are 100% ready to start trying, you want to start it before then so that when you ARE ready, you get just start straight away.

Plus the doctors may be able to convince your husband of how long this process may take and he could want to start sooner.

I honestly think that his reason for waiting is very lame. If all people with children lost focus on their careers then no one would ever get anywhere!

You are in the best position you will most likely ever be in to start trying. It’s never going to be 100% perfect, it never is. 


Post # 7
8847 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Amayansong:  I would go ahead and start trying.  You have a great chance of having a baby (or several), but your fertility definitely does start to decline in your mid to late 30s.  I’m 31 and we’re waiting for a couple more years to TTC, but my husband knows I really want to start trying when I hit 33 or so.

It sounds like you can make do just fine financially.  Imagine how awful it would be to wait for the “perfect time” to conceive, only to find that it’s too late!  You need to make it clear to your husband that time is ticking.  For centuries, people have made it work to be job searching and have a baby at the same time.  It’ll be fine.

Post # 8
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

If you are sure you want kids, I would absolutely start ASAP. Have your husband read up on pregnancy after 35. He has many years left while it will be prety difficult for you. My friends who are 31 and 32 right now are having issues with conceiving (though I know that is not super common to be so young with issues).

And maybe you decide you don’t want kids. It’s your choice, that’s the beautiful thing!

Post # 10
5391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Amayansong:  You will hear plenty of stories of people falling pregnant between 35-40 with no issues; hell, my mum had me at 36 and my brother at 40, and my aunt had my cousin at 40.

However, the simple fact is that fertility is constantly declining in women; past 30, it begins to decline more rapily, and past 35, it declines very rapily. Past 40, you are also more likely to have complications, and are more at risk of the foetus having Downs Syndrome, etc.

My honest advice? If you both want children, and if you are at all in a position to have them (ie married, have a home, have a stable income), which it sounds like you do, you should start TTC now, not later. It simply is not worth waiting.

I think you should sit down with your husband and explain how you feel, and ask how he would feel in the following situations:

1) You start TTC now, and fall pregnant straight away

2) You delay TTC until he’s ‘ready’, and you are unable to have a child

These are both extreme scenarios, but are a good way of judging your true feelings. If he’s prepared to risk waiting, and is OK with not being able to have a child, then you may need to question how committed he is to having a child at all. If however he would be gutted if you waited and then coulnd’t conceive, then that’s your answer.

I recently asked my friend the same question: at 27, she’s much younger, however, she has very bad PCOS. She needs to start TTC before 30, and ideally, within the next 2 years. She’s scared; it’s a big thing, she’s worried about the things she won’t be able to do, etc. I posed the above question to her, and, she has decided to start TTC within 2 years. Sometimes it takes looking at the extremes to work out how you feel.

Finally, if he won’t listen to you, I suggest you make an appointment to see a doctor to discuss conceiving, and pregnancy, after the age of 35-40; this may make him sit up and listen.

HTH and good luck with whatever you choose.

Post # 12
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@Amayansong:  I really suspect that you have made up your mind here, and most people will agree with you. However, the person you have to convince is your husband, not us! There are some good ideas on here for how to bring up the subject, from PPs.

Good luck!

Post # 15
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Amayansong:  from a practical perspective, I would do the following, just to get checked out:

1.  start charting–get to know if you’re ovulating or not with some OTC ovulation kits.

2.  if you’re not ovulating, get an ultrasound to check for PCOS.

3.  have him get a semen analysis done.

4.  have bloodwork done to check your different hormone levels–thyroid problems can affect fertility.

These 4 things are relatively inexpensive and will give you some answers about whether you’re able to have kids.  I’m 39, we’re TTC, and have been for about a year and a half.  It’s super frustrating when you feel like the clock is ticking.

Post # 16
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Amayansong:  Most Ob’s will tell you that you are ok up until late 30’s.  40’s is pushing it.  It depends on your husband.  Is it better to play the heart strings or is he info oriented?  I would start with statistics on complications, mother morbidity, and birth defects.  Also, how is he going to teach his kid to throw a ball if he can’t let go of his walker long enough?  I think it is a little selfish of your hubs to want to wait until a teaching position is secured.  After all, you are both gainfully employed with benefits.  DH and I are both 30 and the only reason we are waiting is because he isn’t finished with school.  Once he finishes, we will be on the road to parenthood (fingers crossed).  We would start now if it weren’t for that.  And I am freaking out over trying to concieve at 32 or 33!  I can’t imagine what you must feel like.  But, my best advice to you is to stay positive and remember that everything happens for a reason.  You know best how to communicate with your husband.

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