Post # 1
Ok, this is just to vent, bc if I vent in person, I will blow up. Being off all week gave my mind too much free space to think so to speak. So I finally was able to sit down and talk to some of my FI cousins etc and ask if anyone is upset the way we are doing our wedding. Background, we got enganged in March, getting married over the 4th of July weekend with a getway with immediate family only, about 15 people. We could not afford a wedding as we are building a house and well neither one of us like weddings in big fashion! Honestly if it was not for our families stepping in, we really were just ready to go to the courthouse. I am from an extremely small family, well he is far from that. So I have noticed that people are giving us the cold shoulder regarding our wedding, do not seem very happy for us and try to change the subject if I am having a conversation with someone about it. We were not purposely putting them out, but I must say, that even if everyone was invited I would know many people that do nothing but judge or will sit, eat and leave. Thats it and I just dont have time for that. So over the conversation this weekend, I was telling my friend about my nerves etc and I get slapped with oh you mean the wedding we are not invited to by someone in his family?! Seriously?! While that makes me care less, why do people have to act like that? Ugh!
Post # 3
To be honest I would stop talking about the wedding in front of people who aren’t invited. That *is* kind of rude, I mean you wouldn’t do it with any kind of other party would you? If people who aren’t invited are interested in your wedding, and don’t mind talking about it, they’ll let you know. Otherwise, I’d keep comments for people who *are* invited. It sucks that it seems they aren’t happy for you, so it’s probably best to do it this way for now. Families are so tricky sometimes!
Post # 4
I think in general people can be sensitive….. to a lot of stuff… Its almost imposible to have a wedding where no one gets mad/upset/hurt/or doesn’t like how you are doing the wedding.
You just can’t please everyone. I have not heard very many complaints about our wedding… but we did hear a few. And while we were enoyed that they couldn’t just be happy for us and accept the way we are doing things, it still sucks to hear… Just remember that its your day and you should be allowed to do it how you want too!
Post # 5
Don’t talk to people who aren’t invited. i HATE when i have girlfriends who go on and on and on about their wonderful wedding with a "oh by the way i can’t afford to have you come". Then don’t talk to me, I don’t care! But, hindsight is 20/20. And I would never be rude enough, myself, to call a bride out on this behavior.
Shrug it off, lesson learned, and talk to people about it who ARE coming, because obviously, they are thrilled.
Like my momma says, don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to I stopped asking people "do you like this? what do you think?" etc because they don’t all have the same taste as me. what i think is cool they think is dumb. So now i just consult my MOH, a BM, and my FI, and sometimes my parents for advice. That usually rounds it all out nicely.
Get excited, 38 days, woot!
Post # 6
I guess I dont look at it as like a party but a life changing event so I did not think it was rude. Also the converstation could not be helped seeing one of my family members was there that was helping me that I have not gotten to see lately because of schedules. I dont walk on egg shells around people and if the shoe was on the other foot, I would understand and be happy and supportive for that person. But thats my opionon and still venting I guess.
Post # 7
haha this is a tough one because you want to talk about it all the time… but yeah seriously it’s rude to talk about to people that aren’t invited… today i was telling one of my co-workers that is invited to my wedding about stuff and another co-worker butted into our conversation and asked about it, but i felt bad talking about it since i wasn’t going to invite that person… so i tried to change subjects right away…
but you’re really close to your wedding, don’t worry about what people say in those cases… just be happy. ^_^
Post # 8
Yeah but weddings are a little different. If conversation can’t be helped and someone makes a snide remark, you can make one back =]. Or just say, "well i’ts small, i’m sorry i wish we could invite everyone!" and let them pout. They’re upset b/c they want to come, which is a good thing I guess =]. I’d look at it that way. You’re that important! Everyone wants to see you looking beautiful!
You are much more gracious than most other people, then. And if you aren’t going to walk on eggshells, at least be aware of the courtesy usually extended to people who weren’t "important enough" (that’s how they’re reading it by the way) to render an invite, no matter how small and intimate your family wedding is.
You can always go, "oh we can talk about my wedding later!!!" and when the uninvited person walks away to go chat someone else up, you can just say, "oh i’m sorry, I didn’t want to talk about it in front of her" or something like that. I change the topic a lot because I don’t like to gush to people who aren’t coming to my wedding. I don’t think they care…..at least not NEAR as much as I do =]
Post # 9
I remember it being so hard to not talk about the wedding to people who weren’t invited. We had a very small wedding of 45. I had to make a conscious effort to only talk about it when someone asked and was obviously interested.
Post # 10
That is a good suggestion about not talking about it. (I didn’t think about that because we just invited the whole family.) Party or life changing event, it’s still a big occasion they aren’t invited to. I can understand about the family member you hadn’t seen in a while who was helping you plan. But you could still call the person or something instead, if run into a situation like this again. It’s great that you would be more supportive if you were in a situation where you weren’t invited, but we can’t expect others to feel and react the same ways we do. The most gracious thing would be to try to make adjustments to not hurt feelings in the way that’s best suited to them.
I come from a large family, If your FI’s situation is like mine, those family members are probably pretty used to being invited to all the weddings. From what I recall, none of my family bucked the system and had small wedding. Everyone was invited. I remember finding out so and so was getting married, and would ask my mom, if she thought we’d be invited. Her response was always, "I’m sure we will. That’s how they plan all the weddings." So this might be pretty new to his family.
Unfortunately, weddings are one of those rare and special occasions the whole family makes an effort to rally together. (The other is funerals, and who wants to hope for a funeral?) So when one of those opportunities don’t always manifest,it’s hard to take.
But I think that if any other problems arise, your Fi should speak up and say how he dreads weddings too. I kind of feel like you are taking the brunt of this.
Post # 11
I don’t think you should in any way feel bad for having a small wedding. It’s what I really wanted. Unfortunately, my fiance had different plans. You are totally within your rights to keep it to nuclear families and leave it at that.
But you really should refrain from talking about it in front of those who aren’t invited, ESPECIALLY because you know it is a sensitive issue for them.