Post # 1
I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding and I have 3b (biracial) curly hair, for those who are familar with curly hair types. On several occasions while discussing the wedding the Bride has brought up the fact that she wants me to have my hair straightened/flat ironed for the wedding, which is taking place in the Caribbean. Everytime she brings this up I have told her politely that I don’t think it’s a good idea beacuse my hair does NOT straighten very well in any climate and the humidity of the Caribbean will only make matters worse. I have had my hair flat ironed only a few times in my life and it has always taken 2hrs+ and has never looked “truly straight” since it is naturally so curly. I have mentioned all of the above each time the Bride brings up this topic. She has suggested that (at my own expense) at some point between now and the wedding I should get it straightened to “test it out” and then the day before the wedding I should (at my own expense) have it straightened, as the stylist won’t have enough time to do a 2+hrs straight job on my hair the day of the wedding. I am not an agrumentative person/don’t want to cause tension/conflict and I don’t mind dressing/wearing whatever makeup she wants, but I feel as though I have been dealing with my hair for my whole life and know that straightening it the day before the wedding, sleeping on it, and then expecting it to last through a full wedding day in the Caribbean will NOT work. Any advice/perspective on this situation would be appreciated 🙂
Post # 2
mrsherbert: If a bride is demanding certain hairstyles (or makeup) then she pays. I would tell her that I understand that she has a vision, but it’s simply not going to work for me.
Post # 3
tell her, if she wants your hair a certain way, she can pay for it. otherwise, you are wearing your hair how you want.
Post # 4
mrsherbert: Every girlfriend I’ve ever had that is biracial had beautiful curly hair. I say go natural. I think women are most beautiful when they are comfortable with themselves. If that is how you are comfortable, rock those curls!
Post # 5
mrsherbert: Hellz no! You should keep it curly!!
Post # 6
To me it is less about the money aspect and more about my kind of hair, and the fact that it will not straighten and stay straight in any climate, far less the humid Caribbean. I like my curly hair and feel as though she should just choose a hairstyle or updo for me that suits curly hair instead of trying to make my hair something that it is not.
Post # 7
This is wrong on so many levels! Firstly, brides really shouldn’t be dictating hair rules beyond, for example, suggesting that she’d like everyone’s hair worn up or down. To attempt to interfere with your beautiful, natural hair – and treat it in a way that could cause damage – goes way beyond Bridezilla.
Stick to your guns. Say you are happy to go with any style of choice but you cannot and will not attempt to torture your hair into unnatural submission by trying to change its basic characteristics.
Post # 8
I have the same hair-type, so I feel your pain. I agree with PPs, if she is demanding you wear your hair a certain way, she needs to pay for it. Then, maybe once you’ve had the “trial” done, she will see that your hair doesn’t straighten well and relent? If she refuses to pay and still insists on you straightening your hair, you may need to start considering whether or not you’d be willing to step down.
Post # 9
mrsherbert: The bride is being ridiculous. I have naturally straight hair and I wouldn’t even straighten it and wear it like that in a humid climate like the Caribbean! I’d go wavy just so it wouldn’t get messed up. From what I’ve heard it is also damaging to straighten curly hair, and if you do it too often you’ll ruin the natural curl pattern. Don’t give in to this demand.
Post # 10
I have a lot to say about a friend who would even request/require something like that. Why doesn’t she have you lighten your skin as well? But, let me leave that alone for now…
Actually, regardless of time commitment or expense I wouldn’t be risking heat damage by flat ironing my hair and especially not because someone else told me to. You can slick your hair into a bun with gel. Even throw a flower in it for effect. Other than that, if you still want to be in this unreasonable lady’s wedding, can you wear a straight weave?
Post # 11
If she’ll pay for it, then I’d try it. If not, screw that noise.
Post # 12
bbbria: I would never remove myself from the wedding simply over my hair. I believe there must be some sort of compromise, and I am hoping that in the time leading up to the wedding I will be able to convince her that it will not be straightened, but can be styled in a way that she wants that is still flattering to my naturally curly hair.
SophieB3: Exactly! Would anyone’s hair actually look good being straightened in a humid climate.
Overjoyed: I have never worn articifal hair before or put chemicals in my hair to straighten it. I don’t want to post a picture of myself, but my hair naturally looks like this picture of Halle Berry (no idea whether this is her natural hair or not). My curls are easy to style and manage, it’s just when you try to make them straight that the rebel!
Post # 13
Wow the bride is being s bit demanding.
I would just (politely) let her know that your hair is going to get damaged if you have it straightened (more than once) for 2+ hours and that you wouldn’t want to damage your natural curls just for one day.
And if she wants her BMs to have a particular hairstyle she should pay for any and all things related to that hairstyle.
Post # 14
mrsherbert: I totally get it. Not only is it expensive and time consuming, straightening curly hair can be extremely damaging. You’d be risking permanent damage to your natural texture. I suggest going back to the bride with pictures/options that works with your hair texture, not against it. If she insists on your hair being straight, tell her how much it would cost her to get you a lacefront wig or weave.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I was raised in the Caribbean (Puerto Rico) and have naturally curly hair and can confirm that trying to wear straight hair was a nightmare for me every time, even in the winter, which is less humid there. I also have a problem with her unreasonable and to some extent disrespectful demands. If she keeps insisting I would tell her I go as I see fit or I’m not going. I would definitely ponder my friendship with this person at this point.