- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I didn’t think I’d have to write one of these posts, but I don’t know what to do and don’t really have anywhere to turn. We are getting married on my FI’s grandparents’ farm. We’ve been engaged for two years, and we never took any liberties for this wedding. From the beginning, we asked what would be allowed. With one month left, FMIL, FgrandMIL, Faunt and uncleIL are all upset and don’t want us to have alcohol at the reception. At first it was liability issues, which we’ve fully assumed responsibility for, and now it’s just because it upsets Grammy. They’re evangelical Pentecostal and drinking is bad. To make it more complicated, Grammy doesn’t remember us asking permission. Well, it was 2 years ago, and she is 72 so I don’t really know what to say to that.
We are going to have beer and wine at a campfire afterparty, not even though the entire thing and no liquor. Our guests are all responsible adults. FMIL was on the verge of tears talking about this; she’s not trying to be malicious but she doesn’t want Grammy upset and she disapproves of it, too. Basically, everyone is waiting for me to just roll over and say OK we won’t have it. I don’t know what to do. Maybe it’s shallow, but it has been a sticking point of mine from the very beginning that I wanted alcohol. My family expects it, and FI and I drink. Just a drink with dinner or a drink with friends, not like partying drinking drunk. FI is ready to agree because he “doesn’t want his family torn apart” and that upsets me because I think that he should stand his ground on the issue with me because it’s what we decided and we’re getting married. He said that he agrees and doesn’t think it should be a big deal, and it shouldn’t, but the fact of the matter is that it is so now what do we do about it.
My first thought was to have a dry reception and go to a bar afterwards but we can’t afford that. Oh, and relevant background info is that these people have a say because we are getting married on their property (aunt and uncle are in a co-op of the farm with Gram and Pap). So either I “get my way” and have already basically been branded a bridezilla over this and it makes FI upset that his family is upset, or I give in and basically everything I’ve planned for 2 years is pointless. And I am so sick of hearing how it’s one day and FI and I being married is important and it shouldn’t matter. It’s the principle of the issue. I feel like my wishes are being completely disrespected, and it’s being turned around so that me daring to insist on alcohol on their property is wrong. I understand, but at this point, it’s too late to move it. We would not have had the reception there at all if anyone would have spoken up in advance.
Basically, short of giving in and saying dry reception, I don’t know what to do. FI and I are going to sit down with Grammy and Pappy tomorrow, but Grammy and I already had a long conversation yesterday when I thought the issue was still just liability, and I thought things were taken care of.
tl;dr: With four weeks to go, my in-laws are destroying the plans we’ve been working on for two years. My hands are tied and it’s causing stress among FI’s family and now between me and him.