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40 something and registering...What are your thoughts?

posted 3 months ago in 40 Something
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    AlmostMrsMayo    October 18, 2013  

    So, FI and I are 40 something and we both have been married before. He asked me today if we were going to register for gifts and I havent givin it much thought being our ages and second marriage. What are your thoughts on this?

    ::Thanks::

     
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    BerryBerry    December 20, 2012   Australia

    If it were me I wouldn't register, as it does seem a tad greedy.

    I would just be happy with the gifts that people bought for me on their own. If I didn't get any, then that would be ok too.

    I really don't think I would be asking wedding guests to buy me presents at a second wedding.

     

     
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    AlmostMrsMayo    October 18, 2013  

    @BerryBerry:  

    Thank you for your reply. I pretty much felt the same way... Smile

     
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    80sbee    November 10, 2012  

    I wouldnt register either. Your guests may ask you before hand and you can tell them why you havent chose to register. I mean, youre basically set up with everything you need. They could surprise you with something sentimental or give you money to help go towards other things like a honeymoon.

     
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    kay01    May 27, 2012   NH/VT

    I'd say skip registering for the second wedding.

     
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    mypinkshoes    April 28, 2012   mexico/ontario

    i'm an encore bride in my 40's & i'm not registering for anything. 

     
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    tksjewelry    June 25, 2011   Omaha

    We didn't register, however, we had a ton of people asking us where we were registered at.  I suggest doing a small one at say target at least for close family and only if they ask, I would keep it to smaller things that you all want to replace.  People, especially older people, have a thing about buying towels and blankets for weddings.

     
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    Phofe2774    April 7, 2012   CA

    @tksjewelry: I agree.

    If I am going to a wedding I don't care the age or the times they have been married, I bring a gift and if you want something you can use towrds your life together, then I would register. Some couples are registering at places like Home Depot and sears where you can regiuster for things that aren't on the traditional registries.

     
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    vintagemodernbride    December 3, 2011   Texas

    Honestly, I would never care about how old a person is OR if they've been married before. I always bring a gift to a wedding. Plus, it's nice to at least have some things on a registry you might want to update or replace :)

     
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    SnapCracklePop    August 17, 2002  

    Even if you already have a china set or bedding, it can't hurt to look at something new that represents your new beginning in life. I'm with the other girls, if I am going to a wedding, I can't imagine not bringing a gift. So, I would never dream of thinking a couple was being greedy for registering. People don't have to use it, it's just there in case people need ideas on what to buy. 

     
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    Missido    August 4, 2012   Ontario, Canada

    I'm 34 and FI will be 40 when we marry in August.  First marriage.  We have decided to register because most of our stuff is 2nd hand and has been given to us (most of is used).  We both never had the opportunity to get all new (and nice) things when we were single.  Now that we're starting a life together, and have our house, there are things we want/need.    

    A registry is useful to guest because most of them want to get gifts but probably don't have any ideas.  It might be especially hard for them with you guys having been married before.  I would say DO have a small registry of things you want/need.  No one is obligated to use it.  And the people who do use it will be grateful to get "ideas" of gifts.

     
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    sehrler    August 25, 2012   Long Island, NY

    I am wondering about this too, I was married at 20 and will be 44 this year for my encore, my FI has never been married and is also 44.  I don't know what to do--many have told me to register but I'm really afraid of people thinking I'm greedy or something, and I'm equally feeling bad about the fact that he's never been married so he would be "penalized" by us not registering because of my prior wedding.  I'm torn, sorry I can't help you but I can empathize.  I will be watching your thread for the advice you get!  Bees give the best advice.

     
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    unixfairy    April 14, 2012   Las Vegas

    LOL I started a thread to this several months back.  We ended up registering at the I Do foundation for a charity registry and then a small one at Macy's for people that are more comfortable with that.

    Many of your guests will want to get you a gift and registering is a gracious way of making it simple for them

    At first I was like ummmm no I am not registering but then I realized I never go to a party at someone's home without a gift, i never go to a birthday party without a gift and I never think if someone has been married before or how old they are etc - I am just happy for them and send a gift or check to congratulate them

     
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    sehrler    August 25, 2012   Long Island, NY

    @unixfairy:  Agreed, 100%!  But I always expect people not to think like I do and be snarky about things so I suppose I tend to overthink issues concerning etiquette.

     
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    unixfairy    April 14, 2012   Las Vegas

    http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/are-any-of-yall-registering-if-so-where that is my original post - my 73 yo mother suggested the local liquor store ROFLMAO

     
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    atalante    May 19, 2012  

    @unixfairy:  LOLOL

     

    OP, I would have a small one. Like PPs said - when I'm invited to a wedding, I look for the place to buy the gift! No one is going to think you're greedy.

     
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    07ultraclassic    February 29, 2012   Everett, WA

    40-somethings, 2nd marriages for both of us, already stocked house, etc. 

    We requested people donate to their favorite charity or cause in honor of us (our names, or our wedding). I'm an avid runner and participate in many local fundraising type events OFTEN and linked guests up to 2 that I've currently got going, if they didn't have a place of their own to donate to. It's gotten great feedback and reviews. 

    Otherwise, we would have done a vacation/honeymoon registry, but we don't know where we want to go, or when (we travel a lot, anyway.. it's ALWAYS like a honeymoon!) (hehe)

     

     
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    LaughLines    September 2, 2012   Charlottesville, VA (OBX wedding)

    I've thought about this too.  We don't want to be greedy, but I also don't want guests who like shopping for and buying wedding gifts trying to guess what we might want.  As a guest, I personally really like looking at registries and choosing a gift from there.  

    I love the idea of a charity registry!  We'll have to investigate that and maybe also a small traditional registry.

     
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    Brielle    May 22, 2009  

    DH and I married at 40something, too. I had never been married, but DH had been married previously. We registered, and most of  the gifts we received were from our registry. 

     
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    KT808    October 18, 2012  

    Well believe it or not FH and I are in our early 50s! As we already have a ton a crap because of combining two complete households, we decided to request no gifts and any monies received will be donated to our favorite animal charities.

     
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    roxymalone      

    i'm in my 40's second marriage coming up and i probably won't register mainly because i'm not having a wedding-wedding,  but i see nothing wrong with other 40 somethings second marriage registering for anything.   i don't see how getting married and having family and friends there that love you and are happy for you + registering for gifts that people were probably going to buy you anyway = a couple being greedy.  most people prefer knowing what you would like rather than trying to guess.

    i feel the same way about baby showers for second, third, fourth and fifth or whatever pregnancies.  i see nothing wrong with throwing a party or shower for a mom for every one of her babies.  i just never got how that was in poor taste or considered greedy. 

     
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    Missbliss      

    I think as a second wedding, I think the registry concept may depend on your situation.  Most of the time, i would say no don't register, but I can think of two different couples that I would be okay with their registering without thinking a thing of if.  In one case, there is a young widow involved, and I could see that if she remarries that it might be appropriate for them to choose some new items for their household.  She might not register for a lot, but I could see that it would be nice for her to be able to have a fresh start in her household environment.  In the other situation, I know that part of the couple has never been married.  So go with what works for your environment.  Perhaps register, but only provide the registry information to those who request it.

     
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    BodyByViGirl    June 16, 2012   Myrtle Beach SC

    I am 45, FI is gonna be 49 just before the wedding. We have lived together a year and a half and have everything we could possibly need or want so not only are we not registering, we explicitly put a No Gifts page on our website and will be reiterating it in our invitations. Our wedding is a DW for all but us, and a handful of friends. We feel like their presence is our present since it will be in peak season here in Myrtle Beach and it will cost their first born child to get a room close to us on the beach (or near it.)

     
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    suful88       Atlanta

    We have instructed parents and bridal party to respond to guests inquiring about our registry to make a donation to the charity of their choice.  We thought about having a charity of our choice but decided against it. 

    We are in our early 40's and this will be a second marriage for both.  We both are in stable, well paid careers.  There is no need to register for gifts at this stage in our lives.  Most of these people already bought us a gift the first itme around and we consider it greedy to request another gift.  Just our opinion.

    Making mention of the word "gifts" in any form or fashion on the invitations is considered poor etiquette.  Even mentioning "no gifts" is exactly what is being done, you've just mentioned gifts.  Someone in the wedding party, parents or siblings should direct guests to a registry.

     

     
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    luvmyDwight    April 14, 2012   Gilbert, AZ

    I didn't want to register but everyone was insisting that we should. 

    We registered at Bed Bath and Beyond but then was told to register and Target since that's where most people shop. *sigh* Some of the things we registered for were upgrades to things we already have. New cookie sheets ect but mostly we registered for things we don't even need or want just to make people happy that we registered. :/

    Honestly cash would have been best for us because we need big things like furniture and appliances but I have read many posts about asking for cash instead of gifts and how it's bad etiquette.

     

     
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    Zanne54    June 3, 2015   Toronto

    I'm 40 and my BF is 42 (we're ring shopping so he will be FI within the year).

    Second marriages for both of us.

    We are not registering; however this is mostly due to our plans to elope. We feel that if you're not hosting a wedding & reception, then it's a tacky gift grab if you register.  

     
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    butterfli_beauty    May 20, 2012  

    Well, I'm 31 and getting married for the second time to a first timer and originally we weren't planning on registering because we already have a household set up.  However after being badgered over and over about it we caved and decided that we could use some new stuff.  So we registered because apparently there is a need out there for us to register  Laughing  I figure if people are asking they're obviously going to get us some sort of gift so they may as well get us something that we actually want or could use.  I won't however be advertizing that we are registered anywhere but if anyone asks now we have something to tell them. 

     
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    zdb    October 2012  

    I think it depends on your situation. If you have a fully furnished and decorated home I would say don't register. However, I have a brother-in-law who is getting remarried in his 30's, but he wasn't left with much with his previous divorce. He lives in an apartment with not a lot of stuff, and we are all more than happy he has a registry!

     
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    moonmaiden76    May 27, 2012   British Columbia, Canada

    Why not do a charity registry? Basically say you have all you need, the greatest gift is a guest's presence, but if they feel compelled to give something else, have them make a donation to your charity of choice in your name...

     
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    Frog E.    March 31, 2012   NYC, wedding in LA

    We're both in our 40s and getting married for the first time, and we have registered (at three different places, even). We are getting plenty of gifts off of our registries so at least some of our guests don't find it rude--in fact, both our mothers shot down the honeymoon registry idea in favor of registering for actual gifts. We both make good salaries and just combined households last May, but I really feel like there is always *something* you can use, particularly new sheets and towels as that sort of thing constantly needs replacing. We also put things like cookbooks on our Amazon registry, and that portion of the registry has basically been cleaned out.

    If you don't want to register, don't, and if you really don't want any new stuff, that's cool too. But don't feel pressured by your age or your number of marriages to make a decision you don't want to.

     
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    Paigey    April 6, 2013   Atlanta

    I'm 42, my FI is 30. This is my second marriage, but his first and even though we've lived together for 5 years, we're still registering.

    It's just easier for guests if they know what to get and don't have to assume you'd like or want something.

     
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    Mishy630    June 30, 2012   tobyhanna, PA

    it is funny i came across because me and FI were just discussing this.  I orginally was not going to register at all.  Being my second wedding and even though his first, I was like we have been living together for 4 years and really did not want to impose on people.  But my future SIl, wrote me and told me that she wanted to take me to bed, bath and beyond to do a registery.  I did not want to hurt her feelings or anything so I guess I am going to go make a day out of it with her and register.  Ty for this wonderful board.

     

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