Post # 1
I got married in December for the 1st time. My husband is 13 years younger than me, so it is only my age in question for a healthy pregnancy.
We are okay with having a child or not having a child. We are well educated, but my income is low as I am on a disability now. But having a permanent disaiblity means I have a guaranteed amount of income although this is low. My husband’s career is on the right track. We are just moving for his promotion.
Since we got married we have been lenient with BC. When I am ovulating we use protection, the rest of the month we don’t. We feel if I got pregnant it would be welcomed if not we are okay with it.
I was told as a child I could be infertile because of surgeries and scar tissue. I have no interest in going to a doctor to find out.
I know the miscarriage rate is about 50% for my age group and chances of pregnancy are nil.
Has anyone else experienced pregnancy in their 40’s or do you know of someone? Am I totally crazy even considering this?
Post # 3
@VanIsleGal: Not to be a debbie downer, but it’s not just the increased risk of miscarriage…are you prepared to care for a child with a mental handicap? Yes it can absolutely happen to anyone but, your risk is much much higher because of age. Now that doesn’t mean it will happen and if you want a child by all means try, but please do your research and know what you are getting into.
And since you asked, yes my mother concieved a child at 39. The doctors recommend abortion at her first appt. not even kidding. She of course had no interest in that, but they proceeded to scare her at every appt. they never found anything wrong with the baby and she carried him for almost 6 months, and then one day no heartbeat, she delivered him, they couldn’t find anything wrong or give us any answersas to what had happened, we buried him and tried to continue on as a family, but it was a devestating loss for everyone involved especially my mother, I wouldn’t want to see anyone go through that.
Again this is in no way the rule, I just have seen the horrible other side and have really strong opinions on the matter, but the bottom line is if you have truly done your homework and know the risks involved and are willing to move forward then go for it and absolute best of luck to you. =]
Post # 4
@VanIsleGal: My parents had me later in life. I love them and I love the life I had but growing up with older parents was very tough. My parents couldn’t play sports with me, they rarely chased me around the house. It’s not that they didn’t want to, it’s that they physically couldn’t. My parents are the only ones in their circle who aren’t grandparents or worse, great grandparents (I’m 26).
Sorry to be such a party pooper.
Post # 5
My mom was 40 when she had my sister. I guess it depends on the person, because my parents haven’t had any issues raising her. They’re both very active and play soccer/basketball with her (she’s 12) and she doesn’t even realize they were older than average.
I know the risks increase, so I would definitely talk with your doctor about it and do tons of research! Good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 6
I’ll give you the flip side from PP. I’m 38 and currently TTC for the first time
my FMIL was 40 when she had my FI. No issues at all a friend from high school is 31 and due in 3 weeks. No issues at all.
While yes there are risks, and yes the risks are much higher than if we were younger, no one can predict what will happen. If you know the risks, have a plan for handling those risks should theyncomemto pass, and still want to try for a kid, do it 🙂
bottom line: be informed. Be realistic. Do what will make you happy
Post # 7
The risks during pregnancy also have to do with your health as well. Please see a doctor to see if YOU are healthy enough to get pregnant. A miscarriage is an obvious concern, but please take your life into consideraiton, as well. If you want to have a baby, please talk to your doctor, first.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@VanIsleGal: Unfortunately if your doctors say you’re infertile and you’re 43, it might be very hard to get pregnant 🙁 I know of a 42 year old who had a perfectly healthy baby but many many women who couldn’t get pregnant after 40. But hey you never know!
Post # 9
The responsible thing to do is see a doctor to make sure you are healthy enough to carry a child in the first place.
Post # 10
@ames12708: A mental handicap????????????? EXCUSE ME? I don’t have a mental handicap? Where on Earth did this come from?
Post # 11
@VanIsleGal: I didn’t say anything about you having a mental handicap please read my reply again.
“Not to be a debbie downer, but it’s not just the increased risk of miscarriage...are you prepared to care for a child with a mental handicap? Yes it can absolutely happen to anyone but, your risk is much much higher because of age. Now that doesn’t mean it will happen and if you want a child by all means try,
I was and am supportive and understanding of your desire to have a child. Please read carefully before attacking people, as certainly was not attacking you.
Post # 12
@VanIsleGal: I think what she meant is the risk for your child to have a mental handicap increases with age. She was asking if you were prepared to raise a mentally handicapped child, not implying you have a mental handicap.
Post # 13
@MrsBudz2Bee: Interesting…I value your opinion. This is the type of info I need to make an informed decision! My hubby would make a great dad since he is young and physically able. I am guessing this would have been better for you…having one younger parent chasing you around the house lol! Thanks for sharing!
Post # 14
@ames12708: omg sorry. I read the sentence meaning I had the mental handicap lol. Yikes, it could be read either way, the child or me.
I am thinking I would abort an unhealthy pregnancy, down’s syndrome etc. If I really was pregnant and had to face this decision, I am not sure if I could really go through with an abortion. Plus I really need to be more informed at this point.
Thanks everyone for pointing out my misunderstanding.
Post # 15
The responsible thing to do for you AND your potential future child would be to get a thorough medical workup before attempting to conceive or getting pregnant. If a doctor tells you, “You will have a 50% chance of miscarrying” or “Your kid has a 400% greater chance of Down Syndrome”* do you still really, really want to go for it?
Only you can answer these questions. But I go by the idea that it’s always better to be informed than not.
*These numbers are obviously totally made up, but there are very real risks to a later-in-life pregnancy.
Post # 16