(Closed) 44 Reasons Why Everyone At Cosmo Needs To Be Fired… you will die laughing!!

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

lol I’ve read that. I can’t imagine the look on my FI’s face if I suggested/did half of the things they want you to do.

Post # 4
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

15. “Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?



This mental image. I am dying.

Post # 5
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

LMFAO.

35. “As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.'”
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.”

I just woke my fiance up because I was laughing so hard.

Post # 6
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Laughing so hard.  Top 3:

19. “Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other’s body, such as the nipples.”
On an unrelated note, this is also a great way to train your cat not to pee on the rug.

23. “Feed each other ice cream [in the dark]. Not being able to see means more spilling, which means more licking up the mess.”
This is proof positive that no one ever tries these things.

35. “As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.'”
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.”


Post # 7
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jenilynevette:  suggesting that you will actually eat a man’s penis is never a good idea.  

Post # 8
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@aliciapdx:  About the ice cream one, I said that to my FH and he was like “yeah, nothing gets me hotter than laundry.”

Post # 9
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other’s body, such as the nipples.”
On an unrelated note, this is also a great way to train your cat not to pee on the rug

Just sprayed the cat lmfao dying I tell you, dying!

Post # 10
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

41. “Not ecofriendly? It could be a sign that he’ll trash your relationship too.”

 


SO glad someone finally brought to light the number one cause of failed marriages – men not going green enough!! I love how that one was such a blatant “look, we’re with the times! We promote important, big-wordly issues too! See? SEE?!”

 

Gosh, Cosmo. I’m surprised the author didn’t mention any of the 7 most psychotic things Cosmo might have ever published, ever – a lovely piece on ways to figure out a guy might be cheating, and what to do to get back at him if you think he might be cheating:

 

http://www.cracked.com/article_19066_7-psychotic-pieces-relationship-advice-from-cosmo.html

 

Just as a tasty preview – one sign of cheating is if a guy swallows a lot while talking. And the way to get back at him and his overactive salivary glands? Cook him ex-lax brownies. Oh me oh my, the Cosmo writers’ love lives must be amazing.

 

Post # 11
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

22. “Mix one tablespoon of saliva (the kind deep in your throat works best – its viscosity makes it a good substitute for lube) with one tablespoon of water to stretch the spit.”
They don’t really explain if you’re supposed to whisk it together in a bowl in the kitchen, or if you should just hock a loogie onto his pre-moistened junk, but I trust your judgment.


hahahahahah WHAT?!

Post # 13
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lovelorlo:  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. (Cosmo probably has a use for that too…)

Post # 14
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

12. “Tickle his feet with your nipples: climb on top of him in reverse cowgirl position, then bend over until your nipples reach the tops of his feet. …Yowzah.”
When this sounds spicy, you have hit new heights of erotic boredom.

 

ME: Might I also add, that’s a great way to get kicked in the face? ‘Hey honey, knock out my 2 front teeth for me, they’re just not making my smile pretty enough!’

 

26. Use “your electric toothbrush” or “your iPhone [when your vibrator is out of batteries].”
To which I’ll just say, have you ever tried to lie to the Genius at the Apple Store who’s fixing your phone? It never works.

 

ME: Oh, so THAT’S what vibrate is for! Silly me, I thought it was for brushing better/notifications on my phone.

 

 

 

No. Bad Cosmo. Undecided

 

Post # 15
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

Fucking DYING. TEARS. I could barely finish it I’m laughing so hard.

 

35. “As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.'”
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.”

Favorite.

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