45 days until the wedding...do we get rid of groomsmen?

1.

Member

26 posts

Newbee

redhead3985 October 16, 2011

OK, so my fiance never thought he would be going through this so close to the wedding, but nevertheless, he is!

Months ago, FI decided on three of his good friends to be his groomsmen (we originally decided we would each have just 1 person each standing up for us, BUT he didn't want to have to decide between his three closest friends, so he asked all of them). He never even asked any of them to be his best man because of the same reason.

We are having a small, casual wedding, and FI decided that he would like the groomsmen to just wear a shirt, tie, and dresspants. He told them how much their outfits would cost (less than $70 and they would own their attire), and asked if they could all get the money to him along with their sizes, so that he could order/buy the attire. Not a single one has responded. And that was after he tried to contact them all in the first place to ask what everyone's budget was (he had to repeatedly contact each of them to even get that response).

Now, its 45 days before the wedding, we still have not heard back from any of them. I even sent them all (including my side of the bridal party), a friendly facebook message (we're all friends) about the wedding, our rehearsal, and reminded the guys to get their info to FI ASAP so that we could order/buy the attire in time to return/exchange out any sizes that do not fit.

FI is hurt, and of course, I'm hurt for him (and a little stressed that their attire isn't taken care of yet). He is seriously thinking of cutting all of his groomsmen, and having my brother (who is currently my Man of Honor) stand up for him (I only had two on my side, so I would still have my Maitron of Honor). I told FI it is completely his choice, and to follow his heart, but to make a decision soon. He is tired of repeatedly contacting his/our "friends" and being ignored.

What do you think he should do? Should he continue to hound them, and be ignored? Or should he just cut them loose? If you think he should "fire" his groomsmen, how do you think he should word it (he is most scared of this part).

Sorry this is so long, thanks for reading!

8 months ago

2.

Member

236 posts

Helper bee

LucyMegs140 September 24, 2011 Chicago, IL

I would try reaching out to them one more time, but instead of making the call or email a "reminder", I would rephrase and reposition it. Maybe if he let them know "Hey, I really want you guys to be a part of this, it would mean a lot to me but we have a lot to plan so I really need you guys to help with the attire". I think some guys (especially if they aren't married or haven't been in a wedding before) don't realize everything that goes in to it and sometimes feel like it's ok to slack off.

My fiance and I have struggled with this with a couple of his groomsmen but luckily his best man has stepped up to take the lead and make sure the others get their stuff done.

If after one more time, they still don't get it, I'd say drop them. If after your fiance explains to them how important it is to have them be a part of the day and they still don't care, then sadly, they probably aren't that great of friends to have anyways.

8 months ago

2.

Member

236 posts

Helper bee

LucyMegs140 September 24, 2011 Chicago, IL

I would try reaching out to them one more time, but instead of making the call or email a "reminder", I would rephrase and reposition it. Maybe if he let them know "Hey, I really want you guys to be a part of this, it would mean a lot to me but we have a lot to plan so I really need you guys to help with the attire". I think some guys (especially if they aren't married or haven't been in a wedding before) don't realize everything that goes in to it and sometimes feel like it's ok to slack off.

My fiance and I have struggled with this with a couple of his groomsmen but luckily his best man has stepped up to take the lead and make sure the others get their stuff done.

If after one more time, they still don't get it, I'd say drop them. If after your fiance explains to them how important it is to have them be a part of the day and they still don't care, then sadly, they probably aren't that great of friends to have anyways.

8 months ago

2.

Member

236 posts

Helper bee

LucyMegs140 September 24, 2011 Chicago, IL

I would try reaching out to them one more time, but instead of making the call or email a "reminder", I would rephrase and reposition it. Maybe if he let them know "Hey, I really want you guys to be a part of this, it would mean a lot to me but we have a lot to plan so I really need you guys to help with the attire". I think some guys (especially if they aren't married or haven't been in a wedding before) don't realize everything that goes in to it and sometimes feel like it's ok to slack off.

My fiance and I have struggled with this with a couple of his groomsmen but luckily his best man has stepped up to take the lead and make sure the others get their stuff done.

If after one more time, they still don't get it, I'd say drop them. If after your fiance explains to them how important it is to have them be a part of the day and they still don't care, then sadly, they probably aren't that great of friends to have anyways.

8 months ago

3.

Member

479 posts

Helper bee

swtTea October 15, 2011

We delt with this very same thing (my guy has three "bestfriends" too). Anyways, has he tried calling them directly (some people don't response to fb messages/texts/emails)? If he tried and they haven't returned his call/messages, then call one last time and let them know that by (x date) if they haven't respond or get in touch with him, they are no longer part of the wedding. It will save you some guessing and let them know that the ball is in their court. I hope things work out.

8 months ago

4.

2,216 posts

Buzzing bee

Crisark November 5, 2011 WV

I'd give them one more chance and list it as such.

Can't be nice about it really anymore.

8 months ago

5.

Member

3,319 posts

Sugar bee

joy2011 October 22, 2011 NE Ohio

I would say... send one more message, and if they get their act together, then they're groomsmen. If they don't show up wearing appropriate attire...then they're not. (and what LucyMegs said.)

8 months ago

6.