Post # 1
I think my sister is going to ask me if she can bring a date to my wedding and I’m not sure how to respond. Here is a bullet list detailing the scenario.
It is 5 days before wedding. This is key.
My sister is a bridesmaid, but hasn’t really participated in the wedding aside from getting sized for dress, which my parents paid for.
She has asked my parents if she could bring her new boyfriend, but she has not asked me yet. She wants to call tonight and I assume this is what she’ll want to talk about.
She has been dating said boyfriend for one month
Several months ago she asked if she could bring a male friend of hers who I knew, I said yes. That friend can no longer come. When I found out I offered to let her bring some of her frieds from High School who I also knew.
RSVP deadline was Aug 1
My concerns are
Her new boyfriend would be staying here with my family and would therefore necessarily be involved in all prewedding events and around all the time the three days before the wedding
Most of my family has not met my fiance. I don’t like the idea of them meeting my fiance and her new boyfriend for the first time at the same time.
We only gave two “plus ones” to the wedding. They were two groomsmen who have to travel 3,000 miles to get to the wedding and have been in long term (2+ years) relationships.
Is it unreasonable for me to tell her she can’t bring her new bf? Or is it not as big a deal as I’m making it?
Post # 2
bostonkate: I wouldn’t lose my mind over it butttttt no, I don’t think she should be allowed to bring this guy that you don’t know. Pick and choose your battles obviously, but I’d try to explain to her why this isn’t really cool. He’ll essentially be a freeloader of your wedding festivities.
Post # 3
I’m not sure if I would be upset about him meeting your family for the first time as well as your FI. It’s still going to be way more exciting for your family to meet the man you’re marrying, instead of a new boyfriend of your sisters (no offence to her or the bf!)
But it would annoy me that he’d be around for all the pre-wedding stuff and would probably be awkward for both him and your family to feel like they need to keep him entertained as he’s an “outsider.”
Maybe you could just tell your sister that the final numbers were put in already, and there isn’t room to add one more person unfortunately. Unless she knows that you kept a plus one for her, based on her other friend coming?
Post # 4
I think you are justified in saying no, but I also don’t think it’s worth a ton of stress on your part if she insists and you want to give in because it’s easier. As for the part about you being worried about introducing both your FI and her BF at the same time, I really think people will be much more focused on your FI, since it’s your wedding (and the BF is so new). So I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
You can also remind your sister that as someone in the immediate family and the wedding party, there is a lot of running around to do, and there isn’t much time to devote to a significant other. So if her BF doesn’t know anyone, it’s actually not going to be much fun for him. She may want to spare him this one.
Post # 5
i’d say RSVP date has passed and we can’t allow for any extras at this point. plus we will be busy as the bridal party and he would be bored.
Post # 6
You already told her she could bring a male friend, then other high school friends, so obvioulsy you were prepared to give her a plus one.
Unless it’s absolutely impossible for your venue to add one more person, I would tell her that it is fine for her to bring her new boyfriend. If you take the high road, this will never be an issue for the two of you in the future.
If you say no, just because your FI will have to share the limelight meeting your relatives, you will seem petty. Your family is more than capable of meeting both of them and differentiating which is becoming a family member and which isn’t.
Post # 7
when he meets your parents and under what circumstances and for how long are things for your sister to consider. no reason for you to worry about that or base your decision on that at all.
it doesn’t really matter how many days out it is imo- she’s your sister and a bridesmaid and this is her bf (regardless of whether it’s new)- if you can give him a seat and a meal, invite him. If I were you, I would’ve already let her know that she can invite him when they first started dating and I would’ve told her that she could just tell me closer to the wedding since it was new and she might be unsure at that point.