Post # 1
I’ve been reading Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” and I’m finding it so interesting and eye opening. So I thought I’d post a little summary here for some food for thought…. You’ll probably be able to say “yep that one is me!” to at least one of these, and maybe even work out which ones relate to your SO. I think it’s really important to show love to your partner in the way that they most need it to keep that love tank full.
Fading Tingle and Empty Love Tanks
After the first or second year of marriage, when the initial “tingle” is starting to fade, many couples find that their “love tanks” are empty. They may have been expressing love for their spouse, but in reality they may have been speaking a different love language. The best way to fill your spouse’s love tank is to express love in their love language. Each of us has a primary love language. Usually, couples don’t have the same love language.
Chapman’s Five Emotional Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation
This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate’s self image and confidence.
- Quality Time
Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner’s love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
- Acts of Service
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
- Physical Touch
Sometimes just stroking your spouse’s back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.
Determining Your Own Love Language
Since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:
- How do I express love to others?
- What do I complain about the most?
- What do I request most often?
Post # 3
I loved this book. There were a lot of points that I found very helpful in expressing love better to my FI and expressing my own needs to him in a way that didn’t seem like nagging. I totally express love through acts of service, while my FI is more of a words of affirmation kind of guy. By acknowledging our differences we were able to see how to love each other better.
Post # 4
I’m a quality time person– less of the deep-thoughts/conversations and more of the just being around my SO. we go on trips together, go out for food, etc and I get disappointed when plans fall through.
Post # 5
We have this book (given by a friend) though I haven’t read all of it. But we both knew right away from the descriptions of the love languages that we are both physical touch category! I think quality time would be second.
Post # 6
I’m mostly words of affirmation, but also physical touch. Meanwhile my SO is mainly quality time. It helps just to be aware of these things 🙂
Post # 7
This book is so great, and I think it’s crucial for couples to figure out their love styles. It will help so much with how you communicate and love one another. It’s actually really helpful to identity your top two love languages and then your bottom love language and exchange these with your partner. That way, you can be more deliberate in knowing how to effectively love your SO. We tend to use our own love languages to show love to others, but if these languages aren’t at the top of your SO’s list, he won’t feel as loved. For instance, physical touch is at the top of my FI’s list, but at the bottom of mine, so I have to be very conscious and deliberate in using physical touch to love him since it doesn’t come naturally to me. Although it can be difficult to reorient how you love your SO, especially in those heated moments when you don’t feel like loving him, showing affection in his love language will do so much for him and make him feel so very loved!
Post # 8
I’m in the ‘gifts’ category and also ‘quality time’. I just finished reading it, he’s going to read it next..I’m interested to hear which he thinks he is! I think he’s ‘physical touch’ and ‘words of affirmation’.
Post # 11
I took this book on my cruise last month and only got to the first chapter. I will be traveling next month for two weeks and planned on finishing it. Already, I know we are different in our languages and like T.R. Bride stated, it helps with both the loving and the heated moments of a relationship.
Post # 12
I would be curious to see this as a poll, wonder if some love languages are more common than others.
Post # 13
Post # 14
I would be in ‘words of affirmation’. He is more into ‘physical touch’. We figured this out the hard way already. Better late than never!
Post # 15
I really enjoyed the book… definitely enlightening!
I’m trying to get SO to work on my LL.. I’m definitely Physical Touch/Words of Affirmation. He’s gotten better at the words, but still isn’t on the same page as I am with the touch.
His is Acts of Service, hands down. I feel I do pretty well speaking his LL. He speaks the LL of Acts of Service so well, he’s always doing things for me! Some days, I wish that was my LL 🙂