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Oh no, I'm so sorry! I can imagine how stress that is for you and everyone else involved. I'm sure your mother feels terrible. I would talk to her, ask her what she would like for you to do. In the end, I think having a house and a loving husband are the most important priorities. The wedding is a great experience (for some) but it won't improve your overall quality of life. I know that's probably not helpful, but I guess I'm trying to put things into perspective the way I would if I was going through this situation. I hope it all works out.
I would honestly and sincerely explain to the vendors that due to the economy/layoffs, you are at a risk to having to cancel. At this point, most of them might not be able to book another wedding, so see if any of them could do a modified payment plan, or if they have other ideas...?
I would see if there are "easy" things to scale back on like the alcohol, etc. first before you chop entire vendors, but it will work out in the end, it always does!
I agree with cannontwait. I'd try to scale some things back. The flowers, guest list, food and alcohol, amount of decor (chair covers, etc) can all be scaled back to save a lot of money.
I am so sorry this has happened to your family! This economy sucks!
Can you see where you can cut corners- downgrade your photography package, be at your venue for less time (if they charge by the hour like some places do), in vite fewer people, change your catering options to a cheaper/less expensive package, DIY your invitations instead of using a printer, cut out things like limos/buses for transportation, etc? I know it sucks but a little cut here and there could add up to the total money you're short, ya know? Also, see if you can start paying/setting aside money in small increments- $25 a week or so. Its not much, but it could add up!
And finally, you can explain what happened to your vendors, see who would be nice enough to give your money back, and cancel the big wedding. You could, instead, have a small, intimate affair in your backyard for just your very closet friends and family. If you plant now, your yard will be full of beautiful flowers by Aug/Sep!
I hope things can be worked out to make your day happen! *hugs*
I agree with what everyone has said above about scaling back on things where possible... but beyond that how much money are we talking? If half of everything is paid already.... are we in the 10-20K category or less? I know that none of us WANT to take on debt for our wedding and doing so is not a smart plan.
but.
You already have a house, you've already paid off your honeymoon, you already have all your plans made, you're going to lose a bunch of money if you cancel, and the bottom line is you need to get married. Worst case scenario you end up in debt for the balance of the wedding. Does it suck? Yep! But if you were able to save up for a down payment on a house in 2 years then you can probably pay off your wedding in another two. It is totally not ideal and was not intended, but sometimes life happens and I think you should just not stress about the money and enjoy your day. I would never say this to someone voluntarily going into debt for a wedding... but if it is inevitable just remember: It is ONLY money. You will make more.
So sorry about that! My FMIL just lost her job too, and wanted to help us with part of our wedding, but we told her no thank you right from the beginning. I can't imagine what would have happened if we said yes :(
Are your FH or yourself able to work part time doing something else for a while? I'm sure your both very busy with wedding plans and your own jobs, etc, but in my own experience, I've been able to take on several small jobs. Babysitting, carpooling and working with a teenage boy with learning disabilities. It's only been a month but I've managed to save over $1200 just by doing that.
Are there daily things you can cut back on? Coffees, eating out, taking public transit, etc that might save you some money? Are you able to take out a line of credit? And yes as someone mentioned, I'd definitely try to explain your situation to some of your vendors. If you're scaling back and not cancelling, they may understand and work with you to make your big day happen the way you imagined!
Good luck!
Thanks girls for all of the advice. I will start by contacting some of my vendors this weekend and see what they have to say. Maybe some have a heart and will work with us. I just wish I could save more money but right now I am putting away every dime and am living off of 100 a month for spending money.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a traumatic event before you wedding. I think everyone's given very helpful advice here - scaling back seems like the way to go, if possible and many vendors are understanding if you explain your situation to them - they're people too! I do hope this all works out for you and your family. Keep us posted.
@CorgiTales- Unfortunately we were planning a $70,000 wedding. I look at it now and it's insane. We still owe about $30,000. I really don't want to go into dept but besides my school loans we have paid off every single credit car and have no debt. I think I might just try to finance our furniture and use that cash and if I can come up with $15,000 and my parents can we could be okay. Most of the furtniture stores seem to have no interest for the first year so we might go that route and pay it down with wedding money.
@Ryansgirl- It is such a tough economy. Since I was little I knew my parents would be paying for my wedding and my mom is as excited as I am. I am the only girl and my always said the only thing he would never forgive me about is that I eloped, but we never expected this. My fiance runs his own company so there is no set income so we are putting away everything he can. He also picked up a teaching job. I work full time. We are extremely minimal on spending money we cut out coffee and lunches and every extra.
I can also take a very low interest loan against my 401k, but won't qualify until July so I can keep that in mind as a last resort.
I guess and I just sad about this and also feel awful that during a difficult financial time every is still worried about making everything perfect for me.
Oh I'm so sorry!
I definitely agree with seeing what you can scale back. If, for example, you have a $5000 photography package and have put down a $2500 deposit, see if they have a $2500 or $3000 package. Same with everything else. Explain your situation to the vendors and try to push everything down to as close as your deposit as possible. If you can scale most things down to near where you already paid, you should be good.
Let us know what ends up happening and good luck!!
Oh my gosh.. how awful! I would say that anything you haven't purchased yet, re-evaluate! If you were going to go with big flower arrangements, stay with the same person, and downgrade the centerpieces. If you were going to rent a bunch of glasses and chagers, and plates, see if you can downgrade. Just skim stuff off the top that doesn't require you to cancel contracts, but still allows you to get the vision you wanted.
So sorry to hear about your stress.
See if your vendors can give you a reduced package. If you haven't already sent out STD's or invites is scaling down the guest list a possibility to save on the cost per head. Is your honeymoon far enough out that it can be canceled for little or know money loss, so that you could use that money for the wedding and take a honeymoon on your 1st anniversary.
Forget about furniture for a while see what hand-me downs you can get from friends and family. I know it's not ideal but you can quickly save for furniture after the wedding.
Are either of you skilled in something that you could barter for some of the costs of your vendors. For example, if one of you is CPA could you offer tax prep for a discount on your bill from that vendor.
70k is an expensive wedding. Most of your vendors (especially your reception/catering) will recognize you as a "priority" customer because you are spending so much. They might be willing to work with you on pricing, especially if they know they might lose your business otherwise.
Explain the situation to them and hope for the best. At the end of the day, they may be willing to cut back in order to keep you as a client. THEY have something at stake here too.
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When my FI and I got engaged during the summer of '08, my parents agreed to pay for our wedding but asked if we could wait until 2010. This wasn't a problem at all since I wanted the time to plan and FI and I wanted to save to buy a house. I felt very grateful that my parents were willing to give me my dream wedding, I know that I'd never be able to afford to buy a house and plan a wedding at the same time.
So we all sat down and my parents drew out a budget and basically told us how much we were allowed in each catagory and if there were things that were outside what they saw to be neccesary then FI and I would cover the cost. This seemed completly fair and FI and I ended up getting a band for cocktail hour, uplights (my dream!) and we paid for our own honeymoon and rings. Since we had so much help FI and I were actually able to save more and buy a house better than we imagined. So we already signed the P&S and are schedule to close next month so there is no backing out now. So basically after we buy the house and some furniture, finish paying off the balance of our honeymoon, and pay the balance on our extra's for the wedding FI and I are completly broke. We are okay with this because we figure we will get some money for the wedding and put it into savings.
Everything for our wedding is booked, all non-refundable deposits have been made and.... my mother lost her job
She lost her job a couple of months ago and when it happened she basically said don't worry about, we'll figure it out and we are locked into contracts with everyone and can't get our deposits back for anything. Well she still hasn't been able to find a job and now we can't afford the wedding. What are we supposed to do with only a few months to spare?! We are less than 5 months out and have no money! Even if I cancel some of our vendors we will lose thousands of dollars and if we chose cheaper vendors then once you count the deposits you lost and the new costs we didn't save anything. We have also already paid half for the venue and caterer.
I feel awful. No one in my house sleeps its like the stress has taken over all of us. I don't know we can get back any of the money we already spent or get out of our contacts, we have everything done but cake.
I just want this all to be over with. This isn't fun anymore and has turned into the most stressful experience. I know I'll be sad if I never have a wedding, but I don't know what to do anymore or how to make more money.