5 Weeks away and FI wants to call it off. So hurt and humiliated

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I haven’t been through this, but my firsth thought it this…wait a few days, maybe even a week.  Don’t go cancelling or telling everyone yet.  Talk to your close friends, but give it a few days to see what happens after the dust settles.  

I’m so sorry you are suffering through this.  I truely hope it works out for the best, regaurdless if there is a wedding or not.   

Post # 3
28 posts


mmn2014:  aw I’m so sorry…have you and your FI had an in-depth conversation as to why he feels calling it off is necessary, other than just saying there is no solid foundation there?  Is it possible that he’s feeling the effects of cold feet or do you think there have been underlying problems there for some time?  Does he want to end the relationship altogether, or just postpone the wedding portion of it?  (sorry to bombard you with questions…)

All I can say is hang in there, everything happens for a reason and usually once we’re able to step back and see the big picture, we’re thankful that things turn out the way they do.  You want and deserve a man who can’t wait to be your husband, and have you for his wife.  I understand that there has been so much planning put into it, and that is a huge disappointment, but you may find yourself several months from now thinking “Thank god that happened”, because it’s easier dealing with a cancelled wedding than a divorce (trust me–I’m going through the exact same thing as we speak–I’m only a couple days in and already having the “thank god that happened now rather than later” realization).  I would say don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.  Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and make sure that you are priority number one. 

My thoughts are with you and I hope you are ok.


Post # 4
185 posts
Blushing bee

That is a terrible situation to be in and it must hurt very much.  I’m so sorry.

I know it must be hard to think about, but in the long run it will be much better to call off the wedding now than to have to call off the marraige later.  You don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t feel 100% committed to the relationship, and that is what your FI is telling you.  It’s a good thing that’s he’s told you that now rather than waiting.  Try not to focus on the wedding aspect so much – it’s just one day out of the rest of your lives.  Maybe it would have been your “dream wedding”, but the whole thing would be worthless if it was the start to an unhappy marriage.


  • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  junkbee.
Post # 5
4925 posts
Honey bee

I am so sorry to hear this. Hugs x


Post # 6
2976 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

My husband told me he wanted a divorce 6 months after we had a big wedding. My parents had paid for the entire thing. I was SO EMBARRASSED/ashamed to tell everyone. You at least have the advantage that people haven’t come and witnessed it yet. Think of it this way…seperating before the wedding saves you the horrendous divorce afterward. 

People are WAY more understanding then you think. Everyone wants the best for you, and will want to help you.

I’m so sorry, I know how devastating it is, but the horrors you are imagining are far worse than actuality. Start by telling your parents and your BFFs. 

Post # 7
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Were y’all fighting when he said this, or was it something he just brought up?

Post # 8
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry to hear this! Do you think there’s any chance this is just cold feet and he’ll change his mind? It this is for sure, then there’s nothing to do but tell people and start canceling things and sending back gifts. Since he’s the one who initiated this I would absolutely make him responsibile for the lions share of canceling things, explaining things to vendors, contacting guests, etc. I can definitely imagine how embarassing it would feel to tell people, but your friends and family will love and support you through this! And it’s absolutely better to cancel now than to have to go through a divorce.

Post # 9
21 posts
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Grand Hotel Marriott Resort, Golf Club & Spa

I’m so sorry you are going through this, I would definitely say HOLD OFF on calling anyone just yet. I would at least give it a couple of days. Your finace’ could just be super stressed and freaking out, but if he’s not in it for the long haul then there’s definitely no reason to get married.

Post # 10
415 posts
Helper bee

As far as contacting the invited guests goes, you can mail out a cancellation announcement.  The proper wording is as follows:

“The wedding of Bride’s Full Name and Groom’s Full Name will not take place.”

Post # 11
262 posts
Helper bee

mmn2014:  If he called it off, then he needs to break the news to everyone and explain that it is his choice.  don’t make you face that.  


side note, anyone who could propose, then plan a wedding and wait until now to decide its not right yet, should be kicked to the curb.  but thats my opionion without knowing all the facts.  but if you dont have a strong enough foundation for marriage, then you don’t propose.  

Post # 12
217 posts
Helper bee

whoa_its_ash:  off track, but what?! I thought you were married… did you guys ever actually divorce? 

Post # 15
3649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Just tell your family; they will understand. So will your guests,I guarantee it. Let your FI tell his family and contact the guests from his side. 

Eta: I would lose this guy – fast. Otherwise I’m betting you will have a lot of heartache ahead of you. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  doberman.
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