My husband beat Lymphoma and wants a vow renewal!

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 3
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@IAVMHERE2:  Oh man. On the one hand: Cancer free, AND you want a religious ceremony as distinct from your original civil ceremony, and I get that. I really do.

On the other hand: a wedding and two vow renewals in five years? That’s… asking a lot of your guests. And of you, honestly- having just supported him through his illness, I imagine planning a big white wedding is not top of your to-do list. 

Is there a way to do this that you think will make him happy and respect his wishes without establishing a precedent of remarrying each other every two and a half years? Maybe point out to him gently about how that could get a bit overwhelming as the years go on. Maybe an intimate vow renewal in church to rededicate yourselve to each other in your faith tradition following such a dark time, and then a big party with guests to celebrate his recovery, unrelated to the vow renewal?

Surely no one can doubt your commitment to him, after a wedding, a vow renewal, and sticking by him through a tough cancer fight in the first five years of your marriage. Are witnesses to the actual renewal what he wants, or is he just excited about a reason to celebrate now that he’s out from under the cloud of cancer? 

But in the end, if this is what he really wants, and if you don’t mind the effort involved in giving it to him… to hell with tacky. I’d be delighted to have the loved ones I’ve lost to cancer back to lovingly judge their tackier decisions, and you can encourage anyone who gives him a hard time about it to think about just how much better it is to be snipping about his second vow renewal than attending his funeral.

Post # 4
193 posts
Blushing bee

I say have a wonderful wedding again – and have guests do donations in your husbands name to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society… Congrats on the new life together!

Post # 5
7915 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@IAVMHERE2:  I say you throw the reception for all but:

– keep the vows very small just before- immediate fam and very closest friends.

– request no gifts,  suggest donations to Cancer org as PP suggest.

I think beating cancer is plenty good reason to throw a big awesome party on its own, but I wouldnt make your whole extended circle listen to your vows for a 3rd time!

Post # 6
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013


@montanamum:  +1000.

@IAVMHERE2:  When it comes to beating cancer, I say throw etiquette, $, etc…out the window and do whatever makes you both happy. Follow your heart and have the wedding you want, if people judge – screw em’. I do agree with PP and think that a donation to yall’s charity of choice, which I assume is likely a lymphoma research charity, is the way to go. 


Post # 8
1592 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps you could word something in a way to show that one of the  motivations for repeating a vow renewal is a desire for a more religious context. 

For some, that might move the thinking from … “wow, they sure like their vows a lot” to “they’ve had a difficult year and want to ‘bless’ their union in a different way.”

Post # 9
382 posts
Helper bee

I agree with @montanamum: and @MrsMaverick13:  

Do what makes your DH happy. If he wants a full blown party with all the bells and whistles that’s exactly what you should do. After everything that you have been through I think everyone will understand and be happy to celebrate with you both. I love the idea of inviting guests to donate to a lymphoma charity as well.

Congratulations on getting through what must have been an incredibly difficult time. Now, I agree with your DH- start planning! Peace, prayers and blessings to you both.

Post # 10
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes give him whatever he wants!!! Wow congrats on beating it!! He worked hard to stay here with you and cancer does not always stay in remission don’t regret anything or put it off time and love is precious. 

Post # 11
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think your guests would turn their noses up at this! Congrats! I would maybe say what a PP said and say since you feel so blessed with the bone marrow match and success that you want to bless your union in the church (or whatever religious organization you belong to!) and I would let people know that it is optional (since they may feel like they already say your vows) to attend the ceremony but all guests are welcome. That way no one feels excluded but they have an out to just attend the reception if they want it. I think asking for donations instead of gifts and maybe even donating in your guests names as a favor would be awesome. I think for the reception simply knowing your situation people will get why you want to celebrate. Again, congrats! 

Post # 12
315 posts
Helper bee

i think beating cancer is a great reason for a vow renewal, even if you had one recently. basically i agree with excitedtobeMRSF on how to approach it. congratulations on your husband beating cancer, and happy planning!

Post # 13
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@IAVMHERE2:  I think your loved ones would understand. Cancer is no joke and however a cancer survivor chooses to celebrate life trumps any etiquette. 

Post # 15
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Does he specifically want everyone there to celebrate with again?

Because running off to Paris to be married in a small chapel sounds like a fantastic idea to me. 

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