Post # 1
Hello everyone. I know vow renewals are usually for those married for long periods of time, but my husband proposed to me again and said he wants to do it again in the church this time. Now let me tell you some back story first as to what led to thiS proposal. On June 24th 2013 my husband was diagnosed with a rare lymphoma cancer with an average 18month life expectancy. We were crushed and scared, none of the oncologists in our area knew of this rare form or how to treat it and in the time waiting for a referral for out of network help my husband became desperately ill and he was sent urgently to Stanford Medical Hospital. He was there with a .07 white cell count and his life hung in the balance. I never left his side and on the 3rd day we were there he proposed to me again. I told him I would, but that we would start planning the day he was cancer free. He had his ups and way downs and on Thanksgiving eve 2013 we got a miracle, a 100% bone marrow match! Today even as I am here typing, my husband is at the City of Hope hospital recovering from his Bone Marrow/Stem Cell transplant. He is now going on 12 days Cancer Free and today he reminded me of the proposal and he said to start planning. I made a promise that day, and I intend on keeping it,I just don’t know how to do this in a way where it isn’t tacky. We just had a vow renewal in 2011 due to family being upset with our elopement in Las Vegas NV in 2009. I love my husband but he wants a full blown party with all the bells and whistles and I’m feeling like a private ceremony would be better. should I just Give him what would make him happy? Please help, what should I do?
Post # 3
@IAVMHERE2: Oh man. On the one hand: Cancer free, AND you want a religious ceremony as distinct from your original civil ceremony, and I get that. I really do.
On the other hand: a wedding and two vow renewals in five years? That’s… asking a lot of your guests. And of you, honestly- having just supported him through his illness, I imagine planning a big white wedding is not top of your to-do list.
Is there a way to do this that you think will make him happy and respect his wishes without establishing a precedent of remarrying each other every two and a half years? Maybe point out to him gently about how that could get a bit overwhelming as the years go on. Maybe an intimate vow renewal in church to rededicate yourselve to each other in your faith tradition following such a dark time, and then a big party with guests to celebrate his recovery, unrelated to the vow renewal?
Surely no one can doubt your commitment to him, after a wedding, a vow renewal, and sticking by him through a tough cancer fight in the first five years of your marriage. Are witnesses to the actual renewal what he wants, or is he just excited about a reason to celebrate now that he’s out from under the cloud of cancer?
But in the end, if this is what he really wants, and if you don’t mind the effort involved in giving it to him… to hell with tacky. I’d be delighted to have the loved ones I’ve lost to cancer back to lovingly judge their tackier decisions, and you can encourage anyone who gives him a hard time about it to think about just how much better it is to be snipping about his second vow renewal than attending his funeral.
Post # 4
I say have a wonderful wedding again – and have guests do donations in your husbands name to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society… Congrats on the new life together!
Post # 5
@IAVMHERE2: I say you throw the reception for all but:
– keep the vows very small just before- immediate fam and very closest friends.
– request no gifts, suggest donations to Cancer org as PP suggest.
I think beating cancer is plenty good reason to throw a big awesome party on its own, but I wouldnt make your whole extended circle listen to your vows for a 3rd time!
Post # 6
@IAVMHERE2: When it comes to beating cancer, I say throw etiquette, $, etc…out the window and do whatever makes you both happy. Follow your heart and have the wedding you want, if people judge – screw em’. I do agree with PP and think that a donation to yall’s charity of choice, which I assume is likely a lymphoma research charity, is the way to go.
Post # 7
Thank you all for your kind words of advice. I absolutely agree and think donations to a cancer research charity would be a great opportunity to give back.
Post # 8
Perhaps you could word something in a way to show that one of the motivations for repeating a vow renewal is a desire for a more religious context.
For some, that might move the thinking from … “wow, they sure like their vows a lot” to “they’ve had a difficult year and want to ‘bless’ their union in a different way.”
Post # 9
I agree with @montanamum: and @MrsMaverick13:
Do what makes your DH happy. If he wants a full blown party with all the bells and whistles that’s exactly what you should do. After everything that you have been through I think everyone will understand and be happy to celebrate with you both. I love the idea of inviting guests to donate to a lymphoma charity as well.
Congratulations on getting through what must have been an incredibly difficult time. Now, I agree with your DH- start planning! Peace, prayers and blessings to you both.
Post # 10
Yes give him whatever he wants!!! Wow congrats on beating it!! He worked hard to stay here with you and cancer does not always stay in remission don’t regret anything or put it off time and love is precious.
Post # 11
I don’t think your guests would turn their noses up at this! Congrats! I would maybe say what a PP said and say since you feel so blessed with the bone marrow match and success that you want to bless your union in the church (or whatever religious organization you belong to!) and I would let people know that it is optional (since they may feel like they already say your vows) to attend the ceremony but all guests are welcome. That way no one feels excluded but they have an out to just attend the reception if they want it. I think asking for donations instead of gifts and maybe even donating in your guests names as a favor would be awesome. I think for the reception simply knowing your situation people will get why you want to celebrate. Again, congrats!
Post # 12
i think beating cancer is a great reason for a vow renewal, even if you had one recently. basically i agree with excitedtobeMRSF on how to approach it. congratulations on your husband beating cancer, and happy planning!
Post # 13
@IAVMHERE2: I think your loved ones would understand. Cancer is no joke and however a cancer survivor chooses to celebrate life trumps any etiquette.
Post # 15
Does he specifically want everyone there to celebrate with again?
Because running off to Paris to be married in a small chapel sounds like a fantastic idea to me.