Post # 1
I posted about a year ago, about my engagement ring/proposal fiasco: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/engagement-ring-advice-2/#post-6638020. Summary: I was pressured into picking out my own e-ring, which I never wanted to do (no offense to those who do, and who probably think I’m nuts, I’m just super traditional/ridiculously old fashioned when it comes to this stuff), and I figured that he would do a really romantic proposal with it…but he just handed it to me one day super casual while I was getting ready in the bathroom…like it was just something he picked up at the grocery store, nothing special about it.
While it still kind of bothers me that he didn’t put forth any effort to propose, my issue currently is the ring itself. It’s a 3-stone diamond ring that I felt super pressured into. It’s big and blingy and not my style at all. It’s not a good ring to wear every day in my line of work either. I don’t want to wear a ring for the rest of my life that I feel no sentimental attachment to, nor do I see the point in having an engagement ring that just sits in a box.
I told him I would like to have the ring reset with the middle diamond in a pretty solitaire setting (maybe with a halo or something like that), and make the two side diamonds into a pair of diamond earrings. I was dropping hints about it for our 5 year anniversary, but either he didn’t get the hint, or just didn’t want to. I would like to have the ring reset…but I want HIM to put forth a little time and pick out the setting this time. I have no qualms about sending him a couple pictures with ideas of what I would like, but ultimately I would like to be surprised.
I should also mention, my parents own a local jewelry shop where we got the first ring, so the cost would be minimal, it’s just a little effort on his part 🙂
I don’t need a new proposal, a vow renewal, or anything like that. I just want a ring that I can wear, that makes me feel cherished when I look at it. What should I do?
Post # 2
I feel like if you’ve been married for 5 years, you don’t have to pussy foot around the subject anymore. Tell him you find it impractical and that you’re going to have it re set. IME men don’t take hints. You have to be direct with them.
Post # 3
Does your husband make you feel cherished in other ways?
3 years later, I still feel very meh about my ring, but I don’t really care anymore. It’s just an inanimate object and I wear it because it makes my husband happy to see me wearing it. He is proud of it and the real sacrifice is the one people don’t see… where he supported us while I went through an internship and finished university, etc…
I did get a small diamond band from him last Christmas that I like to pair up with my wedding band. I wear it all the time and he doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve pretty much left my e-ring in a box. Maybe you could ask for something like that from your husband… just explain that you’d like something you can wear all the time, especially at work, and if it can be worn with your wedding band, all the better.
Post # 4
Is he a good husband otherwise? Maybe he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. People don’t always wear their e-ring after awhile, so in theory, you could just wear your wedding band. If your e-ring bothers you so much, why don’t you just get it reset yourself?
Post # 5
cowgirl09: If your husband is like many men, he is goig to feel “meh” about being involved with this process. Just pick out a setting you love, reset, and go on with your life. Don’t try to force him into this, or you may end up feeling more resentful when he doesn’t put in the effort you want him to because he genuinely doesn’t “get” the big deal about a piece of jewelry.
Post # 6
cowgirl09: I would stop dropping hints and just sit down and talk to him about it. Bring pictures of exactly what you want (bring the exact product numbers if that’s possible), get all the info for contacting your parents jewelry shop (just so he has no excuses), and explain that it would mean so much to you if he took the time to do this….and that it would be a wonderful Christmas or Valentine’s Day gift.
Post # 7
You’ve tried the indirect approach and it didn’t work. If this is really important to you I think you need to clearly communicate exactly what you want; the same way you have done here, but with your husband. I agree with the other posters, he probably just isn’t clued into how important this is to you.
Post # 8
cowgirl09: I feel like you want to recreate the experience of him picking out an engagement ring for you since you didn’t get that the first time. My feeling is that if he didn’t do it when he actually proposed, there’s probably a reason (especially since you didn’t want to pick it yourself). It sounds like he really is not comfortable picking out jewelry for you- so I don’t think he’ll want to pick out your new setting either. I think you should just get it reset how you like it- it sounds like he’s just not a jewelry picking kind of guy, and it’s not really fair to like put him through a test of picking out a second setting when you might then not like that one either.
Post # 9
Some men just don’t get it. Since your family owns a jewelery store I’d just go myself to pick out a new setting and be done with it. At least that way you will be happy with your ring. You can’t expect your husband to go pick out a setting and surprise you if he isn’t a romantic type of guy. My husband is just about the least romantic as you can get so I understand where you are coming from. He basically just tells me to pick out something I want as a gift and he pays for it, that’s his idea of romance lol I’ve learned to accept that I will be picking out my own gifts for the rest of my life 🙂
Post # 10
I agree w/ppl – if u really do not care AT ALL about the style tell him to buy u a ring but be prepared cuz men often misunderstand our ideas and do not necedsarily even see the subtle differences in jewelry types/styles. BUT if u want a ring you will love pick it out/design it yoursrelf. Men are generally farless romantic or intuitive than we would like to belrive and most of those romantic notions are from fairy tales anyway (tho I know there r some exceptions) Once you have the ring give it to him and ask that he create a special date night to present it to you in a romantic way. Tell him it is important to you and it will be fun and a special memory. He couls get some ideas from the internet. That way you get what you want in a ring and hopefully he puts some effort into the experience of officially presenting the gift. You are both involved and it becomes a new memory to share.
Post # 11
You knew the kind of man you were marrying when he made you pick out the ring and he put no effort into proposing- he is not going to put any effort into picking out a setting. And obviously he is not listening when you tell him you want the ring reset, right? He doesn’t care about the ring–> If you want something done you are going to have to do it yourself.
And if you keep pushing him into picking the setting, he will half-ass it just to get it over with.
Post # 12
cowgirl09: He may just not want to get you another ring or reset the current one. Look at it from his perspective “You picked out that ring.” Yes you were pressued into doing so and didn’t feel comfortable, but perhaps he saw no issue with that, and now can’t understand why someone who picked out their own ring can’t love it? I read the previous post a bit, before coming and posting here. Unless you said in plain words “I don’t like this ring.” When you first picked it out than maybe he would have understand. It’s human nature to accidentally make mistakes and thing one thing and then realize it’s not really your style. But it’s been nearly if not 5 years. He’s not going to get any hints you drop because you’ve worn it for five years.
I think if you don’t like it, you change it. Don’t pressure him into making the change for you and then giving it to you some sentimental way. The past is the past, he didn’t propose to you in the way you thought he would, but that was five years ago…
Post # 13
I think he probably doesn’t give two sh*ts about having your diamond set in a new ring. To be honest, once most men propose I think they are over the ring business lol…
Just ask him if he’sokay with the change and do it yourself. I get the feeling it probably doesn’t interest him too much or he doesn’t get the significance so if it reallt bothers you, you may have to do this on your own
Post # 14
Men do not get subtle/hints just tell him exactly and explain your reasons for being unhappy with the ring as clearly as you can explain the cost and designs and tell him of the significance of this to you without hurting his feelings ,,goodluck
Post # 15
As much as you dream of having this romantic gesture, it’s unrealistic if the guy isn’t naturally romantic. You can’t force it. Just do it yourself. Let go of the fantasy and get the ring you’ve always wanted