Post # 1
I have a dilemma and need some advice. We just finished our guest list and after adding everyone up…we will have over 500 people invited to the wedding and reception. Our venue where the reception will take place only seats 175 people. We plan to have one if not two tents outside and there is also a shelter where more tables could be placed (counting on nice weather). I have talked to my FMIL numerous times regarding the guest list and have asked that she stop adding people but she seems to think more the merrier. My mom, fiance, FMIL, and I will be getting together next week to discuss the guest list. Is it wrong for me to ask her to take people off her list? Her and my FFIL have over 200 people on their list as of now. My mom isn’t inviting people she wants because my FMIL has invited so many people already! Ugh, frustrating!!!
FYI: Many large weddings have taken place at this venue without any issues with seating…but it still worries me to invite 500 people to such a small place. We are from a very small town and this is where my fiance and I have always wanted our reception so choosing a different venue is not an option.
Post # 3
I would either pick a new venue or put your foot down and tell your MIL to stop inviting everyone she knows. This situation is just going to be uncomfortable for your guests. It wouldn’t be a big deal if it was a couple dozen extra people than the venue fits, but its literally hundreds.
Post # 4
Regardless, you’re FILs don’t have the right to monopolize the guest list. I would definiately tell them to make some serious cuts. If you’re not willing to cut the guestlist, I don’t think you have much of a choice but to change venues.
ETA: The best way to cut your list is to tell FMIL you’re only giving her XX invites and she can chose who she wants there.
Post # 5
I would be worried about finding seating for all of your guests as well as possible fire code regulations. You’re inviting almost 3 times as many people as you can realisticaly accommodate.
I would definitely cut back the guest list.
Post # 6
You either need a bigger venue or a smaller guest list. If your MIL is paying, perhaps she should get more say in who is invited, but that still doesn’t mean she can go overboard.
Post # 7
I actually disagree with her having more of a say if she is paying. Generally when parents help out it is a gift. I think you SHOULD take what she says into consideration, but that does not mean you have to do it.
If someone is going to expect me to do whatever they want because they are paying for something, I don’t want them paying for it. Period.
If your venue only seats 175, then you have a whole lot of invitation revoking to do!
Post # 8
I speak from experience. It sucks being a guest seated in a separate area from the wedding party. Not only do you feel segregated and miss out on things like the speeches, but you also are acutely aware that you were a less important guest.
Please either find a bigger venue or make some drastic cuts to both sides of the guest list.
Post # 9
This is why it’s important to have a pretty firm idea of the guest list before booking a venue.
Like PP’s said – cut the guest list or move the reception.
Post # 10
My mom isn’t inviting people she wants because my FMIL has invited so many people already
this s a guest list right? how is she inviting anyone? if your FMIL is stupid enough to verbally invite people at this stage of the game then its her red face when she has to apologize to them later on
put your foot down now
Post # 11
@MapleMoose: I agree. I’ve experienced being sat in the overflow section completely seperated from the wedding party and close family. We all felt totally unwanted and completely missed out on all the important events and speeches. Everyone seated in that section left as soon as possible because we all felt unwanted.
Either cut the guest list or get a different venue.
Post # 12
Agreed with everyone else…you need to cut down the list or find a new venue. If you invite 500 and the venue only holds 175, they could stop letting guests in the actual building (due to fire codes). What would you do if the weather was bad and you couldn’t use the tents? I used to be a catering manager, and trust me, it’s always a bad idea to invite more people than you have room for…it always backfires somehow in the end! 🙁
Post # 13
Your mom should not be missing out on inviting people because of FMIL. You need to just tell FMIL that her and FI get to use half of the seats. Thats about 85 people. That’s it that’s all. Tell her that everyone after number 85 on that list will not be invited.
Post # 14
Please don’t seat me outside in a tent here I miss the action… Not fair! An extra 50 people pushing it, but this is just asking for trouble. It’s hard to be firm, I have this problem myself, but this is over the top
Post # 14
I would go for the reduction……..
I would be offended kind of at a 500 person wedding. I would imagine I would barely be able to see, be segregated and also probably not have a second with the bride and groom. Rather impersonal. but at the end of the day you do what you gotta do!
Best of luck!
Post # 15
I think you and your FI should do the guest list down yourselves, based on the people you genuinely know and wish to share in your day, who will fit comfortably in your venue.
Then you could share this with both sets of parents and say you can have 175 people, and this is your suggested guest list. If either set of parents want to add more people, they need to remove others (who are related to them!) Either way, the guest list needs to stay at 175.