Post # 1
My husband and I attended a wedding in April and gave a cash gift. Since then, we haven’t heard anything. I noticed that the bride made a post on Facebook a few months back along the lines of, “Found my thank-you cards!” …and then…nothing.
I attended and gave a gift at her bridal shower in February, and received a card a few weeks later.
Now I’m in an awkward spot. If they hadn’t been so prompt with the shower thank-you, I’d figure they were just taking their good old time. But now that it’s been half a year, I’m wondering if they even received our card or if it was lost in the fold.
So, is it ever appropriate to ask if someone received your gift, or is it better left in the ether – risking the chance that they’re stewing because they think you didn’t give them anything?
I’ve never been in this situation before. The first few months, it was, “Okay…maybe they’re just getting to it…”
Of course, I’m a little pissed that they can’t do the basic courtesy of writing, “Thanks for the gift, it was great seeing you,” on a card (this is generally what most people seem to write in their thank you cards, and that’s about it) after six months.
More than that, I’m wondering if there isn’t some huge rift because of a gift that didn’t make it to them when there never needed to be one.
Post # 3
Hm, I think you’re reading way too much into it…
1) I’ve heard of couples that take a year to write thank you notes! I personally think that’s horrible, but I can’t judge because my wedding hasn’t happened yet. You never know what’s going on in their lives or how busy they got after the wedding. I personally hope to get them out within weeks to 1 month! Still, I don’t think you should be pissed about not being thanked for a present.
2) Why don’t you just call her and ask her how she’s been? How’s life after wedding? Was just curious if you received my card? This way you can find out if they did, and you can explain if they didn’t….if they did, it’ll serve as a friendly reminder to send out those thank you cards!
Post # 4
@CookieCreamCakes: Regardless of what other people say- I would tastefully find a way to ask if they recieved the card.
I know some people might find it tacky, but depending on exactly who the person was- I would just email them or something (or call, if you’re closer!).
This year, I didn’t get a birthday card from my dad or my grandparents (the grandparents- I expected to either forget or be late because they are very old and have enough issues going on!)– but I did ask my dad about it- because there have been times where my dad has seen my grandparents, they have given my card to my dad- and then it gets lost on my dad’s desk and forgotten about. I wanted to make sure they got a thank you!! So I asked my dad- and they hadn’t given him one yet, but he ended up asking them about it and I got a few weeks later in the mail. Might seem wierd, I know- but I know how things work over here.
Tell them that while you haven’t recieved a thank you, and you’re OK with that (a little white lie won’t hurt)- you want to make sure they recieved your card and enclosed gift.
Truth is- gifts DO go missing, mail DOES get lost- so you might want to check to make sure!! They’re the only ones who look like an ass if they got it and didn’t send a thank you!
Post # 5
Since it was a cash gift, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to casually ask the couple something like “we left a card with a gift in your card box (or wherever you put it) and just wanted to check that it found its way to you!”
For all you know, there’s a stack of cards hiding in a box somewhere that they don’t even know exist, and you might be prompting them to go look through their stuff.
Post # 6
@CookieCreamCakes: It should never take a year to send out thank you cards. That’s absolutely ridiculous. Maybe I will start taking a year to give a gift and see if the marriage lasts first 😛
In this case, I would say something. In the future though, you should write a cheque instead of giving actual cash. That way you know when they get it!
Post # 7
@CookieCreamCakes: I agree- but April?? While life is super busy- by waiting THAT long to write thank yous- it’s basically saying that the gifts that were given aren’t that importnant and it’s an afterthought. After work, relationship and kids (if you have one already)- Thank You cards after a wedding should hit the top of the list (before, shopping, the gym, socializing, etc….)- I know they SEEM like they will take forever, but you don’t have to write a novel. It’s simple acknowledgement. I just cranked out almost 20 in and hour last week for my shower (which is a reminder that I have to finish them!!)
Post # 8
Thanks, I think I’ll casually find a way to ask. My husband’s adamantly against it and thinks nothing should be said at all. We haven’t seen the couple much since the wedding – to be honest I don’t know if that’s because they’re still in that “We’re married! Woo!” fog or if it’s more along the lines of, “They didn’t get us ANYTHING…”
I was a little exaggerated in my initial post and I fully know that things can get lost in the mail, a message didn’t get passed on, etc. They’re both occasionally scatter-brained and it wouldn’t shock me if they’ve had a filled out card laying around for months (the much more likely scenario, tbh, with this group – I highly doubt it got lost in the mail, but who knows).
For those thinking I’m simply getting petty over a card – it’s not the card as much as the fact that it leaves me in an awkward gray area and puts the onus of “So…did you get?” on my shoulders. I have to be the one to bring it up and face the awkwardness instead. THAT is where the anger lies. I’m sure that if they did get the gift, they appreciated it.
Post # 9
@MrsEME: I’m with you. I had all of my thank you cards done and out for my wedding within a week. Not that it has to be that quick, but three months is the generally accepted guideline, and I don’t get how people can’t meet that. I shouldn’t be left scratching my head, going, “What did I give them again…?” because it’s been so long since the wedding.
And I actually put a lot into my cards, so it was surprising when we attended others weddings this year and they were literally, “Thanks for your generous gift, we appreciated having you at our wedding. Sincerely, Bride and Groom.” It makes it even more difficult to accept the months-on-end “rule.”
Post # 10
I would be concerned about the gift not being received, especially if they were prompt with the other thank you’s.. but I’m not sure how I’d approach it. I’d probably confirm it was received and not care too much about them thinking I was being rude or fishing for a thank you.
I gave a generous cash gift for my ‘best friends’ wedding and didn’t get a formal or informal thank you. Truthfully after reading your post, it could’ve very well never been received by her. But she knows I brought an envelope so I’m thinking she just never felt the need to thank me or anyone else.