6 months to go and I realize I don't want a wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

What’s your music selection?  Changing the music to better reflect you two is an easy thing to do.  I’d suggest modifying your table arrangements, loosen up the flowers (less compact more casual).  Things like that are easier to change than the whole thing.  I envy you for getting to pull out all the stops, but one things I’ve learned from watching (and being part of) lots of weddings is that unless for literlly hire people to do everything for you and all you have to do is show up, every wedding is a bundle of stress and nerves.  The difference is how well it’s hidden.  I’d say give up looking at other people’s weddings and magazines and comparing your to theirs.  You’re not seeing the behind the scenes drama and setting up unrealistic expectations.  

The biggest thing that determines the mood of a wedding is the mood of the couple. If you’re genuinely in love and having a good time your guests will follow.

Post # 4
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@skippydarling:  Let me just say this- I had VERY similar feelings as you- my FI and I have this amazing, awesome relationship, but we aren’t these over-the-top-doey-eyes lovers who are going to poetically express (anything!) in front of other people.

I don’t want to get into the whole story of how we got here, but here’s the deal:  our venue is a mansion.  It’s elegant.  I feel like it’s “grand” and and it’s sets the scene for elegant.

Our guest list was all over the place- but we ended up seding invites to 90 or so people (!!!!)

We are super laid back in general- so we sort of have this going on:  formal-chill.

I guess you could say this is a formal affair because I have this grand, formal dress, he’s going to wear a Vera Wang tux- we’re going to look SHARP (hopefully!!)

Yes, we are having yummy food, yes, we are having a DJ, yes, we are having open bar.  We’re getting married by a friend.  We aren’t doing a first dance.  We aren’t cutting the cake (because we are having cake pops!), we aren’t taking any garters off of anyone.

We are all going to be dressed up, but have this super laid back, have a few cocktails (no plated dinner- just heavy food, including butler passed)- and have a good time.


I don’t have any specific suggestions to make it “yours”- except to feel good with the decisions you make.  The BMs (Weddingbee helped me make this decision) are going to have beautiful wrist corsages instead of bouquets, we’re not having stuffy flower arangements on the tables.  The BMs got to pick thier own dresses (the only requirement was black)- they get to pick all of thier own accessories- 

I didn’t want our wedding to be stuffy and super formal, either- so we are trying to keep it the happy medium!

Post # 5
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015


Your wedding sound really beautiful and laid back. I love the heavy apps and cake pops idea.

OP, it looks like your small wedding reflects who you are. What about it doesn’t feel true to you and your fiance?

When I was engaged, my mother was trying to force a huge wedding on my husband and I. It made me sick to my stomach to think of the horse drawn carriage and nearly 200 guests. This is why we eloped.

Our vow renewal will be intimate yet have many wedding elements. It still feels like us because it is small.

Post # 6
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

With our wedding we stuck to what was important to us. The food- we picked our favorites, our favorite locally brewery on tap, picked songs that we special to us. If something isn’t that important to you don’t include it (we skipped a lot of the “traditional” things because we don’t care for them).

Good luck!

Post # 7
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I just want to say….your venue IS FABULOUS!

I really don’t have any advice for you. We’ll be having a big wedding–the unfortunate side effect of having big families. It makes me wish I wanted to elope. But I want to wear the pretty white dress and celebrate with family and friends. Ugh.

Can you make the dresscode casual? Or have the caterer do some more casual food? Like BBQ or fancy pizzas?

And like PP said, pick whatever music speaks to you!

And decorations…bring some of yourself to the table!

I think you can make it your own, and have a beautiful wedding that you love in your fabulous venue 🙂

Post # 8
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@skippydarling:  I hear ya, girlfriend!  My biggest concern for my wedding is that it’s going to look and feel the same as everyone else’s and that totally freaks me out! i want it to be about US with OUR family and OUR friends, doing things WE like. 

I agree with the music selection – that definitely will set a mood/feel for your gathering.  I want to talk down the aisle to The Final Countdown, becuase it makes me giggle and it means something to FI and I.  I want to have good home-cooked meal (not fancy!) and booze and a photobooth – for memory-making.  I want guests to say, “that was so THEM!”

I’m kind of following a ‘traditional’ template – but putting a spin on the different pieces, to make it our own. 

WHO are you two? What do you love? What makes you smile and laugh? What makes you swoon? Add some of those elements and it’ll become your day 🙂

Post # 9
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

A 30-50 person wedding is going to feel very intimate, and really the vibe’s that you & FI have on that day are going to set the tone. If you want laid back then don’t do a super-scheduled-event filled reception. Use the smaller details to your advantage. Pick favors & a cake topper that are really “you”, do an alternative guest book, pick music that reflects your tastes, do a funny signature cocktail – whatever – if all the little details reflect your personality then it’ll all come together. Having a beautiful formal wedding in no way means you’re taking yourselves too seriously.

Post # 10
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I felt the same, that a big wedding wasn’t “us” but rather us playing dress up. So we had a 30+ people affair, DH used a suit he already had and I got a dress that didn’t feel too bridal. I also skipped the veil and other typical bridal things, like garters and such. I still think we would have had a great wedding had it been just the two of us, but similar to you I would have felt dreadful not including grandma. She’s really happy with how it all turned out, so that’s what I’m trying to focus on whenever I feel like we could have done it differently.

My best advice, keep it casual (our dress code was smart casual and that really worked for our guests) and don’t go over board with the decorations!

Post # 11
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@skippydarling:  sweetie breaht it will be ok 


it does not have to be stuffy all put to get her take your self to serious kinda thing 


don’t do all the traditions if its not you wear a differnt colour dress (assuming you didnt buy one alreayd)  that space is fun and pretty and you can dress it up like all perfect wedding ie or you can do it up playful whimisical and not to overly wedidngy 


you dont have to have a cake … have a sweet table dont do the thing that give you stress … i know what you mean i wanted to elope to but being an only child raised by a single mom who gave up so much for me and has also been dream of this i am i amd wearing 2 dresses (maybe i havnt naielddown hati  want yet) but one is gonna be very white pretty formal for my mom then party dress is gona be more silly edgy out there wierd like me 


toss in werid touches that are not wwddign at all dont do speaches jsut have good food make it like a bbq (not the food if u sont want that kind) but a big family dinner with friends … nothing more or like when u go to a pretty restruant for a birthday thinl of it like just a cleebation ith famuly where someoene else is cooking 

Post # 12
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Make this wedding all about you!! First, with only 30 – 50 people it can be very intimate and personel. Can you write a little Thank You note to every guest (maybe at their place setting)? Choose personel music. Spend time with each guest. It doesn’t need to be cookie cutter, you can make it very “you” and it sounds like it has potential to be almost like a fabulous dinner party for your nearest and dearest.

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