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Is it still available for you? Did you totally lose it?
If your parents are beating around the bush, could you afford to put the deposit down yourself? I know that could end up with you stepping on your parent's toes, but it could also be a stand to say "if you can't help me, I am going to have to help myself." I don't blame you for being nervous and anxious about this! But, try to stay calm, come up with a logical and easiest approach and just move! Best of luck :)
It sounds like your dad thinks he's in a standoff with this lady. If you want the venue, contact them yourself and put down the minimum they'll take to hold it and start the bal rolling. You definitely need to find out ASAP if the venue will still work for you - as I'm sure you already know!
Since you have a May wedding, could you find a park or somewhere outdoors that would be available? If you already have a caterer, linens, and dishes, there wouldn't be too much more that you would need to get. Or would your church/ceremony site be able to hold the reception as well?
Wow! I can see why you're frustrated! I'd be freaking out at 6 weeks till and no venue! I hope everything works out for you!
Let's see. You like the place and it's not expensive. Give her your credit card and be done with it. And get a written contract on what's included / acceptable.
wow, dad. seriosuly?! i would be so pissed. it doesnt seem like he is excited about the wedding?
It's time you sit down and talk with them. This is really getting out of hand. Tell him how much stress he is giving you and you really want to be able to enjoy this time. If he unwilling to change it is time you took your wedding back, put the deposit down your self and plan away.
ummm in my opinion this is out of your hands really. I think the only way you can get things done is if you put the money up for it yourself. So just go put the credit card down if you don't have the money this instant. Then tell your parents you did that and maybe they will see what they have been doing wrong and they will make the rest of the decisions faster.
At this point, I'd have either a friend who just got married or a volunteer from the church you're marrying at (maybe the ladies who do the church wedding coordination) to agree to speak w/your mom and dad. Best bet would be have the wedding planner speak to him.
It's not a standoff. It's a requirement to have the wedding there. Maybe if somebody else who has recently gone through the wedding process or is very familiar with dealing with venues could tell him? If it were me, I'd have my planner (if you have one) speak with him gently.
Thanks guys! Update!: We have officially lost the venue :( the lady called and said that they will be opening up the resturant that night and they will not be using it at all anymore for "Venue reasons". What a bunch of crap in my oppinion! But theres not much we can do.
Well I would LOVE to just slap down a credit card but me nor my FI have credit cards. We pay cash for everything. We are still students and are up to our heads in student Loan debt. We've cut up every credit card and refuse to use them. We really dont need our credit score getting any worse.
We are already the ones who have paid the majority of this wedding includeing Decorations, center pieces, invites, postage, BM dress, guest books, material..... everything that is not the big things. And its really really adding up! (Plus we are parents already to our son, going to school full time and working and supporting ourselves. Which Im very proud of but its hard!)
Yesterday morning us and my parents went out looking for venues. Im feeling super hurt because my dad went from something SO nice to "The fraternal order of police" to another crappy looking building. I mean I dont want to sound not appriciative but when you had your dreams coming true right infront of you then 6 weeks before it gets taken away so rudely it hurts. He just seems so desperate. And my mom isnt making it anything better. All she keeps saying to me is "Your dads blood pressure is really high and I know its because of this wedding". Like its MY fault! She always trys to make me feel sorry for him. I dont. Im sorry that my be mean, cruel whatever but hes not the nicest of guys. And shes a SUPER submitive wife. Im thankful. Really I am. Im just a bride who feels like shes getting the SUPER short end of the stick. And freaking out!
Omg what a rough situation!! Are you in the same area as them? Can you help them find one, or maybe make some phone calls? I think that this is an instance where it would be worth it to use a credit card, if you can get one on short notice, or whatever you have (savings? cushion in a checking account?) to secure a venue. You mentioned its near a lake... Is there a venue run by the parks department or something of that nature, that would show off the beautiful scenery and be in a similar location?
It sounds like one of three things is going on here, and they all have to do with your passive aggressive father:
1. Your dad is/was freaking out about the cost of the wedding. He doesn't have the money and getting into an altercation with the venue owner allowed him to 'save face'...now it's her fault for not offering him a good deal, instead of his for not paying.
2. Your dad has issues about you marrying your fiancee, and this is his passive aggressive way of dealing with it.
3. Your dad has issues about you being too young/not established enough to get married. Again, this is a passive-aggressive way for him to deal with it. Sabotaging your wedding is probably easier for him then telling you about his fears.
That's my two cents.
Also you are not responsible for your dad's blood pressure. Don't let your mom guilt you with that. This is your WEDDING. It's supposed to be a happy day. If it's making stress for them, that is their issue, not yours. Don't let them hold that over your head like you are some sort of evil-stressmaker. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE CREATING THIER OWN STRESS.
Beachbrideamy I think you hit the nail on the head with your Number 1 reason. Its not that they "dont" have the money its that he wants me, my mom and everyone else to think they "Dont" have the money. I dont mean to sound rude towards him but last night I went shopping with my mom and MADE her buy and dress and a purse for herself on sale at target! But my dad will buy pretty much anything he really needs. It really bugs me. But anywho yes I think your exactly right.
Beachbrideamy I think you hit the nail on the head with your Number 1 reason. Its not that they "dont" have the money its that he wants me, my mom and everyone else to think they "Dont" have the money. I dont mean to sound rude towards him but last night I went shopping with my mom and MADE her buy and dress and a purse for herself on sale at target! But my dad will buy pretty much anything he really needs. It really bugs me. But anywho yes I think your exactly right.
Kare- I'm so sorry the venue fell through. How straightforward have you been with your dad up to this point? Because it sounds like you might need to stage a "intervention" style confrontation with him. Either he gets his act together NOW, or you may end up with no venue at all. It is far too late for him to be playing these games and leaving you in this limbo. Confront him and force him to make a decision. At this point any venue at all would be better than nothing- but you need to show him how much his actions are hurting you. Cry, yell, whatever, but make him understand that he can't be so cavalier about what is potentially the most important day of your life. He needs a wake up call fast.
Kare--your parents sound a lot like mine as far as money goes. I KNOW their salaries and that they have enough money to afford a wedding and other things, but they keep up with this public charade like they're poor and wait till the last second to agree to pay for things that are really important, sometimes screwing everyone over in the process because costs go up, things become available, etc. I'm so sorry about this situation and I sincerely hope that you can find a lovely venue at the last minute. Have you considered doing it outside at a park or some other beautiful outdoors location and having picnic-y food, so that it might not cost that much?
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time. I don't have any specific advise really, but just remember that at the end of your wedding day what is most important is that you are marrying the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
It doesn't sound to me like you ARE one bit appreciative by all the posts you've written about your parents and them being 'cheap'. THEIR money is not YOUR money, and its presumptuous of you to assume what they can and cannot afford to do with it. Contrary to popular belief,your parents don't owe you anything at this point in your life. You have a 2 year old and are living with your BF whose family isn't involved or interested in your lives at all. Everything then becomes your family's responsibility? What about the two of you having and paying for this wedding that you want? If you can't afford it,then maybe you'll have to wait longer and save the money for it.
@Smyley: I understand where your coming from...Really I do. BUT I we have paid for EVERYTHING So far. Including my girls' dresses, invites, EVERYTHING. We re 6 weeks away and they havnt put down a dime. I dont feel as though I can trust that they really do want to throw a wedding. You dont know them and you dont know me. Please dont go judging. I am a very very appriciative person. But when people say they are going to do something and then dont follow through it makes me irritated. They need to just come out and SAY "hey we cant affored this wedding. We're sorry' and be done with it. But me and my FI have put down alot of money to help them out and we have yet to see ANYTHING in return. You dont know their salaries. I do. You dont know my dad and OHHH I do. You can call me selfish when need be. But it sounds like you follow up on me on here so please get the facts straight. Sorry to sound snarky. I do understand your point some...but common, lets not judge what we do not know.
Everyone on here only knows what you tell them, so how is it possible to not make a judgment based on what you write? One side of any story should always be looked at with a little speculation, don't you agree?
If your parents promised you a wedding that they would be fully responsible for paying for, then yes, they should hold up their end of the bargain. Can you force them into it? Probably not. At this point since its so close to the date and they aren't paying,what choice do you have except to either cancel it for now or pay for it yourselves?
Another thing too, we are having a DJ. Its a guy my dad works with. Great! Im fine with that. And this guy is doing it for free. Double great! The only thing is, that I have been told I wont meet this guy till the wedding. So no giving him a list of songs to play. No specific first song. Nothing. And when I ask when I will get to meet him I get a look that Im crazy for even asking. We're also getting the cake for free too. I love square cakes thats what I wanted a tiffany blue square cake with a simple white robbon going around it. I got notified yesterday about my Round flowery cake that my parents discussed with her. But whatever. We are ALSO getting our linnens, plates, silverwear, cake stand, glasses, and table runners all for free too! I truely do feel so, SO blessed for all the "Connections" my parents have.
But really, we are 6 weeks away with no photographer, or venue or food menue. The only things they were paying for. And the photographer is just a student so Im not stressing too much because we wont have to worry about him/her being booked. But so far we dont know what food to feed our guests or where to feed them. This isnt about what I want and what they are doing. Yeah its hurts a little bit that Im barely apart of the planning in the major details but I can get over that. What I cant get over is them saying one thing and doing (or not doing) another.
Thanks guys if your still following this!!!!!!!! =)
Yes I agree Smyley. And really I do see what your saying. Its just more complicated then paying for it ourselves. Or else I would. Really, I would LOVE to be able to do this on my own.
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So Im getting SUPER irritated with my parents. I am lucky enough to have them pay for my wedding. (Even though Ive bought everything so far) and they are getting the major stuff, officiant fees, catering and venue. Well we had a venue. A beautiful resturant on a lake that goes out into lake michigan. At first the manager said that we need our own caterer so luckly we had a family member who does catering and they said they would do it. We also are lucky enough to know some one whos giving us all the dishes and linens for free too. Well Im getting a little mad at my dad because he hasnt paid this manager yet for the venue. No down payment or nothing. We looked at it about 2 months ago and my dad told her we wanted it. Well I think this lady is getting a little suspicious of my dad and now my dad feels shady about her. The lady calls him and tells him she would like to do the catering. Well now my dad wants her to beat the price that we are already getting of feeding 150 people for about $1000. Which is a GREAT price. So obviously this manager probably wont beat it. So now my dad is saying he thinks the lady is going to say "You have to use my catering or you cant have it here". Well since my dad never paid a dime to this lady or signed nothing she can do that. Its honestly his own fault. She cant book the place until SOMETHING is put down on it. My parents havnt put a dime down on anything! Well our invites are already printed and have this place listed as the reception site. The invites that I, Me, myself and I bought. And what does my mom say??? "oh dont worry we can just buy new ones and print them out" UMMMMM WHAT?!?!?!?! Yeah I did get a great deal on them but for real?!?!?!?!
So now here we are 6 weeks till the wedding and no venue. Im seriously getting sick of them beating around the bush with this whole wedding. If any of you have read my previous posts then youve read other stories about them.....gah!