6 years. No reason. No timeline. Heartbroken and hurting.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@capcathink:  do you want to marry him because you actually want to spend the rest of your life with him, or because you feel 6 years is long enough?  If you were engaged, would that make you happy in your relationship?  I can’t tell if he’s the one for you or if you just expect more.  

Post # 4
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@capcathink:  To be honest, I think if you moved out of the home you were sharing with him and got your own apartment, and he was okay with that, your walk date has come and gone. I’m so sorry. I don’t think there’s any point in waiting around any longer. If what you want from life is a husband and a home and whatever else is important to you, it sounds like he is not the person you’re going to have those things with. Either he’s the kind of person who never wants to marry, or he knows that you aren’t The One and just hasn’t wanted to say it, which SUCKS because he’s been wasting your time instead of manning up and being honest. I’m so sorry you’re in pain over this. I honestly believe that there’s a better man out there for you, who will want what you want and be over the moon at the idea of marrying you. I would urge you to tell him it’s over and move on with your life.

Post # 5
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think he wants to marry you. 

He may not be telling you what’s on his mind, but his actions, and inaction, speak loud and clear. He’s had plenty of time to propose to you and marry you. He’s had plenty of time to work past any issues he may have with marriage. He’s had plenty of time, period. 

Because of how he’s acted, I wouldn’t think marrying him was a good idea even if he did propose to you. 

I think it’s time to cut your losses and end the relationship. Honestly, if I was you I wouldn’t even have another talk with him about timelines and proposals. He’s had six years worth of talks; you’ve given him enough slack. 

I think you should end the relationship and move on. Your time is too valuable to continue putting up with his nonsense.  

Post # 7
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@capcathink:  Here is how I see it. You are expecting to get married. He hasn’t made any moves or given any hints in that direction. You need to either change you expectations (keep dating, but realize that there may never be a marriage) or you should find someone who will meet your expectations. Leaving someone after 6 years is hard, but if you want a marriage (and kids) and he isn’t going to do that with you, then you should look for someone who will.

Post # 8
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Everything that the PP said…. plus I’d start working on yourself.  Join a gym, take up a hobby, travel because it sounds like you’ve been doing alot of things for someone else (so your the cool girlfriend) and not for yourself.  

Post # 9
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@capcathink:  I think guys who at least have an inkling of getting engaged to the person they’re dating would look at her and think, “maybe she could be a wife”. it’s troubling that at year 4 he never saw you in that way. Maybe he’s not ready for marriage, period. Either way, based on what you’ve written, I unfortunately don’t see him changing much, his inaction is speaking loud and clear. 

Post # 10
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

@capcathink:  I think, if he let you move out without fuss, that’s a huge sign that he doesn’t want to marry you.  

Post # 12
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@capcathink:  I think if he hasn’t given you a reason to stay, you should leave.  Do you really think he’s likely to surprise you with a proposal?

This is your life too. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want or in wanting to know if you are wasting your time..

Talk to him and tell him you need to know where he stands and what he’s thinking.  If he doesn’t know when or if he wants to marry you, he needs to tell you that straight up.  if he says he does want to marry you, then he should be able to give you a firm idea of when.  Stress that he needs to be true to himself and honest with you.  He shouldn’t say he wants what he thinks you want just to keep you.

if he is vague, then I think you have your answer  and you need to move on unless you want to continue on as you are indefinitely.

i think it was smart and brave of you to move out. 

Post # 13
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@capcathink:  i think if he was ready to marry you, he would have asked by now.  with that said, you are both still young.  perhaps you should enjoy your prime before settling down.

Post # 14
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

You know how they say “Be good at your job, but not *too* good, or you’ll never be promoted?”

You’ve been way too cool of a girlfriend. And now that’s the job you’ve gotten to keep. I’d tender my resignation, so to speak, and look for someone who’s as good a fit, but willing to offer a little more in the way of upward mobility.

He may not see you as wife material because you’ve been kind of a doormat about it. I understand the rationale here, but as I see it, you have one more chance to make your case, and it’s going to have to be loud and clear. Besides, where has beating around the bush and being coy gotten you so far? So be firm. Tell him the terms you are willing to agree to and let him know that the time for compromise is over. Not an ultimatum, though–the idea is to not let him give you an answer right away. Make him take a week to think about it. During this week, have no contact with him. Make him think about what he wants. Let him know that you aren’t going to force him to marry you–but that if you’re going to stay together, you WILL be getting married. You aren’t taking away his choice: he can always say no and the two of you can break up. But you are telling him what you will and will not settle for. It’s been plenty long enough for him to know whether he wants to be with you, and you’re entitled to know one way or the other.

 

Recommended reading: Women Men Love, Women Men Leave; Why Men Marry Bitches.

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with prior posters that it doesn’t seem as if your SO really wants to marry you.

It sounds from your post as if you’ve taken some very important steps to move forward in your own life without him (pursuing your relationship with God, moving out from your shared living arrangement into your own apartment.) Both of those are very good things.

As @HisIrishPrincess: advised, now would be a great time to focus on some additional things in your own life.  In doing that, you not only will be helping yourself to move beyond this stagnant relationship but also you will be positioning yourself better to meet a man who shares your faith, values, and life goals.

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