My fiancee isn't that involved and it kinda pisses me off since it was his idea to have a bigger wedding then I wanted. We are about 3 months away and I've gotten a majority of the stuff done, but it irritates me that he doesn't help when most of this was his idea...ugh. thanks for letting me vent.
i've assigned things to him, they get pushed off to the side. at least last night i got him to go round corners and now he's going to go the post office to get stamps.
He's taking care of tuxes, picking out his mother/son dance song, providing moral support (as in, "do you like this?!?!" and he says "Yes, thats cute") and showing up at the altar.
Like PP's said, my FI really likes specific tasks/lists. Dont just in passing say "I wish you would help out more"...just say:
I'd like you to do this, this this and this. Please. By next week.
I usually e mail my FI (even if he's sitting right next to me haha) lists and he gets them done...unless its written on a post it, or e mailed to him a couple times, it doesnt get done.
i email my FI lists too penguin! haha, he doesn't like them, but he is good about getting most things on the list done by the "deadline" i set for him. he's been pretty involved with the whole process, meeting and choosing different vendors, and doing the diy projects. the only thing he hasn't been involved in is the girly stuff, like wedding gown shopping, picking out bridesmaid dresses, etc. otherwise, he's been such a big help!
I had to give my hubby lists. After about flipping out on him the 80th time.... I knew I had to do something to get through to him. And I always kept two copies... one in my planning notebook and one for him... so he knew I couldn't say that I didn't give him that task to do.
He helped with invitation assembly. He ran errands (go pay this deposit, pick this thing up. etc) the two weeks prior to the wedding. But seriously.
I did most of everything & procrastinated on some stuff & didn't even get everything done.
I tried giving mine lists -- they just sat there. He paid for the honeymoon, but I did all of the research on it. The only thing he seems remotely interested in is the music, but after giving me his ideas, I have to put it all together. We are 90 days out and he hasn't looked at tuxes, wedding bands, or anything else. Ugh.
He's been surprisingly helpful, for he wants to help try to keep my stress at a managable level :) I'm so grateful for him!
I have found that asking him to do specific tasks, asking his opinion on various things and bringing him to vendor meetings has helped keep him interested. I've also found that if I natter about weddings ALL the time, then he's less likely to be interested. It's good to balance both of your interests :)
My FI has been very very very helpful, and has done anything & everything to keep me from being stressed (we're building a house at the same time AND im taking 4 online classes while working fulltime and planning the wedding lol) he has been AMAZING.
He was the first one to ask me about flowers and colors and whatnot. and told me what he likes and what he doesnt like. I dont know what I would have done if he wasnt helping so much! I'd go crazy! lol
My FI has been involved in probably 99% of all the wedding planning/decisions. The only thing I refused to let him be involved in was my wedding dress. He designed and assembled probably 70% of the invitations. He designed our table lanterns that has the table number and menus in english and chinese and assembled about 50% of them. Pretty much he is soooo involved that sometimes I wish I could make one decision without some input from him. :) Granted his comments do normally make sense. :( But I guess I'd rather have him involved than totally not involved. Yes, I know i'm lucky! hehehe
My FI has been really involved. He is pretty picky about a lot of things (as am I, good thing we generally agree about what we like) and so has helped choose fonts, colors, paper, candles, flowers, menu, wines, cake... He is not terribly crafty, but is really meticulous about the things he does, and so has helped with quite a bit of our DIY. We clear off the dining room table, get out all the bits and pieces, and once I show him how it goes he does a great job. He's not fast, but everything he assembles is absolutely perfect. And he's having loads of fun with our projects, which makes it all more fun for me. We put DMB on the stereo, pour a little wine, and have a great time. I'm going crazy this weekend because all the bits and pieces of the invitations have arrived from the printer, and he's away at his bachelor party golf weekend, but he was horrified that I would even think of assembling them without him... so I have to wait until Monday night!
My guy is there every step of the way. He wants everything to be perfect and is absolutely amazing! We made our invites together, we are arranging the music for the wedding together, we are making the programs together, we are arranging the candy buffet together - it's definitly a partnership with us. We share it all! The only part that he didn't get to be a part of was the dress - he'll have to wait until the wedding day to see that. :)
My fiance is pretty involved. Sometimes I have to ask... tonight we printed out our invitations and you could tell her was really excited and fed the printer 200 pieces of cardstock individually. It was cute.
fi is really 100% involved in everything, as it is "our" wedding. he comes to all the appointments & i got dragged to the tux appointments too. he was even going to go dress shopping w me & went w me to one shop but people really get feisty about that so i just showed him the dress i chose after i bought it. this is so awesome, esp since most of my BMs & mom dont live nearby & i'd be dying if i had to do it all myself. however a few months ago i was getting fed up bc w BOTH of us involved in EVERY decision, it takes twice as long to reach a decision (bsides being super busy at work) & i didnt think we were moving fast enough. so after a few arguments on this topic we sat down & made a calendar of everything we have to do, down to the last detail, and assigned a date to everything. we invite each other to all the "events" (im on google, he's on outlook) such as "decide on favors" and "buy thank you cards" and i'm so glad we did bc things have been getting done a lot faster. plus when the week slips by & some event/decision has been postponed, it is hanging over BOTH our heads as a calendar reminder that keeps popping up on our computers. i highly recommend keeping a mutal calendar of some sort once you get down to 2 months.
About two weeks after we had set the date, and started planning, I asked Mr. Betty if he was excited about the wedding, to which he responded 'meh'. That did not sit well, but we talked about it, and I realized that I had been planning 'my' wedding, and now that he realizes how important it is to me, he's making a serious effort to get involved, and I'm trying to include more aspects that represent him (like our steampunk cake toppers)
haha.. I too send lists, and I've gotten many a response of "yes, Sergeant", but his lists usually comprise of "for the 15th time, get the address for x, y and z!"
On a scale of 1 - 10, he's about a 1.5. I give him a .5 for the fact that he doesn't mind that I spend all day doing DIY projects (which I enjoy). As far as actual help, nada.
FI is great about calling vendors, making appointments, negotiating with people, helping me not kill my mother. We haven't really started on any of the DIY stuff yet, but I expect him to not be overly excited about that. The only problem is that he just keeps adding people to the guest list...I swear we're going to hit 350 by the time invites have to go out...
My fiancee isn't that involved and it kinda pisses me off since it was his idea to have a bigger wedding then I wanted. We are about 3 months away and I've gotten a majority of the stuff done, but it irritates me that he doesn't help when most of this was his idea...ugh. thanks for letting me vent.
posted by reilabird 6 days agoNone, zil, nada ... You are not alone girl! Maybe assign him straigtforward tasks.
posted by sphbride 6 days agoYeah. "Call this person about X." "Cut X pieces of this." He might respond better to more explicit direction...
posted by amysue 6 days agoi've assigned things to him, they get pushed off to the side. at least last night i got him to go round corners and now he's going to go the post office to get stamps.
posted by reilabird 6 days agoNon.
He's taking care of tuxes, picking out his mother/son dance song, providing moral support (as in, "do you like this?!?!" and he says "Yes, thats cute") and showing up at the altar.
Like PP's said, my FI really likes specific tasks/lists. Dont just in passing say "I wish you would help out more"...just say:
I'd like you to do this, this this and this. Please. By next week.
I usually e mail my FI (even if he's sitting right next to me haha) lists and he gets them done...unless its written on a post it, or e mailed to him a couple times, it doesnt get done.
posted by penguin 6 days agoi email my FI lists too penguin! haha, he doesn't like them, but he is good about getting most things on the list done by the "deadline" i set for him. he's been pretty involved with the whole process, meeting and choosing different vendors, and doing the diy projects. the only thing he hasn't been involved in is the girly stuff, like wedding gown shopping, picking out bridesmaid dresses, etc. otherwise, he's been such a big help!
posted by peaches 6 days agoI had to give my hubby lists. After about flipping out on him the 80th time.... I knew I had to do something to get through to him. And I always kept two copies... one in my planning notebook and one for him... so he knew I couldn't say that I didn't give him that task to do.
He helped with invitation assembly. He ran errands (go pay this deposit, pick this thing up. etc) the two weeks prior to the wedding. But seriously.
I did most of everything & procrastinated on some stuff & didn't even get everything done.
posted by babagrlshell 6 days agoI tried giving mine lists -- they just sat there. He paid for the honeymoon, but I did all of the research on it. The only thing he seems remotely interested in is the music, but after giving me his ideas, I have to put it all together. We are 90 days out and he hasn't looked at tuxes, wedding bands, or anything else. Ugh.
posted by caliocteach 6 days agoHe's been surprisingly helpful, for he wants to help try to keep my stress at a managable level :) I'm so grateful for him!
I have found that asking him to do specific tasks, asking his opinion on various things and bringing him to vendor meetings has helped keep him interested. I've also found that if I natter about weddings ALL the time, then he's less likely to be interested. It's good to balance both of your interests :)
posted by missbean 6 days agoMy FI has been very very very helpful, and has done anything & everything to keep me from being stressed (we're building a house at the same time AND im taking 4 online classes while working fulltime and planning the wedding lol) he has been AMAZING.
He was the first one to ask me about flowers and colors and whatnot. and told me what he likes and what he doesnt like. I dont know what I would have done if he wasnt helping so much! I'd go crazy! lol
posted by soaishai 6 days agoMy FI has been involved in probably 99% of all the wedding planning/decisions. The only thing I refused to let him be involved in was my wedding dress. He designed and assembled probably 70% of the invitations. He designed our table lanterns that has the table number and menus in english and chinese and assembled about 50% of them. Pretty much he is soooo involved that sometimes I wish I could make one decision without some input from him. :) Granted his comments do normally make sense. :( But I guess I'd rather have him involved than totally not involved. Yes, I know i'm lucky! hehehe
posted by stressgirl615 6 days agoMy FI has been really involved. He is pretty picky about a lot of things (as am I, good thing we generally agree about what we like) and so has helped choose fonts, colors, paper, candles, flowers, menu, wines, cake... He is not terribly crafty, but is really meticulous about the things he does, and so has helped with quite a bit of our DIY. We clear off the dining room table, get out all the bits and pieces, and once I show him how it goes he does a great job. He's not fast, but everything he assembles is absolutely perfect. And he's having loads of fun with our projects, which makes it all more fun for me. We put DMB on the stereo, pour a little wine, and have a great time. I'm going crazy this weekend because all the bits and pieces of the invitations have arrived from the printer, and he's away at his bachelor party golf weekend, but he was horrified that I would even think of assembling them without him... so I have to wait until Monday night!
posted by suzanno 5 days agoWe're in it together. He does a lot of research, and he is taking the lead on the vows and music. I couldn't get the wedding together without him.
posted by MissRuffles 5 days agoMy guy is there every step of the way. He wants everything to be perfect and is absolutely amazing! We made our invites together, we are arranging the music for the wedding together, we are making the programs together, we are arranging the candy buffet together - it's definitly a partnership with us. We share it all! The only part that he didn't get to be a part of was the dress - he'll have to wait until the wedding day to see that. :)
posted by Lani 5 days agoMy fiance is pretty involved. Sometimes I have to ask... tonight we printed out our invitations and you could tell her was really excited and fed the printer 200 pieces of cardstock individually. It was cute.
posted by maureen9004 4 days agofi is really 100% involved in everything, as it is "our" wedding. he comes to all the appointments & i got dragged to the tux appointments too. he was even going to go dress shopping w me & went w me to one shop but people really get feisty about that so i just showed him the dress i chose after i bought it. this is so awesome, esp since most of my BMs & mom dont live nearby & i'd be dying if i had to do it all myself. however a few months ago i was getting fed up bc w BOTH of us involved in EVERY decision, it takes twice as long to reach a decision (bsides being super busy at work) & i didnt think we were moving fast enough. so after a few arguments on this topic we sat down & made a calendar of everything we have to do, down to the last detail, and assigned a date to everything. we invite each other to all the "events" (im on google, he's on outlook) such as "decide on favors" and "buy thank you cards" and i'm so glad we did bc things have been getting done a lot faster. plus when the week slips by & some event/decision has been postponed, it is hanging over BOTH our heads as a calendar reminder that keeps popping up on our computers. i highly recommend keeping a mutal calendar of some sort once you get down to 2 months.
posted by piperbenjamin 4 days agoAbout two weeks after we had set the date, and started planning, I asked Mr. Betty if he was excited about the wedding, to which he responded 'meh'. That did not sit well, but we talked about it, and I realized that I had been planning 'my' wedding, and now that he realizes how important it is to me, he's making a serious effort to get involved, and I'm trying to include more aspects that represent him (like our steampunk cake toppers)
posted by BettyB 4 days agohaha.. I too send lists, and I've gotten many a response of "yes, Sergeant", but his lists usually comprise of "for the 15th time, get the address for x, y and z!"
On a scale of 1 - 10, he's about a 1.5. I give him a .5 for the fact that he doesn't mind that I spend all day doing DIY projects (which I enjoy). As far as actual help, nada.
posted by katiethelady 4 days agoFI is great about calling vendors, making appointments, negotiating with people, helping me not kill my mother. We haven't really started on any of the DIY stuff yet, but I expect him to not be overly excited about that. The only problem is that he just keeps adding people to the guest list...I swear we're going to hit 350 by the time invites have to go out...
posted by prettykatie 4 days ago