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@Donnica22: Yes - in order to subscribe you had to put an estimated date so I just clicked anything :)
My FI and I dated 6.5 years before getting engaged.
We met in college and I was in college the first 2.5 years we dated (one of those years long distance as he graduated before me).
We lived apart 1 year after graduating college, and then lived together 3 years before he finally proposed.
You do a LOT of growing up between HS, college, and your first years of working life.
We really did a lot of our maturing and becoming a solid couple after moving in together.
I do know people who dated for shorter periods and got engaged quicker, but they also started dating when they were older.
I think age and the experiences you've had has a lot to do with how long it takes you to be ready.
I am now 26 (was 19 when we started dating) and I have changed a LOT as has FI. We've gone through those changes and still are a strong couple and are confident that getting married is the best thing.
@Kimsicle: Gotcha!!! :)
Well as long as you are fine with it there is no set answer of how long is too long!
@Belle2Be: Not much on marriage, but we talked about kids and finances. We have discussed a 5 year plan in regards to Finances and Careers but not with marriage, kids, or even "Us"
@Kimsicle: "we" don't discuss marriage? If that's worrying you, I take that to mean that you're waiting for him to bring it up, and just quietly being upset about it. It is 100% your responsibility to bring it up if it is something you want. You have to be able to communicate about things as important as that - marriage is alllll about communication on every level.
Hmm...after 6.5 years I'd be very concerned about not having marriage conversations yet, esp. since you already live together. For me, I had to know we were getting married before living together b/c the pain of a break-up after sharing your life like that is just too painful. For me, being together for more than 3 years without planning for a wedding would have been too long. With high school, it's obviously different, but I would expect that if I was with the same person though all of college (so let's say 4 more years), I'd want to get married after that.
@Kimsicle: You need to talk about marriage. Especially now that you are living together. If being married is something you want, you need to talk about it.
I told my FI (then bf) before we moved in together that I agreed we needed to live together before getting married, but that I wanted to be married at some point and I didn't want to be a "live-in" girlfriend forever.
I agree. That talk is something most couples have had at least a few times in 6.5 years. We aren't HS sweethearts, but we are College sweethearts. We talked about marriage as well as finances, kids, careers. But marriage was included. You don't have to wait for him to bring it up, it's your relationship too.
@Kimsicle: I guess I'm just confused as to why you would agree to move in with a man you've never discussed the future with?
I think ya'll have been together long enough (out of highschool) that talking about marriage would be the next logical step... But that said it is different for every relationship.
I would definitely bring up marriage at this point.
There really is no "should" amount of time for this. However I will say that at that age you are so young that you could change a lot. I have a friend who dated her now husband since they were 16 and they waited until they had been together 9.5 years before tying the knot! So they had been out of high school for 8 years (they were 26 and 27 when they got married) I dont think 23 is too young to get married especially if you have been dating for that long.
Definitely talk to him now about marriage now!! If I could turn back time I would have done that a long time ago but I didn't and now after waiting all this time with my SO he does not know if that is what he wants. It's very fustrating and a big heartache. So please talk to him now. If he does not want to get married I would move out. I wish that is what I would have done. I've been with my SO for 11 yrs and lived together for almost all of that. Can anyone say comfortable. LOL!! Good luck!
We were high school sweethearts, we strated dating when i was 17 and he was 16. So many things happened after high school, we both went to college, he moved all over the palce and had a long diatance relationship for most of it. We also had a 3 month break after I graduated college because things started to get hard, and we werent able to see each other that often. But then we got back together. That break was kinf of the line between a high school relationship and an adult relationship. We then dated for 3 more years and we got engaged, and married 9 months after. In total we dated 9 years. We are both 26 now (im closer to 27) and i think this was the best. We are both emotionally, financially, stable and we have a level of maturity we didnt have before.
You should definitely have a talk with your guy and ask him when does he see himself ready, or what will make him feel ready, maybe he has personal goals that he wants to achieve before making such a big commitment. Because marriage is scary for a guy soemtimes, because they feel they need to provide for you and take care of you, so until he doesnt feel like he can do that, he will not be ready. But everyone is different.
Talk to him about marriage to get him started thinking about it, maybe he hasnt even thought about it because he thinks you are not thinking about it.
Good luck!
honestly, I really liked your OP. you seem very level headed and stable (especially compared to some people that wander on here!). If you feel like you're ready to have that conversation, you should. FH and I rarely talked about marriage per say, but we did talk about the things you mentioned like kids, finance and career. when i did finally say something along the lines of "well, you know what comes first", he was just like "yeah, obviously - that's a given!" and that was it. so, though we never talked timelines or anything, we both knew it was in the plan. maybe that's how it is with you guys? you should definitely be feeling comfortable enough to bring it up (after 6.5 years i'd assume you're not some passive-aggressive conversationalist). so, if you're ready, just let him know it's on your mind and feel him out. :]
We started dating the end of the first year of college at 19. We're both 33 now, but things have been creazy and we've had a lot of set backs, some from my family, some from his and some from ourselves. I don't think I'd ever really expected to be married before 30 (though I'd have said yes in a heartbeat) just beacuse we both had a lot of growing to do, and that he had more than I to "catch up" to being an adult. I've really only gotten antsy about it over the last couple of yers, and only this past year have I gotten some postive feedback about the idea of marraige, as he sees his parents' marraige as being unhealthy (and I agree) and my deadbeat dad is on Wife #3, so neither of us have a lot of good examples of it working, until most of our friends started getting engaged and married.
As it is, I think we're the last couple, even though we've been together the longest, who are not married or engaged, and after our last dicussion, it looks like it's going to take another 2 years to to sort out the mess he'd made of his personal finaces and school during his 20s. I guess while I hate that I'm "just" a girlfriend and have to deal with more "why aren't you married" crap than he does, I'm kinda glad that we're closer now as he has started to actually get over being a kinda overgrown boy and is finally becoming more responsible and taking care of things. I think had we gotten married even just a few years back, I'd be more of a mom than a wife - he's even made that comment, as I took care of things for a long time, which did NOT help him grow up, so I stepped back and let him "fail" a little (sounds bad, I hope you know what I mean) so he'd realize that he had to take care of things himself and be a "grown up".
There is no timeline other than the one that works for you. Unless you are ticking away at the ovulation clock, you can take a pretty long time to get thigns squared away, adn ther is a LOT of growing that happens from high school college and early career days before some people even know who THEY are, let alone who they want to marry and have a family with.
I say find a way to let him know you're interested in being with him, and not just wanting the party we call a wedding (men see it that way, often) or just a big rock on your hand. Tell him you ant to grow old with him, and it'd be a lot more comforting to you to know how he felt in the matter.
So exciting to see other high school sweethearts on the bee! FI and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. He proposed a month before our 9 year anniversary, making me 24 and him 25. We will be married about 3 months after our 10 year anniversary. We did the LDR thing for 5 years and have been living together for the past 3. I think that when we moved in together, it was just kind of assumed that we would get married one day, but I don't think we actually had the talk until about a year or so ago, maybe a little longer. We waited until now to get married because we both wanted to finish college and grad school and pursue things as individuals before settling down. I don't think there is a right time to get married, it just has to be right for the two of you! I would say bring it up to him casually and see where the conversation goes. You might be surprised to find out how he feels about marriage. Good Luck!!
I'm another HSS, and I reject the premise of this poll! I absolutely don't think there's really a "right" amount of time for everyone. The important thing here, Kimsicle, is that "6.5 years and going" is NOT right with you. You need to tell him your priorities and goals and stuff. After so many years ago, you really should be able to talk to him about it. He can handle it. Seriously.
Hi! My bfs brother and his now fiance have been dating since they were seniors and they are now 31. They own a beautiful home, both have fantastic and lucrative careers, have a gorgeous dog that they love and just got engaged a couple of months ago. Everyone is different.
She doesn't really want a wedding as she isn't really into that type of thing so I think they'll have something simple. They never really discussed being married too much, even before buying a house. They did protect themselves legally but marriage just wasn't a major big deal to them so they never made it a priority. There is nothing wrong with that so don't feel odd for not talking about marriage before moving in. My bf and I have been together for 7 awesome, near perfect years and have a dog, an apartment, a car and all finances/credit cards together. We might get married, we might not. If he came to me now and said he really, really wanted to marry then I would. And he would do the same. But right now neither of us find it to be very important. Use your own timeline. If it's important or you are starting to think that you want that, have a talk and see how he feels. Best of luck!
I think now is an appropriate time to bring up the fact that you would like to get married and see if he has a timeline for getting married in mind or if you guys can come up with something together. I don't think it makes sense to just wait around and hope he will magically pop the question out of nowhere. After 6.5 years, it is time (even if you started dating at 15 and are only 21.....there should at least be a goal there i.e. when we finish college, or whatever else). Good luck!
I would most certainly have a talk about marriage with him. At this point, it's a good idea to know if you both want marriage and approximatly when. Especially since you're living together, I would want to know if he sees this heading toward marriage.
I have to agree with most of the previous posts... it's time for you two to have a discussion. You can't sit around and wait for him to bring it up... most men won't. That's usually on our plate... I know not all men are the same, but with a lot of them, if marriage isn't a requirement of yours that you've made clearly known, then they aren't going to bring it up.
@luckyprincess:I really like your response. It's true every couple is different. But it's also true about personal growth. My BF and I have been together for 3ish years, nearing 4. We've lived together for 3. How I was just 3 years ago (and him too) is almost like night and day. This was after college.
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We have been dating 6.5 years and no ring yet. We were High School Sweathearts, and have never broken up. (Dated 5 years out of high school). We don't discuss marriage, which worries me, but I'm not in a hurry. We also live together, and that has gone really well so far (6 months).
I have a lot of friends who have been dating a much shorter and have gotten engaged, but I do not think that they rushed into marriage.
I'm not sure what a good amount of time to date is. Everyone is so different, and their situations are different, but I think when you know, you know.