Post # 1
We have been dating 6.5 years and no ring yet. We were High School Sweathearts, and have never broken up. (Dated 5 years out of high school). We don’t discuss marriage, which worries me, but I’m not in a hurry. We also live together, and that has gone really well so far (6 months).
I have a lot of friends who have been dating a much shorter and have gotten engaged, but I do not think that they rushed into marriage.
I’m not sure what a good amount of time to date is. Everyone is so different, and their situations are different, but I think when you know, you know.
Post # 3
@Kimsicle: Is Jan 2013 an estimated date?
Post # 4
Have you ever discussed marriage? Kids? Finances? 5 year plan?
Post # 5
@DCSquared: Yes – in order to subscribe you had to put an estimated date so I just clicked anything 🙂
Post # 6
My FI and I dated 6.5 years before getting engaged.
We met in college and I was in college the first 2.5 years we dated (one of those years long distance as he graduated before me).
We lived apart 1 year after graduating college, and then lived together 3 years before he finally proposed.
You do a LOT of growing up between HS, college, and your first years of working life.
We really did a lot of our maturing and becoming a solid couple after moving in together.
I do know people who dated for shorter periods and got engaged quicker, but they also started dating when they were older.
I think age and the experiences you’ve had has a lot to do with how long it takes you to be ready.
I am now 26 (was 19 when we started dating) and I have changed a LOT as has FI. We’ve gone through those changes and still are a strong couple and are confident that getting married is the best thing.
Post # 7
@Kimsicle: Gotcha!!! 🙂
Well as long as you are fine with it there is no set answer of how long is too long!
Post # 8
@Belle2Be: Not much on marriage, but we talked about kids and finances. We have discussed a 5 year plan in regards to Finances and Careers but not with marriage, kids, or even “Us”
Post # 9
@Kimsicle: “we” don’t discuss marriage? If that’s worrying you, I take that to mean that you’re waiting for him to bring it up, and just quietly being upset about it. It is 100% your responsibility to bring it up if it is something you want. You have to be able to communicate about things as important as that – marriage is alllll about communication on every level.
Post # 10
@Kimsicle: That talk is lloooong overdue, IMO.
Post # 11
Hmm…after 6.5 years I’d be very concerned about not having marriage conversations yet, esp. since you already live together. For me, I had to know we were getting married before living together b/c the pain of a break-up after sharing your life like that is just too painful. For me, being together for more than 3 years without planning for a wedding would have been too long. With high school, it’s obviously different, but I would expect that if I was with the same person though all of college (so let’s say 4 more years), I’d want to get married after that.
Post # 12
@Kimsicle: You need to talk about marriage. Especially now that you are living together. If being married is something you want, you need to talk about it.
I told my FI (then bf) before we moved in together that I agreed we needed to live together before getting married, but that I wanted to be married at some point and I didn’t want to be a “live-in” girlfriend forever.
Post # 13
I agree. That talk is something most couples have had at least a few times in 6.5 years. We aren’t HS sweethearts, but we are College sweethearts. We talked about marriage as well as finances, kids, careers. But marriage was included. You don’t have to wait for him to bring it up, it’s your relationship too.
Post # 14
@Kimsicle: I guess I’m just confused as to why you would agree to move in with a man you’ve never discussed the future with?
Post # 15
I think ya’ll have been together long enough (out of highschool) that talking about marriage would be the next logical step… But that said it is different for every relationship.
I would definitely bring up marriage at this point.
Post # 16
There really is no “should” amount of time for this. However I will say that at that age you are so young that you could change a lot. I have a friend who dated her now husband since they were 16 and they waited until they had been together 9.5 years before tying the knot! So they had been out of high school for 8 years (they were 26 and 27 when they got married) I dont think 23 is too young to get married especially if you have been dating for that long.