Post # 1
If you have conversed with me in the past you know I am usually unicorns and rainbows but today, Hive… today I am struggling. So please excuse me for a few moments!!
Dear Bridesmaid S: I know you are really busy being a crappy parent and posting your baby daddy drama and bikini pictures of yourself on FB, but I asked you a year ago to be a BM. Why do I know in my heart you won’t show up on my wedding day?
Dear Bridesmaid K: I haven’t even seen you in three months because you’re so wrapped up in yourself. You missed my engagement party because “you were moving”. And guess what, you still live in the same damn house!
Dear Bridesmaid M: Buy a freakin dress to go on your gorgeous 5’11” body and shutup already please.
Dear MIL: You are a vindictive cow! There aren’t “rules” to a wedding. You got married 34 years ago, how about you let it go? I don’t care that you planned your wedding in a week and you took photos with a disposable camera. Have you seen you wedding photos? Yeah, the disposable camera wasn’t such a good idea was it?
To all the people bitching about “no kids 5 and under ceremony”: We are providing a babysitter! You really can’t separate yourselves from your beloved noise-makers for a whole half-hour? Are you really that selfish that you’d rather your noisy toddler ruin my vows? Thanks, totally know why I invited you…
To my FI’s brother’s wife: If you wear that hoochie mama dress that you wore to SIL’s wedding, so help me God you will not be allowed to be in any photos. I literally saw your lady bits, and not the ones in the bra!!! Also, they make clothes for adults, you don’t have to shop in the infant section.
*does a lot of stomping around and cussing*
Any one heard a good joke lately?
Post # 3
Two peanuts walk into a dark alley.
One is asaulted.
Post # 5
Haha yeah it sounds like you need to vent for sure!! Somedays I wish it were socially acceptable to run around telling people what a$$holes they’re being! lol. Whenever I have a bad day I like to go to http://www.someecards.com/ and read all the wonderfully sarcastic e cards I would love to send to people!! Since you need a good joke I figured I would post a few wedding ecards that might make you laugh 🙂
and this one I thought you would love in regards to your mother in law 😉
Hope this cheered you up a bit!!
Post # 7
@Miss Fish: I still love that joke no matter how many times I hear it. I can see the peanuts in my head heehee.
@KatyElle: I know right. I didn’t wake up all smiley and giddy like usual….
@natbug21: LOVE THESE. Thank you, the sincerely made my day
@melisslp: BAHAHAHAHA I’ve never seen that one before! I bet the bride was mad, unless she planned it. And then it’s even funnier.
Post # 8
Sorry to hear that you are struggling with some people in your life! I feel you on the kid thing. My mom refuses to tell her friends when they ask about the wedding that it is a NO children event. As in kids under 14. I want to yell at her and say: NONE of my friends/guests have kids. What happens when they book plane tickets and assume they can bring their kids????
Post # 10
@Miss Smurf: LOVE thank you lol!!!! it is so damn cute.
@fvsoccer: I have never understood the great kids/wedding debate. The couple are asking for just a day without screaming and crying….. yet that seems irrational.
Post # 11
@Miss Fish: I am so stealing that peanut joke 🙂
Post # 12
@melisslp: Hahahahaha funny story, my uncles did that to my dad for my parents’ wedding!!! My mom was soooooo mad, but they laugh about it now.. I’ve actually seen “help me” stickers sold on the internet now though, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they don’t end up on FI’s shoes lol.
Post # 14
@doily:this is the best part of my day. seriously. hahahaha i stared at it for five minutes.
Post # 15
@doily: Holy balls I literally saw that and immediately started crying I was laughing so hard… My FI thinks I’m nuts now (ok lets be honest, he’s known I’m nuts since about day 7 of our relationship lol.) I must be really tired or thats just really funny… either way I got a great laugh out of it!
Post # 16
Awesome! Awesome post, awesome pics, awesome comments. Made my night too 🙂