(Closed) 7 years

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So just to clarify, you’d rather leave him than talk to him about your priorities in life? 

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@acampbell: Why dont you feel comfortable talking to him about your future together??

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@acampbell: Are you guys arguing because you’re mentioning marriage? Has he recently mentioned anything about moving on? Because that part might concern me a little…

Post # 8
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

So first you weren’t ready and now you’re upset b/c he’s not moving towards a marriage that last time it came up he was shut down?…

That’s a bit much. And really if you can’t communicate your issue out then you aren’t ready for a marriage anyways.

Just talk to him about it… for REAL… not like how it’s been with you two arguing. And if you’re still not on the same page then leave… don’t “remove yourself first” and then leave… that’s not fair to him.

Sorry you’ve been waiting so long but it sounds like some things need to be worked out on your end as well before a marriage would be workable.

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Beluga: Like!

Post # 12
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with amnystik  you burnt him when you said you were not ready for marriage two years ago. Put yourself in his shoes! 

He knew you were the one, he risked himself by asking and you said no. Thats not something you get over. He will have been wondering constantly to himself if you are really sure about him, there will be concerns in his head, what if we get married then she gets cold feet and runs. Or what if I propose again and she says no again. 

You have been together a long time, but don’t let that familiarity breed contempt and resentment. We are not telepathic no matter how long we are with a person. 

You need to talk to him about marriage calmly. 

Just something to think about, you can propose to him. You will still get your ring, but you can propose, its a huge gesture that we expect the men to do all the time. Well he did. And you said you weren’t ready. So now its your turn to do the gesture, put yourself on the line like he did. 

But first things first, regain that communication you must have once had to have made it as far as you both have together.

Talk to him calmly, plainly, with no hidden meaning. Because if you can’t do that now, then you two arn’t meant for marriage.

 

Sorry to be so frank, but its better than just beating around the bush about it.

Hope you two are able to work things out.

 

Post # 13
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you can’t talk openly about what you want, I guess you’re going to have to suffer in silence much longer than you need to. If you’re married, you’re going to have to make clear what you need and want and vice versa. So start now.

I think you are imagining that this will somehow pressure or scare him away. Really, you don’t have to tell him, I want to get married NOW! You can just ask him where his own head is at.

Maybe the best thing for you is to not point blank have a conversaion at the dinner table but begin sprinkling conversations with wedding hyperbole to gauge him. Maybe that is an easier transition for you then just waking up one day and ranting about your relationship guns blazing.

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