Post # 1
I HATE being the center of attention. I don’t want to be the bride on my wedding day 🙁 I’m fine with public speaking, I can argue a motion in court, give a speech or training to a big crowd, but I just do NOT want to be the “bride.” Has anyone else felt like this?
It’s not last minute jitters, I’ve felt this way all along. I’ve planned the wedding so that I’m in the spotlight as little as possible. We’re getting married on a boat, so just a quik ceremony, followed by a cruise, lunch, and mingling. NO headtable, dancing, cakecutting (cupcakes), boquet toss, garter removal, nothing. And now that’s is so close, I’m stressing about the ceremony. The captain is ordained, and has a quick 10 minute ceremony, and I don’t even want to go through that! I don’t want to walk down the aisle. I don’t want to do any of it. I just want to sit quietly in the back and watch someone else do it all.
It has nothing to do with my body image. I had lost a lot of weight, and am 5’3″ and 120 pounds. I run, bike, I’m fit. I love my dress. It’s gorgeous and flattering. I’m thrilled with my hair trial and love my hairdresser.
What the hell is wrong with me? Has anyone else felt this???
I’ve said this to several people, that I don’t want to be the “bride” and don’t want to be the center of attention, and they all say “it’s your day! enjoy it!” I don’t want it to be my day!
Post # 3
I’m an ecore bride and I will tell you at my first wedding, once you’re in the moment, all the people fade away and you’re focused on your groom and how happy you are, During the ceremony I didn’t even notice anyone looking at me, at the reception I was just enjoying time with my friend dancing and laughing. I think you will feel the same.
Post # 4
make it about YOUR DAY not just you but your groom… if you dont want to walk down the aisle ask ur husband to be if he will walk to you…
Post # 5
@AirForceWife78: Oh I hope so…. Thank you.
Post # 6
@asianyoushi: It seems like everyone else is making it about me. Poor guy wasn’t even going to have a stag, but his cousin made his jerk brother (best man) arrange one (a surprise), so it will be this Friday. And I got to spend two days having a blast in Niagara Falls, Ontario while he stayed home and worked overtime 🙁
We did talk about him walking down the aisle with me, but nixed that and I asked my mom a few weeks ago. Funny story actually…we were kayaking and it was really peaceful no one else around… I said asked her to walk me down the aisle, and she burst into tears and called me an asshole lol. I haven’t seen her cry in 20 years, since she and my dad said they were getting divorced! I don’t have a relationship with my dad or step-dad, so it was pretty emotional.
Post # 7
@MrsBlah: I totally understand! I hate being the center of attention too, but I can stand in front of kids and teach, no problem.
Post # 8
i feel ya. i also am dreading having all eyes on me. trying on dresses was the worst with all the consultants staring at me as i walked in and out of the dressing room over and over. i had issues with my veil and have had to go back in the salon a few times and the girls all gather around me and i know theyre just waiting for me to have a bridezilla freak out or something. i hate it! i HATED taking engagement pictures, it was so awkward (tho they turned out unbelieveable, so i know we had a genius photographer) and so im dreading my day-of photography too,
i dont want ppl looking at my dress, hair, makeup, decoration style and choices, etc. i feel like they will be criticizing me in their mind. so we decided to do a DW and only invite the closest family and best friends. we r not having a bridal party at all. so we will also not have dancing, tosses, games, and will do an extremely short ceremony with standard ‘repeat after me’ vows.
i agree w/a PP that everyone else will probably be invisible to me as my ceremony unfolds, and i am visualizing the reception to be just like all of us gathering together to go to dinner for someones birthday.
best of luck and try to enjoy ur amazingly wonderful sounding boat wedding!
Post # 9
@MrsBlah: WOW someone else who feels just like me!! I, too, am minimizing our exposure at the center of forty people’s attention by having a midday lunch boat wedding with a captain officiant. We are leaving the site after the boat returns and going away in a vintage Rolls to a hotel 30 miles away, just the two of us so we have time alone on our wedding day.
For me I think there are two factors: I hated going to weddngs, as I usually went stag, and I hate all the expectations around the whole notion of “wedding.” Most of my planning has been around mitigating these concerns. I have a list of tasks for day-of that I will assign to relatives and am trying to match the tasks with available relatives–i.e. everyone will have ONE thing to do so if they don’t pay too close attention when I give them instructions, it will be obvious if they’re screwing it up to me and hopefully, them as well.
I will be practicing my thank-you speech for the guests at Toastmasters. Part of me feels that’s impersonal, but a short speech meant for 40 people is by its nature impersonal.
Having a schedule for the day I hope will help. The venue coordinator has been good about answering emails with questions as they come up.
What makes me sad is that whatever romantic feelings I had about hosting a wedding with my FI has been lost in the planning details; waiting for RSVPs really feels like it’s about being a good hostess. Hopefully on the actual day the romanticism of spending all this money on it all will come back.
Post # 10
@jsanford: Venue twins! lol
We’re getting ready at FMIL’s house, so there will be like 15 people all going from her house to the harbor, so I rented a limo to take us all there and back. I figured it would be easiest, no need to take 6 cars in a caravan!
Well…FMIL (I love her to death, but she makes me crazy) decided to have a “little get together” after the wedding for guests who don’t want to go home yet (everything ends around 4pm). When she first told me about it, I was like cool, that’s your thing, have fun with it, we’re OUT (we’re leaving for our honeymoon that night). We planned to go right from her house. Well, it’s become a big to do with food, a tent. Ugh. She basically planned a second reception. And we would be rude to just leave, so we’ll have to spend some time before leaving for our honeymoon 🙁
Post # 11
@BeeG35: I didn’t even try on dresses lol. I was looking at wedding magazines, and saw a photo of dress from Ann Taylor, and fell in love I ordered it overnight (6 months before the wedding), it came and fit like a glove, just a bit too long so I had it shortened. It was the only dress I put on 🙂
Post # 12
@MrsBlah: I felt the same way. I broke out in hives a few days before the wedding (never have done that). I distarcted myself and kept busy doing things that I enjoyed to help with my anxiety. Also, I thought about focusing on my DH. He would be right there with me the whole time to hold my hand, and that made ALL the difference. I didnt even notice anyone else during the wedding. It literally felt like it was just the two of us up there.
Post # 13
@MrsBlah: I HATE being the center of attention. I don’t want to be the bride on my wedding day 🙁 I’m fine with public speaking, I can argue a motion in court, give a speech or training to a big crowd, but I just do NOT want to be the “bride.” Has anyone else felt like this?
YES. I don’t mind being the center of attention in front of tons of people if the focus is something else, so I’m fine with public speaking, giving a presentation, performing (music). Do I want to be the center of attention as the BRIDE? No, it doesn’t seem appealing at all. So I understand perfectly.
Your wedding sounds really really lovely though. I like how you’ve cut out most of the “center of attention” aspects like the cake cutting, the dancing, the headtable. That’s what we’d like to do as well.
Post # 14
OP, I was saying the same thing to my FSIL yesterday and this is the EXACT answer she gave me. Good luck! I know how you feel, but I have a feeling the advice we’ve been given will be accurate 🙂
Post # 15
I was worried because I don’t like being center of attention at all, have never kiss my DH in front of any family or really shown any PDA to them, etc. The day of the wedding we kissed I don’t know how many times if front of everyone and I really didn’t care. It was weird cause I wasn’t even worried about what everyone thought nor did I even think about or notice how everyone might have been staring at me.
Post # 16
*puts hand up in air*
this is me also!! So I’ve opted for a destination wedding. Just me and my OH. No parents, nothing. And me and him are walking down the aisle together! Couldn’t stand the thought of everyone staring at me, first dance, cake cutting, etc. our reception when we get back home will just be a party. With a cake but no formal cutting. I even hate the thought of parents seeing me in my dress etc and getting emotionaL. Nope. Not for me.
Yet I can quite easily get up on stage and sing my heart out with my two bands.
Good luck with your big day. 🙂