7 family members on the fence w RSVPs, not sure how to handle.

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think most of how you handle it depends on what your venue allows. I think I had to have my absolute last head count a week before the wedding. I had the same problem with a lot of my guests not knowing until the very last minute. If they still couldn’t give me a yes or no 7 days before the wedding, I had to make the super hard decision of saying no for them…I couldn’t afford to pay for people who might not have been able to make it, and the stress was killing me so I just had to do it.

Post # 4
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m really sorry all of that is going on with your family! I think how you handle it depends on how tight your budget is. If you can afford it, I would count them as a yes because I’d rather have them taken care of if they are able to come than have to tell them “sorry, you can’t come after all.” If you were already planning on the possibility of them coming, then I would think the cost of their meals would be built into your budget. As far as seating, I would try to spread them out among tables (if that wouldn’t be too awkward) so that if they end up not coming, it will just be an occasional empty seat instead of a whole empty table.

Post # 6
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

julesbeeb:  Just to clarify, I do NOT mean to tell them, “Well, we’ve decided it’s too late and so we’re just going to go ahead and say no…” I know that is how my post sounded but it wasn’t like that at all. I called up my people, who were very important to me since it was one of my stepmothers (one stepmom is dead and so is my dad, so she was super important to me), two of my best girl friends, and one lifelong friend that is like a brother to me. I talked to them about not wanting to put all the pressure on them but my venue was forcing me to come up with numbers. All four of these people had more than a 50% chance of going…they were the “wouldn’t miss it for the world” type of friends/family. I cried my eyes out when I knew they couldn’t come…anyway, what I was suggesting is talking to your venue/caterer and find out when is the absolute latest you can give them your numbers and if they will allow wiggle room. Maybe they’ll be cool with you giving last minute numbers considering the circumstances. My venue wasn’t cool about it, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the actual venue, but the wedding planner that came with it, since she was bitchy about a lot of other things too.

Post # 8
Member
1436 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Most places, you can add numbers after your final number count, you can’t subtract. So I would confirm with your caterer numbers less those 7, and then let them know if that changes. 

Post # 9
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

julesbeeb:  If you are going to visit your grandmother the weekend before the wedding couldn’t she fly back with you? They can be very flexible with cancer treatments so talk to her doctor.

I definately think you should count out your cousins and aunt and uncle. Back surgery is a bitch!

And just remember just because someone cannot physically be there with you ont he day does not mean they are not celebrating for you. We skyped my sister into our weddin reception after she couldn’t make it very last minute.

Post # 12
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

julesbeeb:  Aww that is horrible news about your grandmother. But I agree she should definately not be going anyway in her condition. Just enjoy the time you will have with her. My grandmother has dementia so couldn’t make it to our wedding either so I understand how disappointing it is. But as I said the important thing is that they are celebrating for you and are happy and supportive of you regardless of their physical presence.

And yes I would convince your Aunt to not drive your poor cousin 6hrs in an RV. It is nice though that they would consider doing that 

Post # 13
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I don’t know if this is helpful but I was bridesmaid at a wedding overseas a few years ago and the groom’s dad couldn’t fly due to a bad hip so we fired up Skype and had an absolute blast walking the laptop around with his head on the screen!  

He got a “seat” in the front row so he could see the ceremony itself, had a break for 2 hours until the reception then we connected again for the reception. We’d leave him at a table for a while until he’d finished talking to everyone, then someone would take him to the next table.  When he got tired, he just asked to take a break for a while and to dial up again in an hour.  It worked a treat!  He even got to be in some of the family photos! 

I hope at least some of your dear family can make it.  I know how tough it is when your loved ones just can’t get there.   

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