(Closed) 7 months in and I’m questioning if my marriage is …I don’t even know

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would say couples counselling 100% for sure. I’m not married yet, but several of my friends said this was the best thing they ever did. It helps both of you learn to communicate with each other in proper ways, which seems like what you both need. Good luck! I’m sure you’ll work through it!

Post # 5
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

ok so I’m ignoring you obviously won’t work, but what are the main things that you’re fighting about? I thre is something so severe that he would ignore you, there is a serious problem (at least one would hope) which needs to be addressed. That can’t continue. Period. Ignoring a problem won’t make it go away… 

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

oh sweetie *hugs* im so sorry you are feeling this way and i do believe counselling will help. i also suggest the book 5 languages of love as i found this very interesting to understand the very different ways both my husband and i express/receive love from eachother

did you live together before you married? my husband and i didnt and i will admit in the first year there was one time i asked myself if i could do this every single day for the rest of my life – but we worked thru it, it wasnt major but it at the time it was very important to me

sending all my best thoughts to you – goodluck

Post # 9
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, to me it sounds like he needs to seek counseling not just with you, but on his own.  I think it is a little unreasonable to not speak to you for a week because HE had a dream about your male friend.  Honestly, that is more than a little unreasonable, but downright ridiculous.  You have offered to sever the friendship and he said no, so why should he be angry at you because his subconcious is playing out ideas that don’t exist. 

He needs to address the issues that he has.  He is getting angry at you for small things so either he has a problem controlling that anger or he has underlying issues that he isn’t telling you about.  Good luck.  I hope he agrees to go to counseling.  It sounds like it could benefit him greatly. 

Post # 10
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

I agree about counseling and with the pp. He does need to address the issues he has. There is a book that I recently read that somewhat shows how to adress issues without blowing up or giving the silent treatment. It was a really easy read and helped me see things in a new light! I don’t know if you would be interested in reading it but it is called a scream free marriage. Google it! It may help!

Post # 11
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can really relate to OP here..

My SO is pretty passive agressive too, where as I am flat our very agressive.

I think his behavior is WAY over the top in that he actually spends DAYS giving you the cold shoulder.. I don’t have much advice to but say that counseling sounds like a good thing for the two of you, because this issue is not just a bit of slight passive agressive behavior that lasts an hour, it’s DAYS.

 

Post # 12
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is extremely troubling, controlling behavior. I agree with others that you should get to couples counseling, stat, but if he refuses, you should start seeing someone on your own to help figure out how to deal with having a husband who treats you this way.

The “silent treatment” is for children.  Not adult, married people who are supposed to be a team.

Post # 13
Member
31 posts
Newbee

Yes counseling is in order. If it was me, and the silent treatment was bugging me, I would LEAVE the house for a bit and do something else.  Or focus on another activity. I grew up with the silent treatment and the number one thing I learned to do was to NOT “feed” this behavior. The silent treatment is meant to drive you nuts. My Mom did it all the time (God Rest her soul!). Nothing drove her  nuts more than me completely ignoring the silent treatment. I would act like I was oblivious to it, babble about my day for a bit and go “Ta Ta, I’m off to do such and such.”

Post # 14
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My heart goes out to you. I was married to man who didn’t give me the silent treatment, he just didn’t know how to communicate. If we would have a disagreement and I would state my point of view, he would just sit in silence and I would ask him “Do you have anything to say?” “No, it’s the same ‘ol thing” he replies. “Do you know why it’s the same ‘ol thing? It’s because we never resolve our issues”. Thats when I realized he will never change and he refused to seek counseling. I’m now engaged to the most fantastic man who not only communicates but says he’s sorry and if he’s wrong and I’m right… he admits it.

I agree with other bees and you both need counceling in order to save your marriage. If your a spriritual person prayer helps as well. I will be thinking of you and good luck.

Post # 15
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

See if you can find a love and respect seminar. That saved my buddy’s marriage. He was doing the same thing to his wife and the seminar opened his eyes. It is all about cross gender communication. What you say isn’t what he hears. What he says isn’t heard by you the way he meant it. My buddy raved so much about this seminar that when a local church offered it I had to check it out. It is phenomenal and hilarious!

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