- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I just finished paying off the photography, limo, and reception hall and found out that my ladybug didn't show up as planned.....
My fiance is making fun of me because all my plans for a bachelorette party, dream dress, ect is out the window considering I will be 7 months pregnant on 10-10-10...
Should I just deal with it or change the date? (although it's kinda too late because the Save the date are sent too!)....
I'm pretty selfish for even thinking this aren't I?
Wow. This is a tough decision for you. Wedding aside, do you want a baby right now? Do you and your FI ready for a child? I mean, this isn't a light situation, this is pretty life changing! You need to think of what's right for your life together. Are you financially/emotionally/psychologically for a baby? That's far more important than a wedding right now. You and FI need to sit down and have a big serious talk. And have you taken a pregnancy test??? You didn't mention.
I could be wrong but by the time you'd test positive I think its too late for the pill... you'd have to go and get an actual abortion. Seriously consider how you would feel about that. Honestly I'd take the wedding totally out of the picture and just think about the baby... because if you do it JUST because of the wedding you'll probably regret it.
This is a really big decision, and one you really, REALLY need to make together. I'm definitely pro-choice, but I don't think this is something you should decide based on the advice of people on a chat board.
Honestly I think this is a very tough spot and I dont really have any advice and I am sorry for that but I do wish you all the luck with whatever you decide. I def dont think judgement should be passed upon you for any decision you make and I sincerely hope that doesnt happen in this post. All things considered I dnt think the wedding should provide to be a factor in the choice of having a baby.
PS- My ladybug was due in on Monday...took a test on Tuesday am and it didn't take anytime going to the Dbl Pink line......
....We have talked about kids forever and we are definately ready....I just wanted that special day to look good, feel good, eat&drink&be merry......
This will be the first time I meet some of his friends and family and I honestly wanted that picture perfect moment... :( (and I don't want people to judge me)
Are you talking about the Plan B pill? I'm fairly certain it's too late for that (but I could be thinking of the wrong pill.. a few years ago they were talking about an abortion pill SR something something..)
Anyway, it's a personal decision. If you're ready and want a baby- I would have it. I don't think the wedding should play into this decision. I know you don't want to be judged but read what you wrote "I want to look good"- if you're this torn you may not be ready for motherhood at this moment. Personally, if I was ready for a child I would prefer to push back the wedding date in lieu of abortion. I'm pro choice, but if you're ready to have children and planned on it shortly after the wedding- abortion seems a bit extreme if the reasoning is you want to look good. Regardless, it's a tough situation and I wish you the best.
Agree with the girls above - I don't think I'd let the wedding have any affect on your decision here, the actual wedding is just the one day and there are so many other factors to consider. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
Umm... I'm all for the support/advice that Weddingbee gives, but it seems to me you're treating this very lightly. It's not like you're asking whether you should have peonies or ranunculus.
I think if you're willing to open up the decision whether to have an abortion or not to an online forum, and your main concern is that the baby's going to mess up your wedding, you're not ready.
Perhaps you're just acting light about it, because you're actually really stressed, but from your post it seems like you're not taking it seriously.
I know of many brides that get married while 8 9 months pregnant, whats wrong with being a pregnant bride, its cute. . You can have an early bachelorette party, I mean dont let a night of partying or a wedding take over the life of your baby. I honestly think you will regret it, alot of women get depressed and sad after an abortion and you dont want to be feeling this way on your wedding day, the feeling of guilt.
Pregnant brides look beautiful too!
6a00e551ae05e3883401053701b5d0970b-800.jpg (30.4 KB, 76 downloads) 2 years old 6a00e553bc525688340105371b9175970b-250.jpg (19.1 KB, 63 downloads) 2 years old louisamaternitybridalgown1.jpg (85.7 KB, 72 downloads) 2 years old
honestly its SUCH a bigger decision then do" i want this to interfere with my wedding, i wont fit into my dress, his friends will judge me." its a baby, a living thing- nothing to take lightly. A baby is a huge reponsibility- your wedding is ONE day. you have to decide whats right for you and your Fiance..... But seriously, i am kinda shocked of your reasoning for wanting to terminate the baby based on facts like your dress wont fit. idk...hope im interperting wrong....
If you guys are both definitely happy with the baby on its way, and you're sure it's right for you both, is it possible to move up the wedding so that you could still not be showing? Mrs. Dumpling was pregnant at her wedding due to a surprise pregnancy, and she showed a little, but you could barely see. She was beautiful.
I'm wondering if you pulled the surprise pregnancy card with your vendors, and they had the day available, they would be sympathetic. It would be slightly more stressful, but it couild definitely be done :)
Maybe I'm the one reading the OP wrong, but I never got the sense she was questioning having the baby - just moving her wedding so she's not as big or going forward as planned, which is what I got from her followup comment too...
I say if you can afford to move the date with little aggravation, go for it. Otherwise, be big and beautiful and rock that belly at your wedding!
Congratulations and good luck!
I think Miss Chapstick has a really good point. If the your big concern is showing, I think there is a decent chance you can find something that will work for your vendors.
EDIT: I see that you changed your OP, no problem. It isn't the end of the world to change the date. Just follow the STDs up in two months with a "We have a surprise!" card that says you are expecting, and will change the date. No big deal.
this is definately a decison for you and your FH. if it bothers you that you will be showing on your wedding day, you could always push back the date, OR push up the date (some folks dont show until 4th-5th month especially if you go with an empire style)
and if you keep the date as is, at least you will have baby's first pictures already done! :)
really its all on how you look at it and what your beliefs are and what yall are ready for. discuss it with him and make the best decision for yall. but bottom line, a wedding is just a wedding, a child is something much more important and serious. take the time to figure out what is best for yall - even with the added cost of a baby maybe its not feasable to have a huge wedding???
miss chapstick has a good idea - the preggers card goes well with vendors for having to move up a date or move back a date...you might ocnsider that :)
corgitales is right. If you are pregnant, then it's too late to take the pill. the plan b pill is supposed to be taken within 72 hrs of the conception & they highly do not advise taken the birth control pill when pregnant because of the hormones. Plus it won't terminate the pregnancy.
I would also give it a week or too because stress (and other things) can really affect your period. Try to calm down and wait for it to come. If t doesn't than I would try the test again, if it says negative again, then go to the doctor and get a blood test. I've seen many ladies get a neg on the pee test but were actually pergnant.
well she mentioned the possibility of her taking a pill in one of her posts....i dunno if it got deleted, some of us assumed tht she meant the plan b pill (however, i dont think it will work if you are already pregant, i think....).
First question - are you ready to have a baby? If no, then that makes the decision easy. If you are, then can you move your date up? Even if you've already sent save-the-dates, you should be able to change the date now. I think I remember reading in an etiquette book that if you need to change the date, even after sending invitations, that you can do so by making personal phone calls to each of your guests. In this case, you could do that, and also send the new date on your invitations. I'm just thinking that if you decide to go through with the pregnancy, you might not be feeling up to a wedding at all in October. I have friends who have been put on mandatory bed-rest for the final trimester. I have a couple more who have delivered early. Those are probably unlikely events, but they do happen. I bet that your vendors will be willing to work with you given the circumstances, if they are in a position to. I've heard that the second trimester is easiest - I'd probably aim for a wedding date early in that timeframe.
BTW, just as a PSA for anyone who is curious, there is an abortion pill. Not saying that is what the OP meant, just for everyone's edification.
Another EDIT: this is a different thing from Plan B.
I'd agree with Ladyox that it's not clear from the two postings that the OP is considering terminating her pregnancy - I also thought she was wondering whether or not to move the wedding up.
Whether or not you should move up the wedding is entirely up to you - I think it quite common for brides to be pregnant or have children before marriage. If I met a pregnant bride at her wedding for the first time, I certainly wouldn't judge her if I knew she was engaged when she got pregnant. You were in a serious relationship and no one should judge you for that.
The only thing that concerns me is that you mentioned that your FI is making fun of you for not fitting into your dress/going to your bachelor party. I'm not really understanding what is funny about your sadness. Is he usually a supportive partner?
___________________________________________________________________________
ETA: I didn't see the post where the OP mentioned the pill. There are two pills available. The first, Plan B, can be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, and it will prevent the fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.
The second type of pill, RU 486, can be taken to terminate a pregnancy up until 49 days of gestation.
FYI since there is confusion about it: Plan B is only effective the first 72 hours after intercourse and most effective in the first 12 hours. It keeps implantation from happening, so if you are already pregnant, it's not going to help :)
I didn't read this as she's wondering if she should keep the baby, and i re-read it just to be sure. you can move the date up or further away, you have time to do either. Congratulations!! on the baby.
My goodness, she never said she didn't want the baby! :)
@ Elpscott: First of all, welcome to weddingbee!!! I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look your best when you meet the friends and family of someone who's so important to you, or that there's anything selfish about having the wedding you always wanted. It's not too late to change the date, if that's what you want. The fact that the STDs went out isn't a reason to not do it! Plus, maybe you can keep your vendors and just switch the date, if that's what you want, without losing your deposit or anything.
Or, if you don't change it, I bet you'll have just as much fun! Besides, by then, your FI's friends and family will know you'll be expecting, so I doubt it'll be awkward or that you'll be judged for it at the wedding.
OK, am I the confused one here? I never saw Elpscott say anything about an abortion, plan b pill or even not wanting the baby...I thought she just wanted advice on if she should leave the wedding date as it stands now and walk down the aisle PG or move it sooner or delay...how did this turn into a political debate?
Anyways, Elpscott, I totally understand you're situation, I found out I was PG in February and wanted to have the wedding in June. thankfully I procrastinate and so didn't have any invites sent out yet. But if you decide to change the date, I'm sure your guests would understand, things happen and life isn't always the way you planned or pictured, but learning how to adapt is a big part of life.
So it is totally up to you, do you mind going down the aisle PG? As a bee above said expectant brides can be beautiful.
We chose to postpone our wedding by 2 years and have a smaller one than we had originally planned because taking care of our new son was more important, but that all depends on if you have the finances to do both or not, we did not, but that's just our situation.
Another clarification: Elpscott edited her original post, which is totally fine, but is causing confusion. She asked is she should deal with it or take the pill. Hence the discussion.
OP originally asked if she should "just deal with it or take the pill", hence the first posts in response asking her to consider the child rather than one day of her life. Everyone who has replied is not crazy, OP just altered the post :)
I agree that there is nothing wrong with moving the date up. As other have said, maybe vendors will be sympathetic to your position and will let you move your date up without a penalty fee. I am SURE all of your friends and family will understand.
Good luck!
She edited her first post= we who mentioned about that orignally read the Op first orignal post before she edited it.
Both of my SIL's were 7 months pregnant when they got married. Since everyone will probably know you're pregnant anyway, I don't see why you should hide it! Just have the wedding on the date you planned! Having it earlier you STILL won't be able to drink at the reception, and you're going to lose a lot of money on deposits! Plus it's very expensive having a baby (an average investment of $6k!!), so you should save as much as you can and just have the wedding as planned!
Yeah this really isnt a tough decision....as far as the wedding part. Now if your considerng abortion, thats another story. Think hard and dont base a baby on one day.
I just deleted a comment containing a personal attack. :-(
It's totally ok to disagree with someone, and to say so! But please, never attack or insult a fellow bee. :-)
Thanks to so many of our members for keeping things civil in the hive!
To the person who keeps posting personal attacks and insults along with her opinion: I have deleted both of your comments and PMd you.
I think if you are ready for mamahood - I say just leave the date as is, and rock your pregnant glow. I honestly think pregnant brides are beautiful, and if FI and I were ready for kids, I would totally embrace it, and get one of those cute "Romeo & Juliette" looking dresses. Pushing it up is just cause questions about a "shot gun wedding" and like you said, all your deposits are already paid, and I'm sure you don't want to lose out on all that money!
Congrats and Good luck!!
Thanks mrbee. Those comments make me cringe
I understand the OP's post has been edited, but I just wanted to say that you should only have a child when you are totally ready to, and WANT to. I certanly don't judge anyone for ther choices regarding pregnancy, and the outcomes, or not, of those pregnancies.
I think if you are contemplating taking the abortion pill in response to conerns about wishes you have/had for your wedding day, it's probably not about that at all - there are probably much bigger issues there. This isn't a personal attack at all, and certainly don't want it to come across like that. Having a baby will completely change your life forever, and you can't go back from that decision. If you are questioning it now, no matter the reason, maybe you should sit down, listen to your inner voice, and talk things over with your fiance.
Good luck in whatever path you choose, as no path is easy, and no path should be judged "right" or "wrong" by anyone but YOU.
My mom was pregnant with me on her wedding day (the whole idea of this thread is, understandably, extremely upsetting to me). She doesn't regret it. Choosing to renege on your original date is a far, far less extreme choice IMO. You'll get over the discomfort of that easily enough, but terminating a pregnancy is just...there's no comparison. Send out a CTD: Change the Date!
(ETA: @bridegrl, read the whole thread.)
Wow, did I miss something? I never read where the OP wanted to get rid of the baby...she only questioned the postponing of the wedding right? or am I dense?
If that is the question, then here is my answer: I wouldn't postpone. You'll look beautiful anyway...
Warning this might sound harsh: As someone who has a child very young I find the original post to be really alarming. As a grown adult who has to make personal decisions for themself and now a baby, I think Elpscott, this is something you and FI need to discuss and really think if you are ready to be a parent. Being a parent is giving a lot of yourself to a little baby who DEPENDS on you. If you are that concerned over your wedding and not the well being of your baby, then maybe you aren't truely ready to be a parent.
Why not move the date up? If that's not possible postpone it and I bet your day will be that much more special with your new addition as well... can always do a civil ceremony that is nice for now and big wedding/party later. I mean some of the court house weddings on here are amazing and rival larger weddings especially in how personal they are could be a great day for you two if you are starting a new chapter together not just marriage but growing family
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 21 |
| MsPanda | 15 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| londonchick | 9 |
| londonpeach84 | 8 |
 KimKimmieKim |
8 |
| pengoala | 7 |
| ladyartichoke | 6 |
| ndreighton | 6 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
