Post # 1
My current boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years at the end of the month. I am 24 and he is 30. I am getting to the point where I am ready to settle down and at least get engaged. We are talking about purchasing a home together and we are actively looking, but every time I bring up the topic of engagement he acts like it’s no big deal at all. His older sister was with her current husband for 8 years before they got engaged and I’m not sure if he is following in her footsteps or if he is just not ready to get married. I am not one for threats of leaving if he doesn’t propose. And I have no reason to believe he isn’t ready to be married because he out cheating on me. We are both faithful to each other and very much in love. He just lacks enthusiasm when it comes to becoming a husband. I would never want to force him into anything he is not ready for, but I’m ready and I feel like he is not considering my feelings. He tells me all the time he can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me as my husband, but every time I think he is going to propose I end up getting let down. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this as a mature adult?
Post # 3
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Its the mature and best way. The one thing about a good relatinoship is open communication – its time to put that to a test and tell him how you feel.
Post # 4
My Fiance and I were together 6 1/2 years before he proposed (our 7 yr anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks). I am 26 and he is 27.
We had a lot of discussions about marriage and I let him know how much it meant to me.
I also was very clear about not doing certain things before at least an engagement.
We were living together (and that was fine) but in a rented apartment with both our names on the lease.
I would not do the following unless we were engaged:
- Combine Bank accounts
- Buy property jointly
- Buy a car jointly
We discussed these things openly but I made it clear that I was just not comfortable making that kind of financial commitment without a more serious commitment to our relationship.
ETA: Mainly I tried to make sure our conversations were rational and level headed. I just told him how much he meant to me and how much marriage means to me. And how I am willing to sacrifice a lot for our relationship because I believe in our relationship, but marriage is something I would not budge on.
Post # 5
PPs have great advice – you need to be upfront and open about your feelings wihtout putting the pressure on him. let him know that you want to get married eventually and see what his take is on marriage. some guys just have a harder time than others taking the plunge…. I made Fiance do this scavenger hunt called the diamond dash before he proposed- that was kind of my big hint to him.
i also agree with KatNYC2011 – i wouldnt buy a house or anything until after engagement. just to be safe. moving in together is fine but make sure you have a lease with both names on it.
Post # 6
That’s ruff… it’s hard not to get antsy when he says things like “i can’t wait to spend the rest of my lift with you as your husband”… it would make me want to say “well then what are you waiting for?!
Just try to relax. It sound like it’ll happen soon enough if you’re patient.
Before Fiance proposed, every time we went out i thought it was THE NIGHT… after a while I relaxed… i wanted to enjoy whatever time we had left as boyfriend and girlfriend before the craziness of wedding planning got underway. I started to think… we’re spending the rest of our lives together weather i have a ring now or later what’s the rush?
When he did propose I wasn’t expecting it at all… it was amazing! I later learned he had the ring for 3+ months and was just waiting for the right moment (while we were on vacation in FL)
Try to relax, but if you really can’t, talk to him… see what he’s thinking
Post # 7
We were exactly 7 years properly together when he proposed. Don’t lose faith!
We’d always assumed we were in it for the long haul: it was just kind of put on the long finger because we were fine as we were. My mum got sick in Oct 2006, and by Jan07 it was clear things were very serious. I think Fiance actually got tipped over the edge by the fact that people would pay more attention to my SIL, who’d only been around a few years at the time.
He realised that even though we were very committed to each other, other people wouldn’t necessarily see it like that. He just wanted our relationship to be recognised properly, you know?
If your fella is happy with the house purchase plan, then he’s certainly not afraid of commitment, it sounds to me like he genuinely doesn’t see engagement as a necessary thing. Is money tight? I mean, would he possibly be thinking he’d rather have the money to put into the house then spend it on a ring and then a wedding?
Post # 8
Fiance and I bought a house together almost a year before we got engaged… we knew we were in it forever… I don’t see any difference buying a house together when you bf/gf then when you’re engaged, especially if you’ve been together for 7 years…
another thing… if you’re buying a house he might not have the $ right now for a ring. Just a thought.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the great advice – it’s good to know I’m not the only one who has been with someone for so long before getting engaged. I guess I just get anxious when I see everyone around me settling down and starting families. I think waiting it out will be the best bet, expressing to him exactly how I feel, but also letting him know I by no means want to pressure him. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 10
Me and my Fiance were together 6 years before I got a proposal. We were talking about buying a house and I think what really pushed him over the edge was my dad telling us that he wouldn’t feel comfortable with us living together without a ring on my finger. That made Fiance jump! It wasn’t like he was pressured because we have been talking about getting engaged for awhile and we were already looking at rings but it made him jump a little higher.
My suggestion would just be to be honest with him. Tell him how you feel without putting pressure on him. Some guys avoid the topic not because they don’t want to get engaged, but because they don’t know how to talk about it. For all you know he could have the ring but is just waiting for the right moment! At least you know it’s coming eventually if he talks about being your husband one day.
Post # 11
My fiance and i have been together for 7 years and have been living together for 3 years (in the house we bought together) before he proposed. We were quite open when discussing the marriage topic and knew whether we were ready for it.
Though i was secretly hoping and waiting for the proposal, at least i knew where he stood in the matter and roughly knew when we were getting married. It still came as a surprise when he proposed last December, and now i can’t keep my eyes of my ring! We are now saving up for the wedding.
Follow what the others have said. Relax and talk to your bf about it. Don’t keep yourself up by pondering and worrying. Your proposal will come as a wonderful surprise then. 🙂
Post # 12
Why don’t you propose to him?