Post # 1
For any brides who are hoping for monetary presents to help cover the cost of the wedding, I wouldn’t hold your breath. Now, more than ever (in our lifetime, that is) people are not spending money, or at least as much money.
We had 78 guests, mainly all couples, and only got 17 cards. Our grand total for cash/gift cards was $2,000… Although I was expecting more, I didn’t get incredibly upset. This is just something I think brides should be aware of. My cousin got married 2 years ago and recieved $10,000 in cash from her guests (the majority were the same as mine) and about 20 presents. Be prepared for the backlash of these hard economic times even at your wedding! People are not following old school etiquette anymore… don’t be shocked if many show up empty handed!
Post # 3
What exactly is “old school etiquette”? There’s no etiquette I’m aware of that says anyone has to give you cash for your wedding. Or a gift, for that matter.
Post # 4
I would never go to a wedding empty handed… it would make me feel horrible! But, people can only do what they can do. There are so many people who have fallen on hard times. And you know exactly what I mean by old school etiquette.
And this was not meant to spark a debate, or any problems, I just wanted to put this information out there. Take it or leave it!
Post # 5
Technically etiquette says guests have up to a year to give a gift after a wedding, so you never know what may show up in the mail down the road. Personally, I would never show up to a wedding empty-handed. If I couldn’t afford to give a gift (cash or otherwise) I would still at least bring a card and hope I could give something further down the road. But you never know what each person’s financial situation is, as you said, times are hard. The gift is that you were surrounded by the people you love and who love you on your wedding day. Everything after that is a bonus 🙂
Post # 6
I’m not surprised, and I would guess that most of the monetary gifts came from your older relatives who wouldn’t consider ever attending a wedding empty handed. I know I never would,so I guess I still believe in the ‘old school etiquette’ as does my entire family. Both of my daughter’s weddings were in this past year and they received something (almost all cash) from every single person who attended (except the brother and sister of the groom at my first daughter’s wedding last June).
Post # 7
I do have to say that I did experience that people just are not in the financial posistion lately to give out much money or gifts. I hate to say that I was dissapointed with my gifts because that would just be very selfish of me BUT I do agree that when you look at wedding gifts 10 years ago compared to now, it is a little discouraging.
We had about 125 guests and only got $900. Not that it wasn’t appreciated at all, but it is a good look at how we as American citizens are doing in todays economy.
I would never get mad at someone coming to my wedding empty handed. But speaking for myself, I do give whatever I can at whatever I may be invited too. I just wouldn’t feel right not doing so. I guess the point to my post is that I understand completely where you are coming from. I know your not trying to be rude and that writing a post dealing with the gifts (or lack there of) can never really come acrossed as good as you would hope. But I do understand 😉
Post # 8
I totally agree. I was just talking to one of my girlfriends who is getting married next year who said “I was really hoping for just cash from my guests to help pay off the wedding.. We really need the money.. etc etc”. It sucked to tell her it probably wouldn’t turn out that way, but I think it helps people plan for a wedding that they can actually afford, as opposed to spending way out of their budget and hoping to make up the difference in wedding presents/ and or cash. Personally I didn’t have this problem because my parents covered the cost of the wedding, but once again I think it is important for girls to know so they don’t go nuts spending for the wedding and then find out they are in financial trouble when the whole thing is over!
Post # 10
@jamiemichelle: Totally agree with you! I’ve seen this change happen to my friends + family over the past 5 years.
Post # 11
At my wedding we had about 5 families that did not give us anything, not even a “Congratulations” card!
I was actually looking forward to sweet cards, but did not even get that. It did make me a little angry, but then the wedding is not a way of making money, it’s a day to celebrate. I was angry at those families that they brought about 3-4 people each, had a nice sit down dinner that we paid 50$ for each person. I don’t know what their finances are, they might be without work, but i hope they had a good time, a card with happy wishes would be enough for me and i would keep it in my wedding box as a memory, but they did not even do that for us! Sorry, for a longer post, just wanted to share.
Post # 12
Did you have showers that your guests may have attended and given you gifts then? Some people don’t give more than one gift. Some simply cannot afford to.
Post # 13
That’s interesting. Technicallt, your sister got married at the worst part of the economic fallout. Now, things are actually a lot better. Maybe your perticular region is having a harder time now than it was then?
Post # 14
I hope I don’t get torn to shreds for this comment but its a wedding and couples expect gifts! It’s only natural. Years ago, couples would recoup close to what they spent on their wedding in gifts. That is totally not the case anymore and while we all have to understand that the economy sucks, we still have the right to be a little disappointed.
Now, I know its our choice to have the weddings that we want but spending $10,000 to feed and entertain your nearest and dearest and for a night and receiving a fraction of that back, must be hard to handle.
Most couples have plans for the money that they receive in gifts, whether they admit to it or not. For instance, FI and I hope to put a down payment on a condo with help from our wedding gifts. If it happens, great! If not, oh well, we still had an awesome wedding!
I understand that times are tough and not every couple can afford to give us money for our wedding but bringing a card with a heartfelt note will cost $5. Theres no excuse for coming empty handed.
Post # 15
Our guests were fairly generous. However, a few of them showed up wthout even a card, which was shocking to me. Every wedding DH and I get invited to or go to we send a card and something. I’m not saying guests HAVE to bring money or a gift but for heaven’s sake, at least get a card! Two of my going through rough times, so they went together on a gift. And one of the girls made me the most beautiful pillow for my shower that I treasure even more than so many of the gifts we got. I just think not even a card is incredibly rude.
Post # 16
We’re from Texas. That’s a good point.. maybe people are just sick of us girls getting married! I’m the 5th one in the last 5 years (cousins, not sisters)! lol sucks to be the youngest!