Post # 1
I’m getting married next wednesday. And my mum is in the hospital. I don’t know what to do, postpone or not.
My stepdad wants me to just get married, but postpone the party. My mum is still hoping she’ll be better in time, but we don’t know if that will happen.
I don’t want to have a party without my mum, but postponing might be difficult. This date was the only date in 6 months that worked for everyone. And my mum’s condition will get worse and worse. She needs a lung transplant, so even if we postpone, she might not make it.
Originally, we wanted to elope. But my mum wanted us not to, so we decided to have a small intimate wedding (34 guests), to please her.
But after a while, I really started looking forward to the wedding.
Now, I really don’t know what to do. I want my mum there. And if I could be sure that she’d be able to make it in 6 months, I’d postpone the wedding in a a heartbeat. But she might be dead by then.
My stepdad wants to postpone the wedding, he is contrubuting financially (hasn’t said so, but my mum told me he’ll give a generous cash gift)
Most of the guests are good friends of my mum. Our photographer is a friend, who lives on another continent, he’ll only be here for 1 week,a nd has already made travel arrangments.
Post # 3
I am terribly sorry to hear that. I really do wish that she gets better. I cannot imagine the situation you are in!
As the way you have described things, I would suggest not to postpone at all. I know that you won’t be having the best of fun at the wedding without your mom, but God forbid she leaves this world and you have postponed the wedding, then you will be incredibly depressed and won’t be in any sort of ‘wedding/party’ mood. That in my opinion would be worse. Plus right now your mum can see her daughter married off and she can see it in your pictures. I know it won’t be a fun time for you but I’m sure your mom would want you to continue with the wedding as-is. If I were your mom, I would want you to get married cuz God knows if I would be able to witness it later or not.
Once again I am REALLY SORRY that you are going through this. My most sincere well wishes go out to her and your family.
Post # 4
Don’t wait. I agree with your stepdad in postponing the party but still get married. You can still get your pictures then so it wasn’t a waste for your photographer to come all this way. Then you could go up to the hospital in your dress and visit.
We have had a lot of lung issues in our family, and I am going to be real and say they don’t have happy endings. Please enjoy this time with your mom and be happy. As there is always time to be sad later.
Post # 5
My mum is not terminally ill right now. She can talk and laugh and has no pain, but she is shorth of breath, really short of breath. She will most likely get of of the hospital (not sure when) and be better for a while (nobody knows for how long), but then get ill again. And the she’ll get a bit better, but not as good as she was… and this will continue till she can not get better anymore, or until she can get a lung transplant….
If we just have the ceremony, it will just be me and my fiancee. Nobody else will be there. I live in europe, and a city hall wedding is obligated here. You go in, say i do, sign the papers, and walk out. You can have a ceremony after the city hall wedding, butwe chose not to, becasue we couldn’t get that arranged in time. We arranged this wedding in 6 weeks to make sure my mum would be able to be there. Well, that plan obviously failed.
Her doctor was pretty positive about her being good enough to ccome at least for a part of the day (an hour or two). But my stepdad doesn’t want that. he wants all or nothing. ofcpurse, the doctor can’t garantuee anything, because her condition goes up and down at the moment. So nothing is for sure.
Post # 6
@Lairis: 🙁 I am so, so sorry… this must be so stressful and difficult for you, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
What does your FI think? Does he have a strong opinion either way? I am honestly not sure what I would do in this situation. If it were me, I probably would go ahead, get married, get pictures (since the photographer is coming anyway), and postpone the party.
Could you postpone the party, but if your mom is well enough to leave for an hour or two, go to a nice restaurant with just immediate family to celebrate?
ETA: Could you also skype your mom in to the ceremony? That way she feels like she isn’t missing it?
Post # 7
The ceremony only takes five minutes. There is nothing romantic or beautiful about it. It is in a very small room in the city hall.
The wedding part of it, is being with the guests. And this won’t happen. I’m considering calling the whole thing off. The rings are already engraved with our wedding date, so that is a loss, and the clothes are bought, but apart from that, we have no deposits paid (venue for the dinner afterwards are friends, florist knows us, baker didn’t require a deposit) and just not get married.
Post # 8
I’m not sure if this is possible in Belgium, but I am a paramedic in Massachusetts, and this may be helpful information….
It may be costly, but if she is able to do so, you can hire a private ambulance company to bring her back and forth to the wedding, if the doctors give her the ok to be out of the hospital for an hour for the ceremony at least, and they can even take her to the reception if she’s up to it. Depending on what she has for equipment (IVs, oxygen, etc.) they can send her by wheelchair van or ambulance.
This isn’t possible in every situation, but if you really don’t want to cancel the wedding, and you want your mother to be there, the potential is there.
I hope this helps, and I really hope it is a possibility for you! Feel free to PM if you want more details if this is possible for you.
I hope your mom makes it to your wedding, and I hope everything works out for you!