Post # 1
My Fiance is 8 years older than me and has travelled with his friends before and during the last 6 years we have been together. I have been studying and financially supporting my struggling family so i was unable to travel or do anything ‘young people do’.
Early on i told my FI that i would only have kids after i travelled. He agreed. Now he is saying he wants to travel in another 10 years after we have kids. This is really upsetting me, as it was the only thing i asked for from him.
Our age difference has now become more obvious than ever. All he wants to do is have kids, and all i want to do is experience the world while i am young and without the responsiblity of children together as a couple.
What would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
Gee.. tough one..My husband is 12 years my senior and honestly i can only tell by the photos and well, he’s more wise with money! . We both haven’t travelled much so we used the honeymoon for a dream destination and it was wonderful! We already have 3 kids (one his, one mine and 1 together) and if we can we will take the kids with us on our next travel..though we feel they have a LOT more time to travel in front of them than us, so i think we will try and travel a little by ourselves, yes.
Why don’t you compromise this way? A few trips just both of you and another with kids!
Post # 4
@Rivendeler: Thanks for your reply,
Well i am only 22 (i use this account my Aunt opened – so it has her age) My fiance is 30. Im nowhere near ready to have children, i would be happy for several short trips but FI says he ‘just wants to work’ I dont understand this, you can work and enjoy life and LIVE at the same time..
Post # 5
I don’t know how old either of you actually are but it sounds like you and he need to sit down and make a plan. In your position, I would stand my ground that I am not yet ready for kids because children are a lifetime commitment. However, maybe you could list 1 or 2 trips you would like to do BEFORE starting a family and plan how to fit them into a mutual timeline. It seems as if you botth eventually want children and you both enjoy travel so you just need a plan you can agree on. Of course finances are important in both decisions, are you more financially stable now? Could you plan a trip to taka place in a couple of months or do you need some time to save up the funds?
While our age difference is only 3 years, DH and I also struggle to balance the desire to travel and to start a family. We talked about the trips we want to take in the next 3-5 years, a wish list of sorts. Then we decided which trips were family friendly. For example we want to go to South Africa and do a Safari and road trip. Most safaris we looked into do not allow children under 6 and the presence of malaria is a greater risk for children so this is a trip we want to do now, before startign a family. We also want to go to Hawaii as this has been a dream trip of mine for some time but it is also a safe, family friendly trip so we will put that at the end of our 5 year plan because we could realistically take a baby on such a vacation.
Post # 6
@justcurious333: Seeing your age and response, why not go on several short trips with friends if FI is not intersted in taking the time off of work. You mentioned he traveled with freinds, why not do the same?
Post # 7
Sounds as though you two aren’t on the same page… You need to really stress how important this is to you, and perhaps you both may need a neutral third party to mediate.
Sorry you are going through this.
Post # 8
I am 35 and have been married for 10.5 months. We gave ourselves a year before TTC, and we’re going on a “last hurrah” vacation next month before that year ends. We had only known each other for 2 years when we got married. We both sort of wish we had met sooner so we could have had more time together before really settling down. But, we don’t want to push ourselves even further along the fertility curve.
I wish I was a few years younger from a fertility perspective, but I am really glad I did not spend my early 20s having kids. In my late 20s I got a masters and also did a lot of traveling. I learned so much about myself and gained a lot of perspective. I don’t know how you can resolve things with your fiancé per se, but I just wanted to say that I agree with your instincts here.